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Male opinions needed - first time sex, poor performance, what to say

(10 Posts)
PorridgeIsYummy Sun 10-May-15 14:49:11

Hi,

I've met a very nice man through online dating. A relationship is not really practical due to distance issues, family commitments and other factors, but we find each other attractive and decided to spend a night together. There was a massive build-up to this one night through emails, texting and so on. Unfortunately, the sex went really quite badly - we were both nervous and things just didn't work between us. This was partly due to his difficulties to sustain an erection for long enough to climax.

I am unlikely to ever meet him again due to the distance factor I mentioned; however, I do like him a lot as a person and worry about the impact this thing will have had on him. He is quite shy and seems to have confidence issues - he also has difficult personal circumstances and I can only imagine this experience has upset him. What should I do? Should I just let him be and not be in touch, or should I say something about it; if so, what? I'm paranoid to sound condescending or patronising. He's not been in touch since, should I simply respect that he probably doesn't want to hear from me? I'm happy to do that but at the same time, I don't want him to think I can't be bothered with him any longer because of what happened.

What do you think?

PorridgeIsYummy Sun 10-May-15 14:56:32

Women's opinions are welcome too!

AnyFucker Sun 10-May-15 15:00:58

ah, that's ok then smile

in your situation I would contact him again in the way you had been contacting each other before with a friendly message to say you enjoyed meeting him and express regret that the massive build up was a mistake leading to a disappointing outcome for both of you

then take his cue....if he ignores, leave it

I wouldn't make a repeat date to try again though, I think that ship has sailed

PorridgeIsYummy Sun 10-May-15 19:09:04

Thanks! I don't really want to see him again, as I know we are not suited to each other and things are too complex anyway. But I just really don't want him to hate himself about this as I fear he might do. It's tricky to find the right words, so I was hoping for someone who went through a similar situation to give me some ideas xx

AnyFucker Sun 10-May-15 20:38:12

I haven't been in this situation (thankfully) but I think that is what I would do

PorridgeIsYummy Sun 10-May-15 22:48:37

Thanks xx

AnyFucker Sun 10-May-15 22:51:45

it's a bit quiet in here, innit ?

< tumbleweed >

VoyageOfDad Mon 11-May-15 19:30:47

He's probably slamming his head repeatedly against the kitchen table.

It's quite possible that he thinks his disappointing performance in itself would be reason enough for you to cut contact .

I think you're being very thoughtful , and I agree, I think if you sent him a message to say what you want to it'd likely make him feel better about himself and less likely to see himself as a sexual failure.

partialderivative Wed 13-May-15 18:41:37

I'm not sure many men would really like to discuss their lack of performance. So don't do that.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Wed 13-May-15 18:45:27

I'm going to end a thing that has only been going on a few weeks and unfortunately we also slept together for the first (and last) time last week and he also had erection problems. I don't want him to think that's the reason because it's not but there were other bits of the sex that put me off (entitled attitude to blow jobs and tried to put it in without a condom). I won't be mentioning those either, rather the incompatibility that is the main reason. However I think that it's inevitable that my guy and yours will worry it's to do with their willy problems and there isn't much we can do about it.

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