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The Thought Process Of The Sex Of The Baby... Discuss

(31 Posts)
SlevinKelevra Tue 09-Aug-11 12:10:06

Afternoon All,

As an expectant Father, naturally we’re coded to go into the 20-week-scan believing the finer half is carrying the next footballing prodigy.

However, being told that you’re little soccer ace is in fact a girl… My assumption was going to be that of despair – but in reality – I was elated just to know she is healthy.

However, the new thought process is that of “life”. I grew up with one older brother – and we were terrors.

My own assumption is that boys are more difficult because they like climbing, scrapping and being little gits.

But all I can think about now is that I'm going to have to go on all her dates – and if any ‘smelly boys’ so much as look at her, I'm going to have to beat them up – regardless of age/prison sentence.

Is it a protective thing? Am I being more protective because it’s a girl?

Although ill never get to have a kick around with her (although, you never know) from a Fathers point of view – whats going to be there for me?

Do I play the DaddysGirl angle and look forward to taking her shopping?

Do I take a side gig and start coaching local kids football to get my “baby boy” fix?

I'm not sure where my head is supposed to be at – but at the moment, it’s a dark place where I'm beating up kids and lurking 3 rows back in the cinema making sure that rotten “Darren Briggs” doesn’t try and “make the move” on my precious naïve daughter!

Or am I simply taking crazy pills?

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 12:17:08

I really, really hope you address your horribly sexist attitude toward life in general, before your precious daughter starts to absorb some of it's frankly-awful messages

Congratulations, btw

Paschaelina Tue 09-Aug-11 12:22:06

How about stop worrying about how to be a father and just do it when your daughter is born? It'll be fine because once she arrives, you won't be able to imagine it being any other way.

I second the congrats.

Granny23 Tue 09-Aug-11 12:30:15

Yesterday, I was playing football with DGD aged 3 - she is quite good. DGS aged 4 is not very sporty at all butdoes have a vivid imagination and makes up long, involved, entertaining stories. I am sure many MNs will give you plenty of examples. You are going to have a BABY, who will grow into a toddler, a child, a teenager, an adult. Gender is just one of a myriad of things which will influence that progress.

Stop fixating and overthinking - grow up, be a DAD. You cannot even blame your hormones!!

PS - it was having 2 DDs that turned my DH into a vociferous feminist. He had never noticed sexism, etc. until it began to affect his precious, brilliant, definatly not 2nd class daughters.

SlevinKelevra Tue 09-Aug-11 12:44:42

Any____ Wow – not sure I was expecting a response of such violent temperament, and as early as lunchtime too – but I suppose I must thank you for your input anyway and taking the time to flame my post. PS Nice UserName.

Paschaelina – yes – that is my current attitude to it, I've read all the books I can possibly find and its given me a lot of tips and things that I've never contemplated.

I hope I didn’t misconstrue the first post – but by all means I'm delighted – I'm not saying I don’t want a daughter, heavens no, I simply wanted to post in the DadsNet section and see what thought process the other Dads went through. I don’t consider it sexist to have wanted a boy, but like I said, its more genetically encoded to be expected – that’s all.

The rest of the post is dramatisations of things – I'm not saying that IF I had a boy I would force him into football and would only be allowed football related presents for his birthday (etc).

It was simply a thought process of what the ‘typical’ boy upbringing would be – based on my own experiences.

As outlined above, I came from a home of boys – so I can only assume girls are fragile and will need my constant protection.

Granny23 I'm not sure of all the acronyms yet – as I havent read all the help guides, but I'm assuming you’re saying that you’ve had a kick around with your Grand daughters. I don’t doubt this – and I would never imply that certain sports/activities are only for certain genders. I didn’t mean for anything to come across that way – like I said – it was just dramatisations of the gender stereotypes.

But as I'm quite into my football, and naturally when we conceived it was an initial “look forward to” sort of thing – its of course in my thoughts.

My OP was simply asking people how they deal with things – i.e. if it’s a Girl, would it not be naturally closer to the Mother?

What sort of Father/Daughter activities do people have – as the only thing I can imagine is shopping (again, I'm seriously not being sexist here, I'm bamboozled by TV and the likes of “Clueless”).

