Can't cope anymore with being so broke, it's soul destroying

(62 Posts)
MakeThemEatCake Thu 10-Sep-15 17:38:41

I know I'm not the only one going through this, far from it. And I know compared to most of the world I'm considered very fortunate to have what I have, but honestly....I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes wondering how I'm going to cope, I have never been so badly off.

I'm on esa, which was due yesterday but hasn't been paid due to them not receiving my sick note so got to get another one tomorrow.
My bank is overdrawn (over my od limit) so am racking up charges as the days go by. We have no food in except some frozen chips and half a loaf of bread. My ds is an extremely fussy eater and has now decided he won't drink the milk we have in because its not got a vegetarian symbol on it.
Everywhere I go I look for pennies in the street that might have been dropped. My ds has nothing in parentpay for school so can't get a drink like his mates, he has to take the same bottle with squash in. Right now the chips are in the oven and the gas is on emergency and about to run out.
My phone bill is 3 days late and they'll be cutting me off within a few hours. Its my only form of communication with anyone as no computer anymore since it broke.

I owe a friend 20 quid which she's asked for a few times.
sigh I'm sorry to moan but feel demoralised and basically like a loser sad

Want to go to food bank but I've read that if you do then a referral to SS is made immediately.

OP’s posts: |
amazonqueen Thu 10-Sep-15 17:53:46

Its shit isnt it?

I would go to the food bank in the morning if possible .they dont refer you to SS - why would they do that? You havent done anything to warrant an interest from them.

If you have some help from the food bank this will help you sort out your money for the coming fortnight so you might be able to pay your friend back-or at least some of it.

Get your Medical certificate as early as possible from your GP and take it straight to the jobcentre. This ensures you will get your payment tomorrow.The earlier you take it the earlier the payment will be in you account.
Next time your certificate is due dont post it if your payday is close, just take it to the jobcentre and they will deal with it . Medical certificates are taking almost 2 weeks to arrive now so this is the quickest way to make sure your money will be in on time.

MakeThemEatCake Thu 10-Sep-15 18:21:22

Thanks amazon. Yep, its shit with extra shit thrown on top!
I will def try to get a food bank referral in the morning then, not sure why I thought Social services got involved, I think I read it on the money saving expert site.

Yes I spoke to a lovely guy at DWP this morning who said they'd not received my note although it was sent 10 days ago. It was really cutting it fine and I just knew I should have taken it in instead of posting it.

Tomorrow's a new day, fingers crossed.

OP’s posts: |
Doublebubblebubble Thu 10-Sep-15 18:41:13

I feel for you I really do. I agree with amazon 100% go to the food bank tomorrow. I remember there were a couple of months in 2012 when I just felt...dejected. Myself, dh and DD had so little money..I had stillborn twins and we had to pay out a fair amount of money to cover the cost of their funeral. I wanted the best for them. (we got no help from family at all) the washing machine exploded broke and well direct debits came out when there was no money in the I said it was a nightmare for a few months... Constantly on the emergency for gas and electric and very much living day by day. The worst day we had was when we had just stock cubes (for flavour) and cous cous for dinner. It takes a long time but it will get better. Even when I've got money now I bulk buy pasta and longlife foods for want of a better word, I now "hoard" food because I just cant imagine having to do it again. I was also going to suggest perhaps contacting the dwp for an emergency fund loan but I'm not sure if they do them anymore (we tried and were rejected) x good luck hun xx

MakeThemEatCake Thu 10-Sep-15 18:52:50

Oh double, I am so so sorry about your twins. That is so sad and my heart goes out to you, truly x flowers
As well as your grief you then had serious money worries to deal with, I admire you for getting through it. And I'm sad to read your family couldn't help you sad

I'm going to phone the council tomorrow, I believe emergency loans aren't dealt with by the jobcentre anymore, it falls to the local authorities so got to be worth a try.

Thanks for replying, it helps to share flowers

OP’s posts: |
Collieputthekettleon Thu 10-Sep-15 19:39:20

make deffo food bank! I have nothing else constructive to say blush we have been there a few years ago. It was terrifying and stressful.

I also hoard cupboard foods now because of past experiences. I remember once having a bowl of Sainsburys 20p stuffing for dinner.

flowers flowersflowers where in the UK are you?

