Help

[Idkxoxo]

Idkxoxo

So I’m not sure where to start

When I was 15 I met this guy who was 25 years old. He became my “boyfriend” (I had one previous boyfriend before) he was friendly, lovely and would constantly be offering me drink. I was still quite innocent even though I had lost my virginity already I didn’t really know or want to have sex but he convinced me it was okay and that’s what people do when they love eachother 🙃 any way he ended up ended it and I found out he was actually in a relationship with someone his age all along and I was a secret. (for me it was devastating but I didn’t know it was wrong so it was a blessing in disguise) years go on, I have 2 children, who I adore but I can never hold down a relationship, I don’t know why. I just get angry(to myself) very quickly, bottle things up and can never talk seriously about my feelings, I just can’t. My mum did make me go to the police when she found out about it, CPS couldn’t press charges because there was lack of evidence (I had a new phone, a year had past and I had deleted and blocked everything to do with him) even though I know exactly the lay out of his room, I know about his tattoo on his leg and even the fact he had already done this previously to 4 other underaged girls. Two of which was rape (one count was mine, got me so drunk I didn’t remember what happened) and second was completely conscious un consented so it was rape. Most girls dropped their statements and I was told “I wasn’t a good whiteness because of my life style” (I was very young with a chaotic childhood I was a young carer for my suicidal mum and autistic brother) and I just haven’t got over any of it. There’s never a day I don’t think about it and get angry at the whole thing.

What could I do to forget it or move on? It’s been years and I can’t seem to just let go. It’s emotionally exhausting

[GreyGoose1980]

I’m sorry you have been through so much OP. Do you feel able to discuss this with your GP and request to be referred to counselling. Unfortunately the waiting lists are quite long but going private is expensive