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how to get out of this one HELP

(7 Posts)
TUNE316 Wed 31-Aug-16 13:21:37

Advise needed please, I am a first time poster and only just discovered MN I have found all your advise genuine and useful so I hope you can help me.
My husband and I have always had separate finances, he moved into the house I have a mortgage on when we first got to together, he has a joint mortgage with his mum and his mum lives in that house.
DH is great with money he will not spend unless he NEEDS something he always knows down to the penny what he has in savings and in his bank, he panics if he goes £1.00 into his over draft and pays his CCard in full each month.
I however am rubbish I spend now and think later, after all anything could happen tomorrow I am always in my overdraft and have £4000 ish on cards all of which I do pay but I live month to month.
The issue is this we are going to move and the mortgage has to be in my name otherwise he has to pay more stamp duty as he has another house, he thinks my mortgage is 10k less than what it actually is, in Jan I extended my mortgage to pay off more debt, I did not tell him as he suffers from extreme anxiety and panic attacks I was fine plodding along on my own but now we have decided to move, tomorrow a financial advisor is coming round and he wants to know all the ins and outs of my fiances and DH will be present.
I have to tell him tomorrow how do I do that, I have thought of writing a letter..I am scared to tell him only because of his ansixty he will freak out and I think it will make him ill, that’s why I have never told him.
How the hell do I tell him. Help

Desmondo2016 Wed 31-Aug-16 15:39:01

There is only one way to tell him and that's to come out with it. But I'm pretty certain he wont think it's anything like as big a deal as you think it is. Be brave and let us know how it goes .

But you do have to start being better with money from now on!

TUNE316 Wed 31-Aug-16 16:54:13

Desmondo. Thank you for that.I have started to make steps to budget I will let you know. Thank you

BlueFolly Wed 31-Aug-16 21:14:38

It comes across as though you are blaming your DHs anxiety for your not telling him. However I think a lot of people would become anxious if their partner had racked up £14 000 of debt.

You just have to be matter of fact, and accept that if this makes him anxious, it is not because of his 'anxiety' but perhaps a genuine fear of being tied to someone who is poor at managing money. Which is perfectly reasonable of him.

I would sit him down and say 'before the financial advisor comes tomorrow, I need to have a chat with you about finances and what I owe on the mortgage and credit cards.' And then take it from there.

Good luck, I know how it feels to be crap with money and married to someone who's the opposite smile

sooperdooper Wed 31-Aug-16 21:57:18

Are you me? I'm in a similar situation although DH doesn't own another property, he keeps on about moving and I've told him times there's not enough equity, agh

user1469656557 Sat 03-Sep-16 17:14:50

Hi, I'm more of a lurker and don't usually post but work in conveyancing.

No advice to give on your current situation but thought that you should know that under the new additional SDLT rules if you are married or in a civil partnership you are classed as one unit so if one of you own, or jointly own, another residential property (i.e. your husband) at the time of completion, the additional SDLT is payable even if that person is not a joint purchaser/owner.

chocolatespiders Wed 07-Sep-16 08:08:05

How did it go?

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