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(2 Posts)
EllieJayJay Wed 09-Dec-15 03:35:53

Hello Dads

I would like some advise on how to help my DP during this very difficult time.

I think we are doing quite well now, it's been two weeks since we lost our baby and a lot has happened.

For three days I was a mess and I couldn't think beyond me, I think I lent on my DP so much he reached breaking point. He stood by me as I sat in a hospital bed, he like me had no control over what was happening. I had to experience it he had to hold my hand and be strong - it will always be the most awful thing we have ever had to experience together.

He continued to try to help me after we left the hospital and went home and I tried to help him but I failed - my own grief was all consuming - not to mention the hormones (shh you say dear male reader - as men your not meant mention to them right? But holy crap they exist and their bloody evil!) the feelings I had were a loss or everything he was losing a baby and me.

He needed at this time very different things to me. He wanted to be help me but he needed space and time to process so he could be strong for me and I needed to not be alone - I think we both knew what the other needed but it was so very difficult to let the other grieve the way they needed too. So we both felt so guilty and in turn we became at odds at each other. So what was difficult became near on impossible.

We have reached a point, I think, no that's not right I now know we are now at some level of understanding of each other and what each other will need to get through this.

I really would like to hear from other men as to how I can help my partner.

This is his loss too X and I worry he is just a being strong for me again

We will be saying goodbye to our baby next week, whilst an early pregnant loss we shall get to cremate our baby and say goodbye

I just need to be able to help him as much as he helps me X

And if nothing else maybe this will help someone else as I think dads get forgotten sometimes

Flanks Sun 13-Dec-15 13:58:46

I can not imagine the experience, I am so sorry.

I think that it is often the small things. You are a considerate partner that clearly knows this.

Time and space, and making time for eachother, the foundations of all relationships. Keep doing what your are doing and hopefully life wont kick you guys again any time soon.

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