50:50 bills or salary dependent?

[NannyPlumBum]

I'm sure this has been asked before so please forgive me.
OH and I want to buy a car. I have 2 dc and he has 2 dc. He earns over twice what I do. He wants to buy the car, with me paying him back 50% over time, as well as half the insurance and half the tax yearly.
For some reason this doesn't sit well with me. I pay my own way in every other respect, as does he (we are in the process of moving in together, so another reason I want advice on this topic). We agree that should anything happen with our relationship he would buy me out and the car would be mine.
When I inclined that perhaps bills etc should be based on affordability and we should contribute according to what we earn, he didn't like it.
Just wondering what the norm is? Thanks

[NannyPlumBum]

Sorry, that should read - if anything were to change he would buy me out and the car would be his.

[AlternativeTentacle]

When I inclined that perhaps bills etc should be based on affordability and we should contribute according to what we earn, he didn't like it.

We both pay the same percentage of take home into a joint account. The issue here is that presumably it will be registered to one of you and so the other shouldn't be paying for half of it as that person will never get it back should you split up.

If he doesn't agree that as a higher earner his contribution needs to also be higher, then I'd recommend not moving in. State your terms and walk away if they do not meet your requirements.

[Crumbs1]

If you are partners then all monies are partnership funds. A joint account, all shared costs paid plus shared savings then split what's left evenly.

[Parker231]

All money, savings and assets are joint. Money available after paying bills is split equally regardless of salary.

[shouldaknownbetter]

We pay proportionally according to salary into a pot for mortgage food and family stuff. I pay around 60% and DH 40%.

No way would I pay half if my partner earned more than me!

[mokaerisifhija]

It depends how your relationship is heading to some extent. If you have been together for ages, are committed to one another and either planning to marry or expecting to live as if married for ever then you should be expecting to contribute unequally such that you each have about the same left at the end of the month.

However, if the relationship is relative new and you aren't confident that it is going to last, then keeping money on a more "housemates" footing is reasonable.

Either way -
If your lower earning is due to part time work, or even full time but fewer hours than him, and are you providing childcare for his kids as well as your own, ot if you do more housework and household planning and management than him - These are also valuable contributions to the household pot and should be monetised and counted as part of your contribution.

[OMGtwins]

This comes up loads...

Either you share all money and end up with the same spending money, or you pay fixed bills pro rota to your take home pay and have the same percentage of your income left bit different amounts, or you pay 50 50 bills but you knock money off for looking after the kids and anything you do that he would have to pay for if you weren't living with him. 50 50 on it own doesn't feel right to me.

As others have said, it depends on how commited you both are to the relationship but moving in feels pretty committed so I'd be aiming for the same spebding money left at the end of the month.

The car is a red herring. Who will drive it the most, who will use it to get to work? Sounds like it's him. Share the running costs when you're getting use of it by all means but if you're paying everything else 50 50 then he should pay for the car IMO.

When I earned twice what my wife did we paid pro rata bills and I bought the car and paid all expenses to do with running it, which left us with about the same at the end of the month.

[BumWad]

Percentage of salary.

After being on maternity leave and going back to work part time I put in a hell of a lot less in the joint account than DH.

[NannyPlumBum]

It's an extra car, a luxury item really, that will be used when all the family are together in terms of needing the 7 seats. So I will be using it primarily in the school holidays (nqt teacher hence lower salary and providing childcare for all dc in the hols)
Neither of us will use the car to/from work as we each have our own cars for this. And it would be registered to me.
In terms of the relationship, yes we are committed and have talked of marriage etc. However, the car has brought up my concerns in terms of other household bills. We have said we will have a joint account. I assume our salaries will be paid into this and whatever I want to buy for my dc I will do separately... But I will also be buying for his dc, and can't be expected to use the joint account for this unless I am doing the same for my own dc?
It's all sounding like hard work, unless we agree to use the joint account for everything and what's left after bills is shared. Long term, if my house is rented out we would be on similar income.
So what do I say about the car (which is the immediate issue)? No to paying him half? Hold off for now entirely?

