helping the mrs !

[bamboolzled]

Right, not going to proclaim I’m the world’s best husband ever, I know I’m not, I do forget some things and a few times they have been important.

I’m here to ask for a sounding board.

I work full time as does my wife. My wife is significantly better paid than I am, about 25 % more and I don’t think I’m badly paid for what I do.

On maternity leave, my wife’s baby group all got their other halves to give them an amount to spend like pocket money up to £500 a month. No one I know has done this, but she thinks this is normal. Is it ?

I didn’t, but I paid for all shopping, paid 50% for anything purchased additionally for my kids. My wife’s maternity pay was full pay for six months and reduced thereafter. In effect, she actually put away a lot of money.

This one is being put back at me a lot recently and I want to know what others think. Whilst doing my through the night duties, commuting and shopping, washing and the other things. Should I have given her an allowance, when money wasn’t even there to start with ???

Monies been tight for the last year a lot and I know a lot of other parents really struggle too.

Help please !

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

This is a lot of chat about your money and her money- surely it's just household money?

When you say you paid half of anything additionally for your kids- are these kids you share or are they yours from a prior relationship?

In any case, every household's income differs. You can only really compare like for like.

Also, given that your wife's maternity pay will have reduced after 6 months- it would be very hard to put away money. But if she has then great- every family should have some savings behind them.

You need to sit down and analyse where your household money actually goes- we can't tell you.

[Pleasebeafleabite]

We had similar incomes and I got four and half months at 90% of my pay; then basic statutory. Took a year off.

We had a joint account for household expenses only (including food) with other finances separate. When I was working 50:50 to the joint account to cover everything off

From month 5 my DP paid enough money into the joint account for 100% of bills and food and then £500 on top for me to spend.

I think yes she needed an allowance. The £500 I had I could have spent on myself if I wanted. As it was I just bought essentials for me and used it to take DS out and about and for bits and pieces that he needed. I would imagine most new mums would do the same

Our arrangement suited me as I was going back to work at one year onto a reasonable salary again. "Family money" I think is more essential where there is a SAHM or significant loss of earnings on return to work

[Thegrandoldelf]

For us whilst DH and I have our salaries paid into our own accounts, he then transfers the bulk of his salary into our joint account. From my salary I pay the nursery bill, put a bit in the joint account to cover my commuting costs (£425/month) and put anything left into savings. All money is family money and I only spend money out of our joint account. I buy what I want without consulting DH but I live a far from extravagant life! It works for us and we both have equal access to money.

[PenelopeFlintstone]

All of our incomes just went into a joint account and we spent what we wanted/needed.

[MrsKOBrien]

Hi,

DH and I both work full time now but I went part time after my first child was born. We have, since moving in together in 1997 (yikes), pooled all money together. I am the bigger earner but everything goes into the same pot and we split the money 3 ways - bills, everyday spends (like shopping/fuel) and savings/pocket money. I was able to save quite a bit for my first maternity leave as our mortgage was quite low back then. I took a year off with both children but we continued to have the same pocket money as we'd always had even when I was on maternity leave. We budget £50 per week each. I am quite frugal so always have some left each Friday (or top up day).
I tend to use the child benefit for bits for the kids so she could use that.

[Thebluedog]

Same household, same pot, especially if you’ve got kids. You earn as a family and all of it, regardless of who earns what, and how should be used by the family for everything you need to pay and the fun stuff too

[Vixnixtrix1981]

I know a lot of the women on here will tell you about family money etc ... and I probably agree that if you're married everything should go into one pot.
As that's not the case and you picked up a lot of the essential costs, and there was nothing left in your pot, then no ... you shouldn't have given her £500 a month that you did not have.

[Tiredofit]

I think it totally depends on how much money you have to spare each month. If you have enough to give her £500 a month then jolly good. Give it to her. We have very little (if any) left over after bills, food, fuel etc so whoever needs it most gets what they need. She shouldn't be putting money in savings or blowing it on fun things if you are going overdrawn to accommodate it. Likewise she shouldn't be sitting at home unable to go out for a coffee whilst you are spending willy nilly!