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Male view on a sex question please

(16 Posts)
confusedone Wed 29-Jun-11 08:05:26

I'll try to keep this brief.

Do men find women who tell them what they like in bed, a threat/turn off , early on in a relationship?

A man recently told me that my comments over what I liked and how I liked it ( talking foreplay here) put him off his stroke, and that potentially he could lose his erection.

He's sexually experienced and we are both mature- 45+- so I was a bit surprised at this, especially as he has also said that the whole point of sex is to please your partner. But he says he would like to find out for himself in time rather than have a kind of "up a bit, down a bit, softer , harder" set of instructions .

Is this something that affects men _ i've never had it before, but then truthfully I haven't had that many partners- or is it personal to him?

It made me worry that I'd always be frightened of saying the wrong thing.

Gay40 Wed 29-Jun-11 08:09:59

I LOVE it when a woman knows what works for her and says so. I think only insecure people or crap shags would be put off by it.
It prevents the "what you are doing has no effect" situation.

GiveMeSomeSpace Wed 29-Jun-11 09:29:40

Communication during sex is a huge turn on IMO. A woman who knows what she likes, wants and tells you so is also a huge turn on (again IMO).

I'm not sure I know many guys who wouldn't feel the same but I suppose I have never asked my mates. I guess everyone is different.

HTH smile

confusedone Wed 29-Jun-11 09:40:45

well that's what I thought so this has really thrown me.

He referred to me as "demanding" which I found odd.

I thought that men appreciated input but he seems to feel that initially- ( it's a LDR and we have only tried once) that he wants to call the shots and not be "led".

I find it odd and am a bit worried, because it does contradict other things he has said about communication etc etc.

Could it be a case of stage fright the first few times? And he wants to feel in control and not have too much talking or thinking? We have known each other for ages but moved from friends to something else and i think he is worried- he admits this- of cocking it up in bed.

GiveMeSomeSpace Wed 29-Jun-11 10:39:50

It could well be a confidence thing on his part. A confident woman is the biggest turn on, but I suppose he could be a little unsettled if he has put some pressure on himself - and you say he has admitted that he is worried about cocking it up in bed.

I suppose you could take it slowly and see how it goes. You'll soon figure out if it's going to work.

Good Luck smile

iamthedaddy Fri 01-Jul-11 22:11:05

IMO it all depends on how you tell him that might make the difference. Lets face it all most guys are basically a bit pervy when it comes to sex so a woman that likes to talk about it beforehand and tell us what she likes is quite a turn on, but having her provide an A to Z and critiquing every move might get a bit much specially if its early days and he is still wanting to be all alpha male with the new concubine grin

GiveMeSomeSpace Sat 02-Jul-11 07:57:36

iamthedaddy most men are a bit pervy? Now there's an assertion! I'm sure lots would agree.

I like to tell myself I like lots of "variety" - maybe that makes me a perve...... smile

eeore Sat 02-Jul-11 12:58:10

It depends on what it is and how you said it.

BluddyMoFo Sat 02-Jul-11 13:09:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo Sat 02-Jul-11 13:12:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eeore Sun 03-Jul-11 11:15:28

And the prize for pontless misandrist nihilism goes to BluddyMoFo.

The judges were also very impressed by your confusion of sex and violence, for which you recieve the Fred West Award for services to humanity.

Hullygully Sun 03-Jul-11 11:21:49

And the prize for humourles thickness and wide missing of the point, and inability to spell one's own name, goes to eeore

BluddyMoFo Sun 03-Jul-11 13:54:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwesomePan Tue 05-Jul-11 12:46:33

getting back to OP....yes, big turn on. Evidence of being confident in bed,and just that little bit demanding......which is a Good Thing.

TimsterC Wed 06-Jul-11 13:57:43

Personally I think it's good to know what you want/like in bed, that way he can make sure you have a good time too. If he disagrees then maybe he needs educating into how much he gets from you being pleasured.

SeasonTicketless Wed 27-Jul-11 20:58:36

I don't think anyone - man or woman - wants to be told something that indicates they are crap in bed, so I guess it comes down to how it's said, how open and honest you are together and stuff like that.

Personally I'd rather someone said what worked and what didn't, but not everyone is the same.

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