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Just embarrassed myself in a defining moment in supermarket. Need to vent.

(50 Posts)
minesapintofwine Wed 06-Dec-17 11:28:16

I'm so embarrassed.

2017,money wise, has been our worst year financially and a real struggle. Finally things are looking up and I'm optimistic.

So this am,wandering around Aldi, I basically picked up a few extras that I didn't need cos ya know I've got money in the bank now. Or so I thought.

Got to the till with my epic shop and my card wouldn't go through. It's OK I said I've got another card I'll just go and draw some out to make up the difference. There wasn't enough on that card either blush. And because they'd already put the receipt through they had to put the entire shop through again before they could start taking stuff off. So basically I caused chaos and every single customer and staff member there can now see my financial status, probably wondering why I'd shoved so much in in the first place.

The cashier was so helpful,non judgemental and considerate. I'm going to send her a thank you card (in the post,cos I'm never going there again). I think it was the fact that she had to do it all again whilst everyone looked that made me want the ground to swallow me up. I don't really mind handing stuff back when I've gone over. But I felt like,look at me, I've got two bank cards and cash and still can't afford to feed my family. The most annoying thing is I had enough cash sitting on my kitchen dresser,which I will now be using to buy the things that had to go back, and loads of booze as wine o'clock is starting early tonight. Plus when I got home I dropped 4 eggs, and then burst into tears.

I just feel like it's summed up my year which for various reasons has been...well...fucking awful. But it has made me more determined to make 2018 better in every way Inc. financially.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit silly. I know there are much worse problems. I just need to get it out. I hope I don't regret posting this 😢

Ecureuil Wed 06-Dec-17 11:29:54

I had a similar defining moment a few years ago. Things have got so much better since then financially, but my attitude has also changed massively.
Hugs to you.

RickOShay Wed 06-Dec-17 11:32:16

flowers I have just done a tight supermarket shop, and missed lots of offers, then dropped my clementines and squashed them grin
You are not alone sweetheart. You have done nothing wrong, nothing to see here. Don’t let this spoil your dayflowers

minesapintofwine Wed 06-Dec-17 11:33:15

Thank you Ecure that's definitely what I needed to hear. I felt a bit self centred posting but I really needed someone to make me feel better,soon I selfishly looked to mnetters as I know they can do that.
I just feel like shit.

I'm going to take dog for a long walk now but will come back later.

minesapintofwine Wed 06-Dec-17 11:33:52

Thank you rick. I'm crying again now!

RickOShay Wed 06-Dec-17 11:35:17

Good idea. It’s ok it really is. bloody moneygrin

GummyGoddess Wed 06-Dec-17 11:37:09

Nobody would judge you, when I see it happening I just think thank God it isn't me this time because it could happen to anyone!

I have seen someone say that they forgot they had a new card and the one they tried to use was the old one. I don't know if that was true but seemed like a good excuse.

BossyBitch Wed 06-Dec-17 11:38:40

Been there, done that - back in the day when I had an irresponsible husband who easily managed to spend not only his but also my entire salary by the 20th of each month.

It's mortifying but you'll be fine. And that cashier sounds lovely! flowers

On a more general note, though: there's something utterly wrong with society if it primes us to feel embarrassed at not having money. Actual poverty (which is obviously the assumption that we fear others will make about us in these moments) shames not the poor but the system that allows for people to be poor, surely?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 06-Dec-17 11:40:12

You are not alone wine.

So much so that I am now in the habit of checking my balance on my mobile banking app before going through the checkout. Just in case anything has been taken out since I last checked/left home!

Also, if I'm having a tight week, I'll go to Tesco & use scan and shop. Not as cheap as Aldi, but at least you can be certain you're not overspending.

Enjoy your wine.

