AIBU? Can someone help me please.

(15 Posts)
TeenyTinyToe Mon 16-Nov-20 23:40:47

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AIBU?1
Today 23:25TeenyTinyToe

My DSD has been told to isolate due to a positive case in her school. She is at her mum's house at the moment.

I am currently pregnant and due shortly so I am obviously concerned. DH has agreed that even outside of the rules, it's important that we are careful with me.

However, he's said tonight that if DSD has a test that comes back negative, he is going to have her round as normal because that changes things and he doesn't care about the rules, he's not not seeing her if she's negative.

I think he's being stupid. As I understand it, even if you test negative, you are still required to isolate for the required time in case symptoms later appear. Just because you have a negative test on day 2 of isolation, doesn't mean you wouldn't get a positive one a few days later.

I'm not comfortable with this. I know he wants to see his child. But I also want to protect myself.

I know that DH and his ex won't care about the official rules if the test is negative though and contact will be expected to resume as normal as soon as a negative test comes back.

What do I do? Just let it happen? Or try and put my foot down? I don't want to seem like I'm trying to keep DSD away but at the same time I'm scared of the possibility of contracting this when I'm so heavily pregnant.

I feel like I'm being given no say in my own home and about my own wellbeing/babies wellbeing.

OP’s posts: |
TeenyTinyToe Mon 16-Nov-20 23:41:34

Sorry copied and pasted here as thought was probably better area for it.

OP’s posts: |
Augustbreeze Mon 16-Nov-20 23:53:11

Your understanding is absolutely right. Even if she tests negative, even if you weren't pregnant, she has to stay at her mum's.

The government has recently published more clarification for separated families:

2.2 Children who are self-isolating (England)

Under The Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) (Self-Isolation) (England) Regulations 2020, as amended, which came into force on 28 September 2020, if an adult is notified (other than via the NHS Covid-19 smartphone app) that their child has had close contact with somebody who has tested positive for coronavirus, the adult must “secure, so far as reasonably practicable, that the child self-isolates” for fourteen days.

A person subject to the self-isolation requirement must not leave their home except for a list of reasons specified in paragraph 2(3) of the regulations – e.g. where it is necessary to seek medical assistance. Visiting a parent whom a child was not living with at the time they were notified of the requirement to self-isolate is not specifically listed as a reason why a child self-isolating may leave the house.

Further information is provided in guidance published by Public Health England for contacts of people with confirmed coronavirus infection who do not live with the person.4

AntiHop Mon 16-Nov-20 23:57:49

You are right, he is wrong. A negative test when taken with no symptoms could be a false negative. There is no good reason to put a heavily pregnant woman at risk, and by extension, the medical professionals who will be involved in your birth. Put your foot down.

PlantDoctor Tue 17-Nov-20 01:27:30

You are right. If she takes a test too early, before the virus builds in her body, it would be a false negative. Your DH needs to protect you and the baby. He can see DSD in a couple of weeks when it's safe.

Inkpaperstars Tue 17-Nov-20 04:15:14

You are correct. You can have a negative test and be infectious an hour later. That is why the rules are what they are. You really are going to have to put your foot down here, and I am sorry you have to because they should all be making it easy for you.

It is not only a risk to you, but if you did contract it you would be a risk to staff and other patients including pregnant women and new babies if you have to go into hospital while infectious, which is not unlikely...if you are due soon it could be anytime.

Good luck with it, but stand your ground. This is important.

Hercwasonaroll Tue 17-Nov-20 04:48:04

If she was your older child, she'd be at yours and there would be nothing you can do.

Isolating kids are permitted to visit parents for contact. Read further into the guidance.

At 15 she may be incredibly understanding and not want to risk it either.

Your dh is wrong about the test.

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TeenyTinyToe Tue 17-Nov-20 05:35:17

Isolating kids are permitted to visit parents for contact

Where does it say this? Everything I've read is the complete opposite of this.

OP’s posts: |
CupoTeap Tue 17-Nov-20 05:39:43

A positive are in her school - for me it would depend on who the case was. A kid in another class who she never speaks too is not the same as the one she sits next too in every lesson.

TeenyTinyToe Tue 17-Nov-20 05:40:48

Access and children who are self-Isolating (England)
If an adult is notified (other than via the NHS Covi-19 smartphone app) that their child has had close contact with somebody who has tested positive for coronavirus, the adult must “secure, so far as reasonably practicable, that the child self-isolates” for 14 days

Visiting a parent whom a child does not usually live with is not listed as a reason why a person self-isolating may leave the house

OP’s posts: |
TeenyTinyToe Tue 17-Nov-20 05:41:14

CupoTeap

A positive are in her school - for me it would depend on who the case was. A kid in another class who she never speaks too is not the same as the one she sits next too in every lesson.

It's in her class unfortunately

OP’s posts: |
welliesarefuntowear Tue 17-Nov-20 05:47:06

You are right. I had this very conversation at the surgery where I work with one of the GPs so I could understand better.

CovidPostingName Tue 17-Nov-20 07:23:42

The lack of intelligence in understanding the rules and most importantly the lack of care for my position, would make me seriously reconsider my view of said person. It would change things for me. Because it tells you he'll put his first family first over you and the baby.

Augustbreeze Tue 17-Nov-20 09:23:29

@Hercwasonaroll I posted the most up to date guidance? Here's a link to the full document:

https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/CBP-8901/CBP-8901.pdf

I don't think the rules were clear for separated families before this was published.

DumplingsAndStew Tue 17-Nov-20 11:31:55

Has she got symptoms? If not, why would she get tested?

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