New dad to be and I am scared to death.(13 Posts)
I'm new to this site, been reading the odd thread here and there and have decided now is the time to get involved.
So my wife and I got married in June this year and it was amazing, as a couple we're very creative and like to do things ourselves. We organised the whole wedding ourselves and make it uniquely ours; the day was beautiful and special and different; everyone went away with a huge smile on their face and still talk about it.
So fast forward to August this year, we decided we would try for a baby and to our surprise within two weeks it happened. We were over the moon but completely stunned and somewhat in disbelief. Last we we had our first scan and we so this beautiful little blob, kicking its legs and moving about and neither of us were prepared for the feelings we would feel.
This brings me onto this constant fear I am feeling: I'm so scared something will happen to either my beautiful wife or my gorgeous baby that I almost get myself into a panic. I don't know why I am so scared, but I am -- do any other fathers have these fears? How do you deal with them?
A pregnancy is something completely new to both of you. It's natural to be apprehensive as its an unknown to you plus everything is happening so quickly: (well done for both being super fertile btw ;) A wise person one told me 'change is always difficult, even change for the better' this is true, but not a cause for panic. Yes there are risks, of course there are and we must be aware of these but not focus on them. Rejoice in the newness and the excitement. You will feel emotional and protective over your wife and baby. Turn that into demonstrative reassurance and love for her. Cherish these early months of marriage before baby arrives. I can't promise 'everything will be alright' but most people's fears are never realised. Good is very gracious in giving us 9 months to adjust to the fact that 'oh my goodness! We're gonna be parents' when the time comes, you'll be ok. Millions of people have done it before you and done ok and it sounds like you have a lovely relationship and care for your wife that will mean you have a great start as parents. Congratulations :D
G'day Paul. I remember when my first child was born. Day before she was born I knew all there was to know about baby's and children. Then Michele was born. I instantly knew nothing about baby's, much less about children. Then was 10 years and 3 children ago. I now know even less.
You'll do just fine. Oh, and baby's bounce. Learn to cook. Learn to clean. Learn to support your wife in any way she wants/needs.
If it's any consolation lots of mums to be feel that way too!
16 years and 4 children on as Husbandplus3 says, I know even less...
Learn the practical stuff and buy then read the following 2 books "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" and "siblings without rivalry" - absolutely fascinating and a huge insight into how the emotions of humans work!
I liked 'babies' by Christopher Green . Like an idiots guide, easy reading and cheap on Amazon second hand x
It's no consolation i know, but i don't think that 'fear' ever leaves you, not IME anyway, but i suppose you do learn to live with it. For the first year after DD1 was born i had constant nightmares about her falling down the stairs or some such. Or, i'd wake suddenly in the middle of the night and have to check she was still breathing -- that parenting paradox: desperate for them to go to sleep, and then when they do, prodding them to make sure they're alright, and waking them up again....
Congratulations on your wedding and pregnancy!
Like other posters have said, the odds are you will spend the rest of you fatherhood with a dull background level of fear built in, spiking at certain riskier junctures. 90% of the time this will be ignored owing to other feelings being much stronger.
The thing that I try and remember is that "it will probably be alright", there are lots of potential dangers out there, but the chances are you and your family will be fine!
Trying to keep everything in perspective is tricky, but if you can do it, will ease your mind no end.
Agree with all above. It's all very, very probably going to be fine. And if something happens you'll deal with it.
Reminds me of a Mark Twain quote: " I've experienced some dreadful things i my life. And and one or two of them actually happened."
I felt exactly the same and still do 3 years on. It's all part of being a dad but don't dwell on it. Just do the best you can do and be the best Dad you can be. You can't control all aspects of this world and life so make the ones you can control work for you and enjoy being a family.
Seeing my little one in hospital hooked up to a drip at 8 months suffering from bronchialitis, gastroenteritis and a generic ear infection (triple whammy) was heart breaking, but these are all things that we may have to go through.
The world is a shi**y place a times but 99.99999% of the time life is great. So get yourself down to the pub buy yourself a pint and raise a toast to how great a dad you will be.
I think you sound lovely . If you're not a teeny bit anxious you'd be crazy. You'll be a great and creative Dad. Congrats.
Don't worry. Just look up some statistics and you will see it's much more likely to go right than go wrong. read as much as you can about pregnancy and birth and that will be very helpful and make sure you are present at the birth. It will all be fine. You both might want to plan about childcare after birth before it comes in case both of you are returning to work after the birth. We fixed that up before the birth so it was all ready without having to arrange it with a baby around.
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