[OMGtwins]

Don't pay anything to the car until you have a joint account. Tell him no until then. If you are having a joint account you each pay on your entirely salaries then take out what money you each budget to spend on your kids alone (this might not be the same depending on your respective exDPs and what is normal), you each also take out equal personal spending money (having agreed what is covered by that and what comes from the joint account, but to be clear, this money is for you only, not for anything to do with any kids or bills or anything), then what's left covers the bills (including running the car) whatever you want to save, and then buying the car.

All money from this point needs to be shared and each of you need to have equal access to it, joint savings and the lot.

Of either of you have savings from before you were together you'll need to agree what to do about them, but all savings from this point should be joint.

It's a pretty hard line position I've taken, but for me its fair to both of you, and reflects the level of commitment you have to each other (from what you've said). His reaction to it will tell you whether you should be moving in with him.

[OMGtwins]

correction, pay in your entire salaries....

[NannyPlumBum]

Good advice, thank you!

[OMGtwins]

If he spends his savings to buy the car you may decide together to pay him back from the joint account until his savings are back to the level they were, then revert to paying into a joint savings account but that's not the same as paying him 50 50 by a long way.

[eurochick]

I think the two fairest ways are either paying joint expenses in proportion to salary (which is what we do) or putting everything into one pot with anything left over split equally.

[dudsville]

I want to give 2 answers. Generally speaking, we pay into a joint account according to percentage of pay, from which all our bills get paid. I earn 10% more. However. I don't drive and I rarely benefit from the car. He saves up and buys it, but the mot and petrol etc., comes out of joint account.

[NannyPlumBum]

OMGtwins yes he would be purchasing the car with savings of his own. Then perhaps getting a loan to match the amount as he doesnt like not having savings. Then he wants me to pay him half of the car in monthly instalments.

[OMGtwins]

No repayments unless they are from the joint account, and only until his savings are topped up again. Why should you contribute 50 percent when it's going to leave you skint and he's not going to notice the extra money because it's going into savings? It's household money not his and yours, and you should both have the same amount of money left at the end of the month (after bills and savings and paying for the kids). Anything else and you're funding him at your own and your kids expense, selfish on his part. If it's that much of an issue to him he should have chosen his partner based on what they earn.

[NannyPlumBum]

Ok you've made it much more clear for me, thanks. I can see the logic! Whether or not he can remains to be seen. I will discuss the terms with him and make my decision from there. It's a joint expense so should be treated as one until his savings are met. Fair enough?

[OMGtwins]

Also, it effectively sounds like he's getting a loan for the car for you to pay back because he doesn't like not having savings.

It means effectively spending your money towards paying back the loan and the interest on it whilst his savings accrue interest. Loss for you, gain for him...

[NannyPlumBum]

That's a good point. I will ask about the interest as it's not fair. Oh dear. I don't see him seeing this rationally but so be it.

[OMGtwins]

Glad it helps. Good luck with the conversation.

[goingmadinthecountry]

We don't think about it. We just make sure it's covered between us - don't have our "own" money though I have my own bank account my salary is paid into. May be different though as we've been married 30 years. My dad re-married a few years ago and they keep their finances totally separate apart from food etc (they have separate homes in separate countries and live between the two).

[Panda81]

Are you saying you will have 3 cars between the 2 of you? Could you sell one car instead, so the new car becomes someone's day to day car?

Seems excessive having 3 cars especially if you don't feel comfortable with the extra costs.

[fuckoffdailysnail]

In our house DP is atrocious with money, he would see £1000 and spend it all not thinking about bills to be taken out of it. It was his idea for all our money to be put into my account and he receives £40 a week for transport/lunch etc. Obviously if he ever mentions needing more it gets transferred to him. He never questions where the money goes or how much I spend on things for me/him/kids/house.he works full time earning enough to support us and I'm a student
No idea who pays more but I would say DP as he earns more

[JustSaying99]

DH and I both pay in around 60% of what we earn into our joint account, so its the same % but a different amount of money. I earn more and I don't think it would be fare to DH for me to say, well I pay in X amount so you must match that, as that would be almost all his salary. We've been doing this since we got joint account (5+ years) and have never encountered any issues with this system.