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I can't take this anymore

(540 Posts)
anonymous229 Sat 21-Nov-20 16:56:22

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

OP’s posts: |
wildbarnet Sat 21-Nov-20 17:03:50

Please don't give up I was the same but nothing last forever !!! All pandemics end
Stay strong

Northernsoullover Sat 21-Nov-20 17:04:44

Speak to your GP. They might be able to help. Its around 3-4% fatality rate though. I'm utterly miserable with it too. I totally get why we can't mix unchecked though.

RiaRoth Sat 21-Nov-20 17:05:28

What would make you feel better?

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sat 21-Nov-20 17:08:05

Fucking awful OP- you moan away, i’m sick of the “nothing worse than death” lobby.

Chottie Sat 21-Nov-20 17:09:27

OP - I hear you......... flowers

FirstTimeHome Sat 21-Nov-20 17:12:17

Same here, had a walk into shopping centre before and it was so depressing - no where open, no one around. I'm not sure I want to live like this anymore sad

anonymous229 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:12:48

What would make you feel better?

For this to be OVER. I'm sick of wearing facemasks, I hate them, they're fucking awful. I'm sick of queuing outside shops just to buy a few little bits. I'm sick of not being able to sit down anywhere warm indoors when I'm out to feed my baby. I'm sick of not being able to GO anywhere except the local park, where I've been thousands of times already. I'm sick of social distancing and not being able to hug my family and friends or have them round to the house. I'm sick of seeing everything I've worked for just disappear before my eyes. I'm sick of having doctor's appointments over Zoom. I'm sick of Zoom in general, I can't stand it. There's more but I won't bore you!

OP’s posts: |
TheGreatWave Sat 21-Nov-20 17:15:21

Me too, I'm just fed up of it all. It is currently just a state of nothingness, whilst little carrots, that taste of sprouts , are dangled just out of reach.

EyelinerRocks Sat 21-Nov-20 17:15:59

I’m sick of it all too.
Winter lockdown is shit.
Trying to entertain 3 DC of different ages whilst stuck in a small house in the pissing rain.

No family support as nobody allowed in anybody’s house
I’m just here slowly losing it.

anonymous229 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:16:12

I gave birth earlier this year and it was dreadful - I was in a terrible state after the birth and DH was forced to leave. I practically had a breakdown in hospital because I was feeling so vulnerable and couldn't cope on my own. I had a bit of counselling but am still traumatised by the experience and having flashbacks. But like I say, I'm just collateral.

OP’s posts: |
anonymous229 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:18:15

Winter lockdown is shit.

The first lockdown was bearable because at least it was warm and you could sit outdoors. But now it's winter and I don't want to sit outside for ages in the cold with a small baby. I feel so trapped and like there's never going to be an end.

OP’s posts: |
anonymous229 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:20:54

I just want this utter nightmare to be over.

OP’s posts: |
bumblenbean Sat 21-Nov-20 17:23:33

This is a totally valid feeling OP and I fully agree.

Yes, someone will always have it worse, but we’re all allowed to say we’re struggling with this shit. I am able to appreciate that I’m more fortunate than some whilst also being desperate for this limbo to end.

I’m ‘lucky’ in that I can WFH and have a pretty secure job, but I am so over the whole thing (who isn’t!). It is so bloody tedious, depressing and relentless and trying to entertain 2 toddlers without being able to go anywhere or meet indoors is shite. I also have anxiety and ocd and they’re both having a field day (or year) with covid.

I’m afraid I don’t have the answer but at least the vaccine is looking tentatively positive...

RaininSummer Sat 21-Nov-20 17:25:33

Hang in there. Winter has made it heaps tougher to keep a smile and positive attitude going but this will pass.

DianaT1969 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:26:04

Could some of this be because you are with a small baby 24/7? You were going to be on maternity leave for some of this time anyway, which isn't a great time to get out and do things.
I'm bored of the local park too, but try to get out for a cycle or a walk and a take away coffee most days. Do you have friends who will meet you for a walk?

divafever99 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:26:47

I really feel for women who have given birth this year, it must be so difficult looking after a small baby under the restrictions without support from family/friends.
This lockdown feels like it's been going forever, and it's only been just over 2 weeks. We live in Greater Manchester so it's felt like we've never come out of lockdown.
I'm very grateful I am well and can work from home, but it's al getting too much now. Found out today dd has to isolate for 2 weeks, so that's another round of home schooling a 5 year old whilst trying to work. Sorry nothing to helpful to add op, but you are not on your own thanks.

anonymous229 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:26:50

Hang in there. Winter has made it heaps tougher to keep a smile and positive attitude going but this will pass.

I'm not sure it will - I honestly can't see life getting back to normal. My job is utterly screwed. I just want to cry myself to sleep.

OP’s posts: |
burntpinky Sat 21-Nov-20 17:29:19

A friend once said to me, if you’ve lost a leg, you don’t think, oh it could be worse, I could’ve lost 2 legs like him over there. So I don’t think it’s inappropriate to be fed up of your situation even though others have it worse.

anonymous229 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:29:44

You were going to be on maternity leave for some of this time anyway, which isn't a great time to get out and do things.

I just feel so trapped though. I want to do things indoors, like sit in a cafe with my baby and some friends, or the pub, or go to museums or galleries. Not just pound the same old pavements and go to the fucking park. Again.

OP’s posts: |
christinarossetti19 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:30:35

Is today particularly bad OP, or do you feel like this most of the time?

If the latter, it might be an idea to speak with your GP/health visitor re post natal illness. Sorry, I know that you don't want another Zoom apt....

But you do sound very low. Do you have a partner, do they know how you're feeling?

Bluepolkadots42 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:31:14

It is shit- incredibly shit- whether you get ill or not, whether you lose a job or not, the whole thing is a shitshow. flowers OP- things will eventually get better and this too shall pass- I don't blame you for feeling like this at all. I think many of us have had days or even weeks like this. If you have felt like this for a while though and if its impacting your ability to fuNction day to day please see your GP.

tortoiseshell1985 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:32:03

anonymous229

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

Are you me OP?
Im completely beaten
Came off antidepressants 18 month ago will have to go back in them...except I can't get a gp appt
Went through redundancy consultation, kept my job but its turning out to be mixed blessings

MaxNormal Sat 21-Nov-20 17:33:08

Its around 3-4% fatality rate though.

It's nothing like as high fortunately. IFR is between around 0.5 and 1%. Obviously that varies dramatically across age groups.

anonymous229 Sat 21-Nov-20 17:33:28

If the latter, it might be an idea to speak with your GP/health visitor re post natal illness. Sorry, I know that you don't want another Zoom apt....

My GP and HV are both really unapproachable, I don't feel comfortable speaking to them about depression or anything like that. I have to psyche myself up to ring the GP about physical things because she's so dismissive!

DH knows how I'm feeling but he's very stressed too - we're both worrying about income and having to sell our home. Because we're both stressed we've been rowing and not treating each other well. It's just a nightmare all round at the moment.

OP’s posts: |

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