I want quality time – and don’t want to be the figure in the background paying bills and only seen as the disciplinarian – or the one who never lets her do anything (out of protection and worry).

Just an honest question – aimed at the other Dads.

If I've caused any offence to anyone – I can only apologise.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Tue 09-Aug-11 12:47:34

Jeez. Your baby is a person. Does it reall ymatter if it's a boy or girl? Do you really think the only thing you can do together is shop? There is absolutely no difference between the things a girl baby and a boy baby will enjoy. You are being ridiculous.

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 12:48:25

violent ?

don't be silly

ElectricSoftParade Tue 09-Aug-11 12:50:14

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Pootles2010 Tue 09-Aug-11 12:51:36

I think you'd being a bit daft with regards to gender stereotypes, and you'd do well to get over them, if you can it'll help relationship with your daughter lots.

Girls aren't 'naturally' closer to their mums - have you never heard of Daddy's girls?

Most girls don't go shopping with their dads, no. In fact, you may be amazed to know there are those of us who loathe shoppping! My sister goes to st andrews with my dad all the time.

I know you're not being deliberately sexist, but you are doing it nonetheless - do you really think shopping is all we do?

Its great that you want to be involved -and because of this I'm sure you will be.

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 12:51:59

do you know summat we don't, ESP ?

ElectricSoftParade Tue 09-Aug-11 12:54:31

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

BaronessBomburst Tue 09-Aug-11 12:55:01

Well, congratulations, but you are being a wee bit of a dick! Girls can play football, boys can go shopping. Why don't you just let the baby grow into a person in his/her own right, with his/her own tastes and enjoy them for who they are.

And if you think that girls are naturally closer to the mother - you're in for a shock when she hits puberty!!

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 12:58:44

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 12:59:09

Pan come and help him out, won't ya

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Tue 09-Aug-11 13:05:27

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

SlevinKelevra Tue 09-Aug-11 13:06:30

ElectricSoftParade You are indeed wrong, and if I write similar to some douche then I apologise. I wish I had enough time to write slander haha! Genuinely I'm not.

Pootles2010 Ill just reiterate, these are not my stereotypes – they are the stereotypes, I was just using them as an example. As I stated, I don’t doubt that girls are into football etc. I mentioned the “DaddysGirl” in my OP, that’s what I see when I think of Girls who are close to their Dad.

I would love her to get involved in whatever she chooses, but with my family, it was ‘old fashioned’ that Dad would come with me to football etc, and I would do the Saturday Shop with Mum sort of thing.

If the young ‘un grows up to be into Horse Riding, I can only imagine her wanting to go with her Mum (like all the Mums and Daughters that I saw on the stud I used to work on).

True – it doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl – I can only further reiterate the point that I'm not disappointed or gutted or anything along those lines – I'm simply saying/asking what other Dads thought about this – as I'm sure that a lot of Dads think the same way – as jokingly – a lot of my friends have said “Who are you going to play football with now?!”

Of course ill get involved and if she wants me to come Badminton with her – ill go.

But from my own upbringing and the close friends who have kids around me now… The girls all seem to stick to the Mums (Horse Riding, Ballet/Dance, Hockey, Ice Skating, Karate etc) and all the boys seem to stick with the Dads…

I know it seems bizarre, but why cant both parents go to things with the kids? Does this become impratical in ‘real life’ due to commitments, chores and other stuff?

I just rarely see a full family unit attending the kids activities.

PS “If you want to contribute to a site predominantly used by women”… I thought id posted this ‘male’ directed question in the DadsNet section?

I'm seriously not trying to annoy anyone – but it seems now even my use of language is cause for a flaming?

From all the TV spots and interviews with MumsNet people… I thought this was a place of discussion and what not… I'm amazed there’s so much foul language and name calling.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Tue 09-Aug-11 13:09:25

Sigh. Maybe you never see a full family unit as the dad is off with the other dc doing another activity? Just a thought. There's no reason for you to feel left out. The impression I get is that you're worried about being left out. Really, grow up. Be the best father you can. An once you have a baby, you'll realise just how much of this navel gazing is bollocks. It just won't seem important.

