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upset at missing hen nights

(17 Posts)
msrantsalot Mon 09-Jul-12 23:27:41

2 of my good friends are getting married this Autumn and Ive had to pull out of both of their hen weekends due to being so damn skint I feel like crying as BFF was here today getting all excited about them, I tried to be excited for her but was so hard. Both weekends sound like they are going to be amazing but there is just no way I could afford it. Im so fed up of being so fecking skint sad

racingheart Mon 09-Jul-12 23:52:38

Grrr. I get really hacked off when I hear that hen nights are so extravagant people can't join them. It should be about the friendships, not endless hotels and spa days miles from anywhere.

Can you ask your friend to also have a more trad low key hen night at a local bar, so you can celebrate with her, put a silly hat on her and have some fun without it breaking the bank? Bet lots of other people would be happy to go to the cheaper version too.

LulaPalooza Mon 09-Jul-12 23:56:21

Wot racingheart said.

A good friend of mine got married last year and her DSis organised such a fab hen do. There were different activities all day so people could do various bits, and anyone who was skint could just choose which bits to do. It was so well done and so subtly organised that no one had to feel bad.

ALL hen dos should be like that. Affordable for everyone, somehow.

QuintessentialShadows Tue 10-Jul-12 00:01:36

Think about it this way:

Some people have never ever been to a hen night.
Some people have not ever received as much as ONE invite to a hen.
Some people dont know people who have ever organized, or had a hen party.

So really, you are lucky.

So, truly, you are luckier than I am. Feel happy and blessed that you have friends who want you at a hen.

And smile sweetly to yourself that you dont have to pay for that sort of stuff, which really is pointless and silly in the extreme.

msrantsalot Tue 10-Jul-12 00:13:08

Thanks, these were organised well in advance so folk could save up but I just haven't had any spare money to save. I guess I am very lucky to be invited, its just that its so depressing knowing I cant afford it. I'll be lucky to even afford an outfit for the weddings at this rate...

QuintessentialShadows Tue 10-Jul-12 00:20:44

I know what you mean.

I dont think we will be able to afford ds2s violin lessons next year.

<the tiniest violin in the world playing mournfully in the background>

Along with most of after school activities. <sigh>

msrantsalot Tue 10-Jul-12 00:31:05

I am self employed and just not making any money at the moment, even took on a p/t job making paninis at a local cafe when DD is at Ex's one day a fortnight. The worst part is that I could be making good money, I am well qualified but I have no childcare so I have to work from charges are absolutely killing me and they wont extend my loan so I can pay off my overdraft, I'm a SP and I have no me time really, feeling very sorry for myself right now sad

QuintessentialShadows Tue 10-Jul-12 00:32:45

Why dont you have childcare?

Can you use a registered childminder? The child care element of the tax credits would surely help?

msrantsalot Tue 10-Jul-12 00:41:14

LOL I don't have any child care because I live in a very rural area, when they shut down the out of school club I had no option, I became I child minder! And I am the only one in the village, I thought I would be booked solid! I put all my money into getting the house ready, fences in the garden, toys, insurance, registration costs, and although I have a psychology degree I still needed more training, I'm doing an SVQ in childcare @£100 per month for a year, first aid was £136, and basic food hygiene was £76. Start up costs were about 2k, which I now have an overdraft for. But I only have 3 families on my books, all p/t and they usually all book different days which mean I am getting £3.50 per hour and I can't get rid of my overdraft. I'm a year down the line now, and am hopeful s I have another family starting in the autumn but its been so hard this year.

QuintessentialShadows Tue 10-Jul-12 08:05:48

Oh dear! I feel for you!
Fingers crossed it will pick up soon!

(speaking of putting my foot in it with just "the right" question.... )

Good luck! grin

racingheart Thu 12-Jul-12 18:22:40

Msrant - can you put your rates up? Seriously, round here, people charge at least double that. £5 per child, per hour is not unreasonable at all. You could charge more for younger children and less for older ones, too, perhaps (if that's allowed.)

Trioofprinces Mon 16-Jul-12 23:26:53

Racingheart - she probably can't raise her prices, round here cms charge £3.25 per child with the out of school club charging £3.40 ish.

msrantsalot Tue 17-Jul-12 20:10:12

Its the going rate for my postcode

milk Thu 19-Jul-12 13:01:04

What is it with extravagant hen parties?

For mine we:

- went to the cinema to see SATC2 (I paid for everyone's cinema tickets)
- went out to dinner (cost each person around £10)
- went to a bar for cosmos smile (each person paid for their own drinks)

It was all local so no travel costs smile

dxg82 Thu 20-Sep-12 08:12:43

I've been invited to a few really expensive hen dos ...... What people don't seem to appreciate is that when you are my age you can have several hen dos and weddings to attend each year so you can't afford to pay for all the hen does, wedding pressies, outfits, travel and accommodation etc! It eats up all my spare cash which means I can't afford to do holidays and things I actually want to do! I went to a hen earlier this year which involved a weekend away and ended up costing about £500 all in - and I didn't particularly enjoy myself either! This was the final straw for me and I've now decided to give hens a miss unless (1) it's one of my 5 closest Friends; or (2) it's cheap and cheerful. Also if people insist of having really extravagant hens that cost me lots I spend less on their wedding and birthday pressies to compensate!
One of the best hens I have been on involved attending an exhibition which was free, having champagne reception at a room in the exhibition centre which they let us use free of charge with party games and then we went for dinner so people could choose what to eat and how much to drink and people paid for what they had rather than splitting the bill. It was good fun and cost next to nothing. There was none of this ''everyone's got to put £100 in a kitty' nonsense.

What's most important is having Your friends there and if they have decent imaginations / sense of humour you can create your own fun without needing to spend ££££££

popsicle1984 Sun 23-Sep-12 09:19:16

A friend of mine is getting married abroad next year so she said she'd have a cheap hen do... ended up being a one day/night which was gonna cost £250 so had to say no! It does get a bit ridiculous!

Ooh I'm gonna start a thread for cheap/DIY hen night ideas sometime today I think!

popsicle1984 Sun 23-Sep-12 09:20:26

Yes dxg82, I'm convinced (convinced not deluded!) that my hen do will be better than a lot of expensive ones because I'm putting some time/effort/imagination into it!

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