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(21 Posts)
lostdad Tue 12-Nov-13 13:34:30

The only people I consider single parents are those who care for the children 100% of the time and the other parent is not interested and won't do their share of childcare.

In my books you're not a single parent if you're preventing the children spending time with the other parent whilst telling everyone that you're the only one who does anything.

Daddyofone Sat 09-Nov-13 11:10:31

Thanks mignonette

Pan Sat 09-Nov-13 09:49:58

Yes the director is the actor who doesn't appear to actually have any children.
I think it's the mawdling aspect that puts me off. Taking photos for 8 months suggests he really needs to move on. And half-eaten plates of food with cups that are still warm harks of a war zone evacuation.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 09-Nov-13 01:40:12

You do realise this is a film for Tropfest don't you?

He might not even have kids.

On the other hand, I do know men who feel like this sad

MiniMonty Sat 09-Nov-13 01:22:25

Bullshit Ozzie "access" as opposed to "contact" and he doesn't even look old enough to have a job let alone kids old enough to fight over.

An "oooh and oh so nice" film in it's way but its aside from anyone's reality. So it's pointless and does nothing for anyone in the long run.

Mignonette Fri 08-Nov-13 23:22:43


You'll hear no criticism of your post and intentions from me. My DH wasn't able to have residence permanently for his three children even though he should have done. He sees them all the time as we refused a formal arrangement and said they could come here whenever they wanted to, not whenever their Mother wanted them to. They were all approaching teens and in their teens so they had the freedom to do just that.

I saw his pain and the way society does not acknowledge this in the same way.

My sympathies for you. As your child gets older, things will hopefully change as long as you hang in there and always remain a constant in their life flowers for you and wine

Daddyofone Fri 08-Nov-13 23:17:38

It's ok. Like I said I do actually appreciate seeing someone else expressing the same feelings. Because I can't really talk to anyone about it. It's too upsetting. And clearly if you talk about these things here people assume you must have been a wife beater or are some feckless arsehole who shirks their CM.

Lets move onto happy thoughts.

I have my lovely daughter here now, asleep in her room. We've danced to Ali Farka Toure , I plugged a microphone in so she could sing along to Dancing Queen, she's tended the small burn I got from the log fire, she sang in the bath.

In the now all is well. But I do appreciate your link. No need to feel bad.

SigmundFraude Fri 08-Nov-13 14:32:54

So sorry to hear this Daddyofone, I'm really sorry you're upset. You have to hold on to the knowledge that not everyone coldly questions your situation, they really don't. I don't. It must be really difficult to let go of your child, I can't imagine it. The video is a lot of men's (and some women's) reality, I find the 'well he must have done something, what does he know' line really depressing.

I might start my own forum, where 'analysis' and cynicism is smashed by the ban hammer!

Daddyofone Fri 08-Nov-13 14:19:19

I can certainly relate to what he's saying in the OPs video. I tend to quietly internalise it. Interesting that people here think he's whining about his situation. And dare I say, shifting the focus to the mum and how hard it must be for her ( no doubt )

You have the person you love most in the world for a few days like a burst of sunshine, and then they're gone and your left in a void. And because you've made your home their home too you are a surrounded by colourful reminders of who's not there.

You spend the next few weeks in an empty home with little shoes in the hallway, half finished drawings and toys scattered about, a bath full of foam letters and inflatable crocodiles. You open the fridge and see little yoghurt pots, you get in the car and see the empty child seat with a fluffy bunny toy in it.

It's like someone's died. Usually takes me a couple of days to get over it.

It takes all my emotional energy to not cry when my child clings like a limpet to me and says 'don't go daddy' when I take her home to mums . Although in crying writing this ( boo hoo me ay ? What a bloody whiner )

And then you come on a parenting website and people say stuff like 'yeah but we don't know his backstory'

As if he, or I , must be somehow deserving if it. Must be treated with suspicion.

I come across that attitude quite a lot from mums in RL when I'm with my daughter. Somewhat disheartened to find it a in section of a parenting site I thought was dedicated to supporting dads.

Sorry. Rant over.

caruthers Fri 08-Nov-13 12:53:34

He doesn't come across as a "Whiner" at all, he comes across as someone who genuinely misses his children.

Pan Fri 08-Nov-13 11:08:19

True Pippa , I'd never call myself a single dad, I dont have the demands day-to-day that her mum does. We talk just about daily, and we don't stick to our mutually agreed routines, we negotiate and compromise. And dd knows she can't play us off, we're too tight for that.

SigmundFraude Fri 08-Nov-13 11:06:04

'I'm a NRP, and love it when dd is here, as she does - me and her mum work hard to keep dd happy. Talk about it all the time.'

It's great that you and your ex work hard to keep your dd happy. Does that mean though, that others who don't manage to achieve the same harmony that you have, haven't tried hard?

Pipparivers Fri 08-Nov-13 11:04:33

I want to clarify before I offend. The amount of parenting done is because, how can you in that amount of time? How can they be at the forefront of your mind when you are responsible for such a short period of time. I am sure some manage it, but that hasn't been my experience

SigmundFraude Fri 08-Nov-13 11:03:55

This is quite interesting actually, both of my sisters refer to each other as single parents, I didn't realise the terminology had changed, or at least, I didn't realise that saying 'single parent' was frowned upon. Because when it's your time on your own, you are the only parent taking care of the kids.

SigmundFraude Fri 08-Nov-13 11:00:51

Do you think so Uri? You have a friend in Pan then!

Pan Fri 08-Nov-13 11:00:50

Yes, I thought so too. I'm a NRP, and love it when dd is here, as she does - me and her mum work hard to keep dd happy. Talk about it all the time. This chap is pretty much a whiner about himself.

Pipparivers Fri 08-Nov-13 11:00:43

I find it really disrespectfully to call yourself a 'single parent' if you look after your kids for 1 weekend a fortnight. But I also am not too keen on nrp as I am not sure how much parenting they do?

However it is interesting to see how it can affect that nrp and the things that keep them going in between. I don't think it is relevant to the piece why he isn't more involved. The point is how that affects him

SigmundFraude Fri 08-Nov-13 10:59:27

Well, I guess, it's a little tomaytoes/tomartoes, but yes, non resident parent then, if you like. No we don't know how this situation came about, but I wasn't analysing it. I simply found it very moving smile.

And this is Dadsnet, so maybe thinking about Dads is a good thing now and again.

UriGeller Fri 08-Nov-13 10:55:41

I'm an NRP. I think this is rather self pitying and pathetic actually. It screams "Me me me".

Pan Fri 08-Nov-13 10:51:13

From the video, he isn't actually a 'single dad'. He is a non-resident parent, with weekend access. And we don't know why this situation came about.

SigmundFraude Fri 08-Nov-13 10:44:15

And thought I'd share it, as it's so thought provoking:

for single Dads....

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