Hi All,
Please bear with me, I'm new and have never opened up any of this to anyone before but I'm desperate for some advice to help me decide what to do about what has become an empty, loveless relationship after 20+ years together.
I'm 43, she is 50 now and we have 2 wonderful children. A boy of 11 and a girl of 17. We never got married, after the house, the kids and everything else we just never seemed to get around to it! We experienced the loss of our second daughter who was just a toddler back in 2002 from undiagnosed epilepsy, I only mention it to give a bit of background to the emotional turmoil we have experienced together.
In recent years, I would say the past 5 or 6 (maybe more), the intimate side of our relationship has petered out to nothing. In the past 3 years we have had sex 4 times but each time I know that she is only going through with it because she feels like it's her duty, she never lets me touch her, she actually physically recoils when I try to touch her and she certainly would never think of initiating sex or touching me! She insists that it's not my fault and that she just doesn't want sex, no matter who it was with but I don't know that's the truth.
Up until the last month or two I have (stupidly) ignored the situation in the hope that it is something to do with menopause and that it will get better. I still love her very much and tell her often but I just feel like she is keeping her true feelings hidden from me in order to keep the relationship together and avoid the turmoil and financial loss that a breakup would cause.
Neither of us has ever been unfaithful to the other and there is no abuse or anything like that in her past. I have researched HSDD as I felt that that may be a possible cause but when she brought it up with her GP on a recent visit, she didn't seem to even know that it existed! We are now on a waiting list for psycho sexual counseling but this worries me because I think it's just going to expose our true differences and force us to separate (but then maybe that's for the best?).
As a 43 year old man, I feel like I have a lot to give and a lot of living still to do. I'm just not prepared to call time on my sex life just yet. I feel so empty and alone at the moment though, I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love but I don't know how or whether I can get her back. Does this sound like a lost cause? Anyone been through anything similar, how did it work out?
Thanks for listening
K
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Can I rescue our empty, loveless relationship?
10 replies
thelar · 20/10/2014 16:08
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