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Dating dilemna

(14 Posts)
hornswoggled Mon 27-Jan-14 23:11:01

I'm all over the place with this one... so all level-headed advice/opinions welcome please!
I began dating someone a few months ago and very early on she told me she had already decided to do IVF with a donor. We talked about it and agreed to see how things went with us. I've been single for a few years and really, really like her. While realising it was an unusal situation to say the least, I was so happy to have met her. She seemed pretty keen on the idea too.
Anyway, soon after the treatment started, inevitably I suppose, we became more distant. I appreciate she's had a tough time with god knows how many hormones pumped into her. I tried to be supportive, but communication went rapidly downhill. I blame myself for the way things have turned out and wish I could do more for her. We're friends now rather than anything else, but I still have very strong feelings for her and want to do anything I can for her.
My question is, what should I do? Am I stupid to have thought we could ever have had a chance as a couple?

Why do you need to do anything? Do you want to get back with her? Sounds like she has other things on her mind.

hornswoggled Mon 27-Jan-14 23:33:05

Yes, I want to get back with her.

AlbertGiordino Tue 28-Jan-14 16:59:39

does she want to get back with you. PS Dadsnet IS a good place to come for levelheaded opinion, so long as you're not in any rush. wink

hornswoggled Tue 28-Jan-14 20:17:26

albertgiordino, I'm not in any rush. don't know how she feels, that's half the problem. I know she would prefer to have someone to share parenthood with. but doesn't seem to want to talk about 'relationship' - understandable with so much else happening. Also, trouble is, we've know each other for such a short time it's impossible to say whether relationship's a goer.

Pan Tue 28-Jan-14 21:40:54

Level-headed advice? Maintain your boundaries, and stay a supportive friend, at best. Do not become anymore emotionally involved. You don't know this woman and she had a 'plan' before you met her, which she is enacting. You would appear to be a convenient 'add on' in her life, and not even in 'relationship' mode. Listen to what she is clearly saying and don't romanticise the situation. You will be the loser in the end.

hornswoggled Tue 28-Jan-14 22:08:41

Pan, you're a realist...

Pan Tue 28-Jan-14 22:11:01

It's what you need right now, my friend. Be romantic and hopeful with someone else. Not her.

hornswoggled Tue 28-Jan-14 22:19:49

Yeah, you're probably right... never quite got why she wanted to date anyone given wha she was about to do... then some kind of fairy tale scenario took over...

Pan Tue 28-Jan-14 22:23:31

Your heart, emotions and future are valuable and precious things, so don't waste them? You sound like a lovely and supportive man.
And there's no "probably" about it, I'm afraid.

hornswoggled Tue 28-Jan-14 22:31:42

Thnaks. Would be interested in a woman's view too if there's anyone out there.....

Pan Tue 28-Jan-14 22:34:46

post it in Realtionships - just cut and paste your opening post there. You'll get lots of responses.
Having said all of that, I'm pretty sure you knew the answers anyway - you just needed some else to confirm them.
Really best wishes, and take care.

KlausDupont Sun 09-Feb-14 17:39:24

Wow, man. This could be a sort of black comedy romcom. Why would be dating if she was doing that? I mean, who would be comfortable with that however taken they were with her?

luckiestgirlintheworld Tue 17-Jun-14 09:20:37

Curious as to how this panned out.
Did you lose contact with her OP? Or did you guys decide to give it a go?

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