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Whats a guy to do..

(4 Posts)
Mugofteaforme Wed 15-May-13 09:48:43

I really don't know where to start. I've been married since June 2012 and have taken on virtually all the household costs (rented flat) and Wedding related expenses.My Credit Card expenses totaling about £17000. My wife is also in a bad debt situation (credit cards), but registered with Stepchange so she now has about £500 extra per month. I was hoping that some of this might come to me just so my back wasn't against the wall each month, but I was given an extra £120 a month and she bought some of the food. We are both working. I'm earning about £30000 (just got promotion) and her about £20000. I've been fighting to pay off some of my debt with a view to being debt free, but each month the situation gets worse. I really need to keep a clear credit history as we'll need to rent again soon and all the agencies seem obsessed with performing expensive credit checks. To add to the complication I took out a number of student loans in 92-95 so my slightly increased wage will trigger the repayments. As a final note my wife is now pregnant (11 weeks) which is magical, but faced with expenses bought on by maternity leave and the fact that I'm terrified to being up money matters for fear of my wife be taken ill and possabily losing our child. Any advice would be greatly and kindly received!

Sorry to ramble.

apatchylass Wed 15-May-13 19:43:34

Sounds like you need to get some professional advice on finances.
You and your wife need to discuss your income and outgoings together and take joint responsibility for them when and where you can.
The only advice I can give is: in your position I'd not start paying out for loads of expensive, state of the art baby stuff. For now, just a moses basket, a baby bath and a basic pram will do. Only buy stuff when you find you need it, don't get lured into all the unnecessary stuff that new parents are pressured into buying.
can you ask for a delay/deferment on repaying your student loan?
Can you rent in a cheaper area?

But do talk to your wife. It doesn't sound as though you have those discussions and they do need to be sorted as there will be all sorts of added pressures once the baby is born.

Rtruth Thu 16-May-13 13:24:36

Hmmm I think professional help is needed.

Firstly on an income of 50k, i'd be interested to see what kind of rent your paying that doesn't leave you with plenty of disposable income.

An average mortgage/rent of flat is prob about £500 for most areas, apart from the big smoke. So that's roughly a third of her wages, and prob a quarter of yours. That leaves £1500, now food you could easily spend £40 a week and survive, so lets take £200 off that £1300. Now petrol and bills maybe another £300 pm. That's £1000 left so where does it go???

My guess would be that your living the highlife(if you cant afford a lavish wedding don't do it) and it will lead to ruin. She clearly still has an issue (in debt) if she pays for nothing, and the extra £500 disappears!

Sorry if it seems harsh but my partner and me, earn at least a 5th less that you. Im paying the mortgage whilst she is maternity, and all bills, my petrol etc and I still have £200 to play with each month for next 5 months to keep me sane! Plus I save a fair bit.

You need to take control here! Get a spreadsheet and put all your joint bills on - food shopping, rent, water/gas/electric/phone, council tax. Then get joint bank account and agree to put 50-50 into it and pay that out of it.

The money left for each of you, is yours. You can pay off your debts, she can live her life. If shes then having financial issues of course you can help, but I don't understand how or where this money goes or how you don't know.

My wife sometimes says - ive only got £50 left with two weeks of month left, I ask why, and normally she can explain what she spent more on but she never asks for more, just cut cloth accordingly.

SilkySilky Mon 27-May-13 22:09:01

spreadsheet you spending, and cancel as many direct debits as you can.

try deal with cash so you feel the spending and may help cut back on stuff as so easy to swipe most things on switch

and get a free meeting with an idependent advirsor once you have a summary to take to meeting

and hang in there, and good luck

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