Pan Tue 09-Aug-11 13:11:24

In which particular way AF?grin

SK - just read your profile. Just calm down. Read a bit more of MN before putting anymore of your feet in the do-do.

btw, my girl is 11. Meamest tackler I've ever known, and I have the bruises. You seem to be viewing girls, (and so women), through a media prism. can I award medals to your dp/dw for having the restraint to allow you live so far into a pregnancy.

and just calm down! - bet i'm not the first person you've heard that from.

that sort of thing AF?

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Tue 09-Aug-11 13:11:49

I would like to hear more about your theory that males are "more genetically encoded" -to expect their children to be sons? I think that's what you're saying, genuinely interested as to why you think that is the case.
What are you basing this on? Conversations with other fathers? Not bashing just curious.

BoysintheHood Tue 09-Aug-11 13:17:06

First of all, you'd do well to stop writing such sexist rubbish on a forum that is made up of mainly women and has a lot of women who are very intelligent and outspoken feminists.

Secondly, start to think of your baby as a baby. A person. An individual. She will grow up and develop her own interests and personality. She may be into ballet, she may love football. Wait until she shows interests and then support them. I have three boys, the first loves dance and is in his school dance club. The second is obsessed with maths and history. Third is just a baby so no interests yet but whatever they turn out to be I will just support and encourage them.

Thirdly, when it comes to days out, have you never heard of any activity other than football? Soft play, swimming, beaches, walks in the countryside, ice skating, cinema, museums, theatre to name a few off the top of my head.

Finally, congratulations and best of luck to all of you.

Pan Tue 09-Aug-11 13:19:23

things dd and I do/did: reading stories together, swimming, eating ice cream, watching tv programmes, teaching her to cook (recently, got as far as small time frying). You know - exactly the sort of things a mum would do with her.

If you give it a chance, you will find MN invlauable - I sometimes wish I found it when dd'd mum was pregnant but grow a thick skin and expect a fair bit of suspicion and enquiry.

Oh and really BIG CONGRATULATIONS!! Girls are fab.

BoysintheHood Tue 09-Aug-11 13:22:46

Well don't do what all the other dads do and bloody go then! If your DD likes ballet, go to ballet class to watch, be there for exams/performances. If she plays an instrument, watch her practice, go to recitals. Only you can make sure you are actively involved in your daughter's life.

SlevinKelevra Tue 09-Aug-11 13:26:05

Yes – conversations with other fathers and an unbringing of football.

I play other sports, like TenPin Bowling, Hockey, Badminton, Fencing and all sorts of varied’ness – but pretty much everyone I know with children have boys and they all have little nets in the garden and enjoy playing around etc.

But the ones that have little girls – they seem so uninterested – even when I'm in their homes.

I really don’t want that – and with experiences of the horse yard, taekwondo classes – all sorts of things I've done both as supervisor and child – it always seems a bit ‘biased’ and ‘singlular’.

Yes – the argument that the other parent is elsewhere with the other child, but not everyone has two+ kids.

Do people do stuff as singulites because the other parent is off somewhere getting various essentials or doing tasks/DIY that’s been waiting to be done?

When I say genetically encoded, its not like I believe that – that’s just a way of saying what I see. I see all these bruisers – and they all are very close to their sons – and football is there one thing they have.

They just always seem to fob the girls (those that have them) to the Mum and seem really uninterested in their achievements and general day to day lives.

I don’t want it to be like that, so I was simply curious as to how the other Dads felt – if they had ‘geared’ themselves up to having boys and doing “Father/Son” jazz – then being told it’s a girl.

Again, no disappointment whatsoever, all it means is I have to change my plans of 1st birthday present smile

I truly didn’t mean to cause offense, just wondering what people did.

My own thoughts is that I should just try and free up as much time from work as possible (as I work long days) so I can do to whatever after-school-activity she chooses. Regardless if I'm the only Dad there – or if the other girls only go with their Mums. Id like to be Mum and Dad at these things.

But if people say “its unrealistic” then id like to know why… Do things get in the way? Do the chores and tasks stack up if you try and be in your kids activities all the time?

SlevinKelevra Tue 09-Aug-11 13:28:33

Thank you to those of you coming in with helpful responses.

Pan, thats brilliant - its the sort of things I didnt even think of. Like I said, ive read loads of parenting books, but I cant find one about activities and things to do - post Baby-days smile

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 13:32:33

oh, I dunno Pan

give him a manly punch or summat grin

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