MakeThemEatCake Thu 10-Sep-15 21:14:03

Hi collie thanks for reply, helps just having support, gives me strength somehow that people have taken the time to talk to me x

Sorry you've been there too, oh no about the stuffing!! Yeah, sometimes you look in the cupboards and have to get extremely creative!

Better not say where I am, scared of outing myself, silly I know shock

OP’s posts: |


Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 10-Sep-15 21:20:41

Try back of sofa, ebay somethings, check any tesco club points, contact the bank about charges, they can be human simetimes!

EngTech Thu 10-Sep-15 21:39:41

Talk to your creditors and update them on the situation

They may be able to sort something out, not write off the debts

The great computer kicks in if you don't talk to them and they send letters etc hence make them aware of the situation

Collieputthekettleon Thu 10-Sep-15 21:58:40

Definitely contact creditors...

Even the water company helped me. And so did RBS! RBS paused all charges and interest on my overdraft for a limited time. Otherwise it would have snowballed out of control. Don't bury your head in the sand. Be honest with the creditors. flowersflowers

MakeThemEatCake Thu 10-Sep-15 23:15:00

Thanks everyone. I've tried sofas, got no Clubcard vouchers but thankfully last week checked online and saw I had a fivers worth of Nectar points which I'd had no idea about as I hardly go to Sainsbury's so must have built up over time.

I talked to Lloyds a few months ago, they wouldn't increase my overdraft but they refunded some charges as I'd lost my job and was very worried. Then I went into the branch last week and the lady I spoke to was very unsympathetic and quite rude - I explained that the charges and overdraft interest are actually causing me to incur more charges! Its a snowball effect. She said there's nothing they can do sad I hate going in and speaking to people in banks/shops, it took a lot to do it and I felt so intimidated.

I will contact all creditors, I'm terrible and do have a habit of burying my head, I'm disorganised and my brain is foggy, I'm depressed and it makes it hard to cope day to day.

Am going to contact the local council tomorrow morning and maybe call the bank too and plead with them to refund some charges, then call 3 to see if I can pay my phone bill a bit later.

Thanks for suggestions cakeflowers

OP’s posts: |
MakeThemEatCake Thu 10-Sep-15 23:17:59

Just realised I've given personal details in prev post which could out me, don't know what's wrong with me.. blushconfused

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Thu 10-Sep-15 23:23:08

There are a few debt agencies that are completely free of charge and will help you sort out a debt repayment plan. CAP - Christians Against Poverty is one and I know there is another one but don't know the name of it!

They will stop you incurring interest and charges etc. flowers

amazonqueen Thu 10-Sep-15 23:39:16

Just to save you a phone call and disappointment I wouldnt bother with the council tomorrow.They only help in quite dire emergencies now and often only in vouchers rather than cash.If you are due a benefit payment tomorrow (and they know you will be paid once the Medical certificate is received ) they will not allow you anything at all. Plus you will have used up one of your 3 allowed attempts at applying. Save it for a 'real' ( I know.I know) emergency.

But yes contact all creditors and try to negotiate better terms /payment holidays . Communication always helps.If you can bear it sometimes even trying again after a knockback -speaking to another advisor can have a better result.

overthemill Thu 10-Sep-15 23:46:06

Go to CAB or similar advice agency and try to get your debts sorted out and get a benefits check. You will need to find every bit of paper you have about your debts and income/ outgoings. Food bank - definitely. Always take in your fit note if you live close enough to do that as it gets registered immediately pretty much. Try to have a bit in hand for next time. An emergency tenner or some food in case - bag of pasta and can of tomatoes plus some veg makes a meal. I know how tough it is but on here you will find some great tips to help you spend less when you finally get your money in

MakeThemEatCake Thu 10-Sep-15 23:58:10

Oh bugger amazonqueen ok thanks for that info. I know what you're saying - we're technically not in an emergency as such, i.e flood/fire/fleeing violence.

Random I've heard of CAP and almost called them last month as that was a difficult patch too. I'll be honest, i have really crippling social anxiety and get so scared and nervous speaking to 'agencies' or organisations. I got an application form yesterday, even though I'm signed off, because I'm desperate for money and it took me an hour to fill in half of the form. I had a panic attack whilst trying to do it. It made me realise I'm just not able at the moment but then I feel like a complete twat and unable to provide for DS.

