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emotional affair

(12 Posts)
BouncingSoul Sat 16-Jan-16 17:14:33

I may cop a lot of flack for this but I need some help and advice, maybe writing my thoughts and feelings down will help me work through things.

Have any of you dads struggled with a work crush? Right now it's what the internet calls "an Emotional Affair". The banter turned into flirting then it became an emotionally charged friendship. The chemistry is off the charts, and it's destroying me on the inside that I feel this way about someone other than my wife, if I were to ever act on it, it would ruin everything.

Due to the nature of my work, both myself and crush work very very closely for most of the day, and it would be nigh on impossible to change the work environment for at least 6 to 9 months.

My wife and I have been together since we were 18, going on 10 mostly amazing years. Inevitably, 3 kids, work and life in general has dulled the flame somewhat over the past 2 years, but the love has never been in doubt. We were always the solid couple amidst turmoil in the family, and we still are except for what I am battling. I don't have many friends to confide in and the ones I do have we are friends as couples so it makes it difficult

If anyone has any advice please share, and again I understand if I cop a lot of flack for this but I had to write it down to get my head straight.

TirNannyOgg Sat 16-Jan-16 22:11:36

Poor you. It is normal to have emotions like these. You are doing the right thing by not acting on them. It will blow over in time. Good luck.

dilbert19912 Sat 16-Jan-16 23:50:16

You sound like you know its not a good thing so just try and take a step back and imagine the devastation it would cause your family.

Its all fresh and new and exciting but thats not real life.

Where you think this could ever lead. Has the crush got a partner?

Aswirftandtemporarynamechange Mon 18-Jan-16 02:19:11

I'm going to take the provocative view that workplace crushes do no harm if unless you act on them.

I have a long standing work crush. Have worked with her for over half a decade, and have basically had a crush on her since we met. I've been married well over a decade with various ups and downs. She's single. We are very good friends and socialise a lot outside work, generally with other work colleagues but by not always. She totally brightens up my day, and I hope I brighten up hers too. I think she's utterly gorgeous and I know she is (at the very least) very fond of me and regards me as one of her closest friends.

The reality is that we have to work with each other and that is that. I also know that I am not going to mess up my family for her. I'm certain she is not going to make a move on me, and I certainly will not make a move on her. As it is, I enjoy her company immensely and would rather acknowledge my feelings for her (without of course telling her) instead of trying to suppress them.

If I found myself a) single and b) not working with her, I would be after her like a shot. In the meantime I have a very rewarding friendship with someone who I happen to fancy. I've always had good female friends both before and since I got married, and there has been some chemistry with all of them.

Aswirftandtemporarynamechange Mon 18-Jan-16 02:19:54

Bugger. First sentence should read: "workplace crushes do no harm unless you act on them."

confuseddad101 Wed 20-Jan-16 15:19:06

It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently.

Warren Buffett

LaPharisienne Wed 20-Jan-16 15:26:36

Hang on in there. She's sure to do a stinky fart at some point that will bring you to your senses wink

wafflerinchief Wed 20-Jan-16 15:45:18

Have a long think about what you miss about your wife, and try and focus more attention back towards your relationship. Do you have options of hiring/asking family for more help so you can do something regularly together again without the DC? IMO, you need to stop the out of work hours meetings with this colleague and spend the time trying to recapture the spark.

We've had a similar experience and I know that I have so much less time to do interesting things/be interesting because I'm either working, or looking after small DC. Notable that your crush is single - so she has acres of time to relax and pursue hobbies, spend time on her appearance etc, all those things that make us more attractive

katieshack Sat 11-Feb-17 19:45:30

I honestly think it depends on how you really feel about the work crush if you feel there's feeling and want to act on them. Then I strongly suggest you talk to your wife and go your separate ways don't mean to sound horrible but leading your wife on will hurt her more then you know

VoyageOfDad Sun 12-Feb-17 19:36:50

Imagine yourself living in a tiny bedsit, you screwed your work crush on a works night and your wife inevatibly found out and chucked you out. She's utterly heartbroken and ends up with Ted the butcher frm the village. You see your kids once a week.....

Thats not me by the way !

VoyageOfDad Sun 12-Feb-17 19:38:00

.... And of couse the work crush leaves you after three weeks

poppyD78 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:48:55

"I feel your pain". I am a young and more or less charming person, working in a office FULL of amazing women I would rather never see in person at all, for they drive me crazy. I myself am in a relation for almost 3 years and she means a lot and personally I simply suppress my urges for there is no other way. You (me, everybody) are a Man and the way I explain things: We can reproduce in 9 minutes, women do it in 9 months, so accept your nature, stop blaming yourself and try using your brain rather than balls. There are both pros and cons, but hey, that's life.

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