Ah, sorry OP. I kind of took that for granted that he's not that interested in seeing his kids. Sorry, it felt kind of too obvious to mention. But you're absolutely right in what his behaviour implies (/shouts out)
Thank you for your replies.
Picnic, there are two version of his side of the story.
The real version is that he is very impulsive and dislikes responsibility of any kind. He wants a 'return' for his money. For quite some time, he claimed he didn't have enough money to pay more than £5 per week maintenance, whilst going to wrestling & football matches and buying a new laptop. And I know for sure that he paid for the above, they weren't gifts or paid for by someone else.
His version (on FB and told to his family) is that he hates me because I am a bitch who ruined his life by deliberately getting pregnant without his knowledge (not true AT ALL - it was his idea to have a child).
Coffee, I am currently doing just that. I haven't responded to any of the emails, because I said I wouldn't when I first told him of my decision. I will respond to the first email he sends which actually asks about his kid's welfare.
The reason I posted to begin with, was to see if anyone would say what I am thinking. What I am thinking is that if he REALLY wanted to see his child, he would be constantly sending emails, not just one or two a month. And if he really cared about the kid's welfare, he'd be asking how they are, what they're doing, if he could have a pic etc. Not just saying that he has a right to contact because he's paying maintenance.
I have a strong feeling that if I cancelled the CSA claim, I wouldn't hear from him again. It's such a shame, he is missing out on knowing an absolutely wonderful little person, who is funny, sweet, loving, kind and just gorgeous.
Kind of hard to put oneself in those shoes. But in that situation (ie your place rather than his) I might go for passive non-compliance. Maybe respond to the odd email just to avoid him getting nasty (if possible) but offer nothing, promise nothing.
Although a man who doesn't support his family (finacially, emotionally or any other way) is a shame on us all the first thing i'd do is listen to his side of the storey.
Imagine yourself in this situation.
You and your partner agree to have a child (your idea). You split up shortly after she falls pregnant. You fail to keep your promises re help with various things, including financially. You lie to both your ex and your family, often contradicting yourself.
After two years of lying, avoiding maintenance payments, slagging your child's mother off to everyone you know and going up to 5 months at a time without even asking about your child, the mum advises you she will now cut off contact unless your behaviour changes.
You threaten legal action, but don't contact her for 2.5 years. You finally get found by the CSA, at which point you get in touch with your child's mother and demand to see your offspring, seeing as you now pay maintenance.
You send an email once a month, sometimes less, occasionally more, usually when the CSA take a payment, saying that you pay maintenance and therefore have a right to see your child.
The mother doesn't respond. Mainly because you don't show any interest in the kid, and never, ever ask how they are, what they are doing, anything at all.
What would you then do?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.