MudCity Wed 06-Dec-17 11:45:46

Bless you OP. But, really, cards get rejected all the time for various reasons. You are definitely not alone. Please do not be embarrassed....you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. flowers for you.

snowflakesnow Wed 06-Dec-17 11:47:24

Don't worry op it happens to the best of us. I remember one time when I was pregnant with my dd and dp and started a new job and we ended up skint due to a delay in his pay.

So I got all our pennies together and put them through the machine in the local Tesco to change it into a shopping voucher. Of course they put he machine right in front of everyone at the tills and it's so noisy but I didn't have a choice. I got £8 from it and was able to do a small shop buying all basics brands and was able to cook 5 days of meals from scratch (no meat). Just got the usual bread, porridge, milk, pasta, tinned tomatoes, beans, eggs, rice, vegetables and some cheap fruit.

Safe to say we have made a point of trying to never get into that situation again.

PastaOfMuppets Wed 06-Dec-17 11:51:36

I remember once when I was so broke I used to know my bank account balance off by heart and calculate exactly each tiny grocery shop. At that time I had a PAYG mobile phone which I desperately tried not to use as my credit was always very low. I did a tiny shop, mentioned very quietly to the cashier to please just let me leave something behind if my card didn't go through. She thought it was some sort of joke and told me loudly in front of the queue behind me that I had insufficient funds. Mortified, I immediately phones the bank balance number (before smart phones!) only to realise it had gone through. I was almost in tears as I left because of the embarrassment and because I'd made one call that had just connected and now had zero credit left. Bad times, pretty scary.

OP - it's happened to many people, is nothing to feel crappy about, and I hope things really do begin to look up for you soon. 🌼

PatchworkGirl Wed 06-Dec-17 11:51:44

Honestly, I have worked in shops, waited in queues and had cards not work myself. It has never, ever occured to me to assume that a card not working means the person has not got enough money/bought too much shopping or anything else alopng those lines. Machines are unreliable, people make mistakes/forget PINS/bring wrong card, banks do random spot checks - there could be any number of explanations and (to be brutally honest) I'm not usually interested enough to speculate. I imagine that most normal people feel the same - I can't imagine that many were looking at you and judging.

I do feel for you though - I really hate feeling responsible for keeping a long queue waiting, even when it's not my fault!

RavingRoo Wed 06-Dec-17 11:53:40

It happens to everyone, even people who do have money in their accounts. I accidentally tried to go over my credit card limit without realising and had to effectively leave my shopping behind as I had no other cards / money. So embarrassing I didn’t go back.

WindyWindy Wed 06-Dec-17 11:54:40

I am a real grumpy shopper but I wouldn't have minded being behind you at all. Most people would feel for you as we have all had issues at tills. And no it wouldn't necessarily occur to me it was a lack of funds. (I always blame the bank computer!)

RhiannonOHara Wed 06-Dec-17 11:57:35

I'm sorry, OP, but it's over now and all that happened was that people looked at you. Remember, most of them didn't care/will forget as they go about their own lives.

It's lovely of you to be sending the staff member a card.

thanks
brew
cake

snowflakesnow Wed 06-Dec-17 11:57:48

Also I may add I worked for a long time in Iceland frozen foods before I then went to work for a bank.

The amount of times in Iceland cards have declined and I would always discreetly say it's declined so you want to try again or if they were low in funds I would always suggest if they had any cash to reduce the card payment, I would do what I could I even took loads of pennies for people to help them out.

I have also had people come to me with a social services cheque and say they are going to do a shop then come to my till if I could be discreet about the cheque and of course I will. I always put it into my till and then when they come round no one has to see anything and it's not mentioned.

Working in a bank cards are declined for so many stupid reasons. Mostly bank checks or security reasons.

ivenoideawhatimdoing Wed 06-Dec-17 11:58:29

OP, you have nothing to be upset about - you have done nothing wrong.

DH and I were so poor at one point that we had to rummage down the settee, the cars, every coat pocket and every nook and cranny to scrape together enough change to buy a packet of potatoes and a tin of beans for tea.