Thanks overthemill, appreciate your reply. I'm trying to keep a bit by, there's just never enough! I'll def go to the CAB tomorrow if I can, going to ask my mum to come with me.

OP’s posts: |
blibblobblub Fri 11-Sep-15 00:16:10

Get in touch with StepChange for some debt advice - you can do it online or by phone.

I would say your first step re debts needs to be getting a new bank account opened up. While you're still banking with Lloyds, they're in control. Open a new, basic account away from anyone you have debts with, no overdraft facility or anything, just somewhere to get your money in and out and have direct debits set up from.

Yes, it might mean that your Lloyds overdraft gets bigger, but it means that when you next get paid you have a choice on how much of it gets paid to the bank charges. You can make sure you prioritise money for food and bills before thinking about your debts. Keeping you and your DS fed and warm is the main priority.

(It sounds a drastic thing to do I know, but it's the first thing StepChange will tell you to do.)

Charlesroi Fri 11-Sep-15 03:02:22

I agree. Get a basic bank account - Co-op are good

When you've got it and your benefits are all going in to it contact Stepchange or CAP. They can help you deal with creditors and your Lloyds overdraft can be treated as just another debt, hopefully freezing interest and charges while you repay at a rate you can afford.
I believe the big banks have a "Gentlemen's agreement" not to take penalties/charges out of benefit money, so complain if they do.

Some food banks need you to be referred by someone like a doctor, church or the CAB, so if you are picking up another fit note then ask the docs for a referral. It'll help save a few quid and you can use the money saved to get back in credit with the gas and leccy.

I hope things improve for you really soon.

RandomMess Fri 11-Sep-15 14:14:12

I completely understand the social anxiety thing. Google you may find an email address for the initial contact for CAP - tell the you are struggling with this. They are very used to helping people are in a lot of distress so they won't find it unusual or be judgemental they just want to help flowers

BumpAndGrind Fri 11-Sep-15 14:21:05

I'm with Lloyds, they do refund or stop charges on request, but only if you haven't had any refunded or stopped within the previous 12 months.

MakeThemEatCake Fri 11-Sep-15 14:58:06

Thanks all x

I've not been able to do much at all today, had a terrible migraine since I woke up (chronic sufferer) and been very down mentally.

I managed to take my medical cert to jobcentre with the help of my mum, and I emailed CAP. Also tried citizens advice but it was constantly engaged.

I'm very upset, I feel sick and got a churning feeling in my stomach, hard to explain.

Thanks for the info about bank accounts, will open a Co-op one on Monday. Also Bumpandgrind thanks, yeah i don't think they'll do it again as I had some refunded about 6 months ago.

OP’s posts: |
overthemill Fri 11-Sep-15 15:10:57

I hope you feel better soon. Do you have money for medicine for your headache? That was always the thing that got me when I was really broke. And I know you try to keep something by 'in case' and I bet it gets eaten into. Tesco value pasta sauce is about 45p ( well was when I was reliant on it) and their value cheapest bag of pasta is 59p. That and the very discounted about to go out of date meat kept my family going for a long time! Plus the value grated cheese and brown bread! Happy days. I hope it gets better for you soon.

RandomMess Fri 11-Sep-15 15:55:51

Well done for achieving that with a migraine, they are bl**dy hideous more flowers

lionspaw Fri 11-Sep-15 16:04:15

If you're struggling to afford medicines you should be able to use the Pharmacy First scheme to get free OTC meds. I think you're eligible if you get free prescriptions.

You can't get crisis loans any more but you can get budgeting loans - I have got one for £800 recently and there is not much querying over what you need to spend it on (just have to tick some boxes). It takes a couple of weeks to come through so not for immediate emergencies but can help with big expenses or just to help with budgeting without having to pay for expensive loans.

You should apply for PIP as you have severe anxiety. It's not easy to get but I have got it for MH problems and it has made a big difference to my income. Get help from MIND or CAB, or ask if your CMHT has a benefits advisor - mine has a specialist worker come in from CAB and it's easier to make an appointment with her through them.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore Fri 11-Sep-15 16:14:36

I volunteer at my local independent food bank. We do emergency 48 hour parcels if you don't have a referral. We also have a CAB worker there for one session a week. We even accept GP referrals, as well as school, hospital, sure start, CAB etc.

Google to find your nearest one. They all offer different services, and are open for different times. Apparently some also do a delivery service!

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in