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Hen weekend

(17 Posts)
Beachcountrysidetown Mon 18-Sep-17 15:07:27

I have been invited on a hen night. Originally I said yes but now I realise that I can not afford it.
I live a very frugal lifestyle which suits me and my family very well. By doing so, we can afford a holiday a year, trips out as a family and save presents for birthdays and Christmas.
A lot of my friends don't believe that we don't have a large amount of disposable income because of the holidays trips out etc but the reality is that we can afford these things because everything else is so frugal! We have a tight food budget, second hand clothes etc. This is how we like it and appreciate the good things we get to do because of the savings we make.
So, I was invited on a hen night. I originally said yes but now I have realised that the whole thing will end up costing about £350 which is money that I feel I can't spare. At the time I didn't think and I shouldn't have said yes. This is more than I spend on food each month and will eat into savings we have and ultimately will mean we can't do something as a family (or rather a few things!) I feel I don't like this frugal lifestyle to blow it all on a piss up, basically.
Nothing has been booked but the organisers are upset with me because they don't know how tight my budget actually is month in month out and also because they have been looking into places to stay already for the amount of people who have said yes.
I am so stuck on what to do! I don't want to spend the money but then I don't want to look like a selfish person either.

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DancesWithOtters Mon 18-Sep-17 15:23:20

Just go along for a meal and drinks and don't go to the rest.

Beachcountrysidetown Mon 18-Sep-17 15:25:29

That's the problem - it's away (a nighty and 2 days) So I can't just pop along!
Thinking of offering to cook the bride to be and her husband to be dinner?

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DancesWithOtters Mon 18-Sep-17 15:30:10

If it's away then just let her know that unfortunately due to finances you won't be able to make it, and you hope they have a lovely time.

You are allowed to not go, it's fine.

Does my bloody head in, all of these new weekend long hen parties involving flights and hotel etc that end up costing hundreds of pounds per person. angry

Why can't anyone just go to the pub and a boozy curry any more.

Fluffycloudland77 Mon 18-Sep-17 17:49:24

You're going to have to tell them what you've told us.

If they don't like it then their not very good friends, are they?.

no one seems to do meal out and a club anymore.

purplecorkheart Mon 18-Sep-17 17:52:49

Just say that due to a change in circumstances that you regretfully cannot attend and wish them a fab time. If they ask what circumstances just say that they are very personal and you are unable to discuss it at present.

specialsubject Mon 18-Sep-17 18:54:46

Tell them these simple truths. Anyone who blubbers about it is too much of a fool to bother with. Facts dont need belief.

But do it quickly.

Beachcountrysidetown Mon 18-Sep-17 20:20:05

The organisers are upset because I have already told them that I don't have the money but that are annoyed and do not believe me because we have holidays etc. They don't realise how frugal I am and think I'm making excuses!

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Fluffycloudland77 Mon 18-Sep-17 20:25:35

Well, I can believe it. You can't have your cake & eat it.

Maybe if they spent less on hen dos for someone you might not know in 10 years they could have holidays.

Dontknowwhattodonowok Mon 18-Sep-17 20:26:58

But having been someone who organises these dreaded events, it's pretty irritating when you've budgeted for an event down to the penny for everyone to have fun, and then someone drops out. You should have probably asked for a rough estimate of costs before saying yes. I appreciate your situation but it's jolly annoying for the poor fuckers who have to arrange these things!

soupforbrains Mon 18-Sep-17 20:27:44

That's really shorty for you OP. I had the exact same scenario earlier this year.

They've not booked anything so they have no right to be pissed off at you regardless of whether they think you have money or not.

If they've actually said 'but you went on holiday' (grrrr) then you simply say 'yes we did go on holiday and that was our luxury/spending money for the year, so I cannot afford this amount on just one night away.'

You don't have to tell them everything you've told us, and frankly it's none of their business, but if you can't deal with them being catty beaches then just respond like I said.

Whatever you do don't let them guilt you into saying you'll go, while it might be a fun weekend you'll really regret the money later, especially with Christmas coming up etc. xx

DancesWithOtters Mon 18-Sep-17 20:35:39

Well, tell them it's tough shit, and if they don't like it then they're not very good friends.

Don't sacrifice your annual family holiday for a hen do.

If I ever have a hen do it's going to be in the pub. Jeans compulsory, no pink shit, and a drunken curry afterwards. None of this multi-day far flung £500 crap.

bimbobaggins Tue 19-Sep-17 06:09:11

dontknow, maybe if the poor fuckers organising these things planned something simpler and less costly then people wouldn't drop out.
Sometimes people are too embarrassed to say they can't afford it.
What's wrong with a meal and a night out in town etc.
£350 for a hen do is extortionate, plus with the cost of going to the wedding on top no wonder people don't want to go

Squeegle Tue 19-Sep-17 06:19:16

Who has got £350 spare to go away for a hen do? It sounds a crazy amount to expect people to pay - particularly if it wasn't spelled out it would be that much at the beginning?

EmmaJR1 Tue 19-Sep-17 06:31:43

Seriously don't worry about them, I think it's quite obnoxious to expect a hen do costing £££. The bride would probably be quite upset if she knew you felt like this.

Mine was a Bollywood dance class and a boozy meal. Cost £50 max each!

Cupoteap Tue 19-Sep-17 06:37:49

Let them think what they like. They would rather call you a liar than accept what you've said.

Beachcountrysidetown Tue 19-Sep-17 10:14:19

Thanks all. Yes I didn't really realise the cost involved when I said "oh yes "friends" hen do would be fun" the cost has gone up and up from suggesting activity (which ended up being double what I would usually pay for this activity) staying away, hotel, dinner, travel etc.
I guess I know that I'm not wrong to want to be careful with money but it's annoying that people think that anyone can just spend huge amounts of money and it not have a significant impact on the rest of the month or year! I don't want to just pop it on a credit card or use savings which are tightly allocated already!

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