He had just graduated Policing at university, he was on the dole whilst waiting for recruitment to open up and being a Specials Officer at night to bulk out his CV. I was working in a job I hated just to make ends meet. We had two cars to run, a mortgage, food and bills, just one one pay packet slightly higher than minimum wage.

It was awful. Fucking awful. I used to be at the end of a shop coppering up to see what I could buy between three items.

You are not alone. This happens every single day. It will and it does get better.

Yeahsureokay Wed 06-Dec-17 12:11:20

No decent human being would ever judge this. I've had my card not work before (still don't why) but luckily I had dp with me so used his. I could already feel myself burning up though. It's so silly, why do we feel this way? It really could happen to anyone, and people behind in the queue generally don't know what the reason is either. Everyone will have forgotten as soon as they left the supermarket anyway. It's only in your head now, and it shouldn't be op. Absolutely no shame here.

Now go have a nice drink and something yummy and have a happy day op 💐

nannybeach Wed 06-Dec-17 12:12:11

I went to a petrol station on my way to work, put in £10, got to the cashier opened purse no debit card, no other means of payment, they were so nasty to me, treated me like I had murdered someone. Told me I had stolen the fuel, and comited a criminal act. Got to work, cancelled card. Was told I had to go back in person to pay, this was 40 miles from home, so I borrowed the money from a friend at work, went back after my shift before going home, man I saw was really sweet, said I could have rung up and pay, I didnt need to go all the way back. There was a big queue behind me, and the way the woman was berrating me, i was almost in tears. Funnily, enough, I had actually left my debit card in an Aldi branch, they had put it in the safe for me, but of course, I had cancelled it. They said it happens all the time. Shot to sainsbury the other night with my grandaughter, went to the self-service, THEN realised I had left my purse at home!

AsMenDclaredWomenTheirInferior Wed 06-Dec-17 12:19:59

Apparently the CO-OP are going to sell all their out of date stock at 10p each instead of binning it.
Great, I can't wait. smile
I know I will have enough to cover that bill, what is worse than having to tell them at the check out you can't afford all the food you have in your basket? sad

Thishatisnotmine Wed 06-Dec-17 12:20:37

Happened to me twice recently. In a chemists when my card was declined for a thrush pessary and a self service checkout where help had to be called to remove all my items (including a not very cheap bittle of wine blush) so I could get it down to a couple of items to pay by cash. No one shopping there will remember and the staff are usually kind and understanding.

Hugs for you though flowers

tabulahrasa Wed 06-Dec-17 12:28:01

The woman at the checkout won't have been judging you at all...

Cards get refused for all sorts of reasons, I had one where the chip just failed one day, I've had a credit card declined because of suspicious activity... I was using it, 2 days before Christmas in my local shops...still not sure how that was suspicious, lol

Oh and my best one, I put my card in at the till at the co-op and the till died, then one by one they all went down, they were down all day shockblush

My friend keeps picking up her husbands card by mistake and then of course her pin is wrong.

Stuff like that happens all the time.

SlothMama Wed 06-Dec-17 13:18:25

Aw OP I'm glad the cashier was kind to you, maybe email the store as she may receive a reward for her kindness?

I've worked as a cashier and had many a customer go through this same issue, I've never judged and always tried my hardness to help them through. I would check their nectar balance to see if that could go towards the shop etc.

I do hope it gets better for you flowers

crumbsinthecutlerydrawer Wed 06-Dec-17 13:26:26

Been there too OP, I remember being utterly embarrassed a couple of years ago as I had less than £4 in my account to buy dinner for the four of us with. Got to the till with the sad couple of bits I’d found and my card wouldn’t go through. I’d forgotten about a bill due out and had to just leave my shopping there. The cashier was unpleasant as was the snooty customer behind me. Mortifying. Thankfully we’re not in that position anymore, although by no means well off.

I remember being in a tight spot for a few years, it will get better, it is bloody miserable at the time though.

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