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The loneliness is really creeping up

(40 Posts)
Crushrush82 Thu 29-Oct-20 15:35:02

Not in a depressed way. I just feel covid ruined the start of a positive change for me.

My daughter was in reception. Spring was beginning. I was really looking forward to our first summer of mingling. I was just getting to know a couple of school mums. I also wanted my toddler to mix with one of the school mums toddlers.

Half term hasn't been horrible but it hasn't been much fun. I've done painting and stuff with my daughter. We've had walks and stuff. But we've literally seen nobody. Partly the weather. Partly because we can't really mingle. Partly money.

Sometimes I sit here and think omg I've not sat and spoke to another adult in weeks. Only on the phone. Even on the school run we can't chat. We have to wear masks and queue. So all the nice chitchat has been removed.

I always find it a little miserable at this time of the year. Everything is closing up. You can't hang out the washing or sit in the garden after tea. It massively helped just being able to talk across to neighbours and things in the warmer months. I would take a cup of tea in the front garden with the kids so we could speak to anyone who randomly wanted a talk. I literally don't know what my life has become.

Just wondered if anyone else is feeling abit lonely?

Either that or I just don't have friends.

OP’s posts: |
emmathedilemma Thu 29-Oct-20 15:50:09

definitely! been working from home alone since March, had a few weeks when people were allowed to visit and vice-versa and now we're back into no one indoors except your "bubble" friend and hence meeting anyone else outdoors is very much at the mercy of the weather. I'm lucky that I have a relatively hardy bunch of friends who don't mind the great outdoors but I'm not envisaging a great winter sad

StarCat2020 Thu 29-Oct-20 16:36:36

I have been alone since January (lost job and other bad stuff not just COVID).

I am fucking sick of it and see no real point in anything no there is no realistic hope of getting a new job any time soon.

onedayinthefuture Thu 29-Oct-20 16:36:52

I feel for you, I'm in a similar predicament with young children and the weather will just make things worse. Are you in a Tier 2 area?

littlestpogo Thu 29-Oct-20 16:42:28

Hi OP

I know exactly what you mean. I became a single mum 2 years ago and had just started rebuilding myself a new life - this has feeling positive again. I had made a real effort to do stuff the 2 nights the kids were at their dads.

Feels like it’s all gone and I’m back to where I was - just me and the kids and then just me when they aren’t here. And it is really lonely.

It is hard and it seems like a long winter ahead. Hopefully we can all get through it.

Crushrush82 Fri 30-Oct-20 08:39:05

Hello we are still tier one but surrounded by tier 2 and 3. How about everyone else?

I just feel abit flat about everything. Like I really need company but genuinely don't know how to have any. People are working or staying out the way like me. I feel the school run mums are not an option now. I speak with one on Facebook alot but her babies been unwell etc.

It feels the awful weather's really creeped up. Mid September was beautiful weather and I was outside most of the day with my toddler. We'd go for loads of little walks and see people for a quick chat. Now nobody is outside.

Woke up to wind and drizzle again today.

It just worries you doesn't it. You think how will I ever get a life going again.

My oh has been working home since march too. It's lovely in some ways but it's abit too much of the same thing. Because nothing much is happening it feels like all we talk about is the government and coronavirus. We've explored the whole of Netflix. It's just really dull now.

I had silly goals for 2020 like everyone. I wanted to potty train my son and get him going to playgroup or nursery. But then having my daughter home meant I was so busy juggling her school work and things. I knew I needed to mix More and now I mix less than ever.

I don't see the first six months of 2021 being any different either. It feels like masks, Lockdowns, restrictions everywhere are here to stay.

OP’s posts: |
FuzzyPuffling Fri 30-Oct-20 08:47:49

Yes, very lonely here. We've been shielding ( proper medical reasons!) since March with very few outings ( especially since the tourists have been here in droves) and sadly all community support ended months ago. And people we thought were friends have evidently got fed up with our position and have stopped even messaging us.

I get very tired of the "shield the vulnerable and let's all get back to normal" trope on MN. It just means locking away and othering people "who are not us".

Orangeblossom7777 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:03:43

That is tricky with small children as can be quite a lonely time. I have noticed baby and child swimming is back on here (Tier 1) but they do ask people to stay 2m apart.

Ninetyeight Fri 30-Oct-20 09:18:53

I’m feeling this, definitely! We’re in a childcare bubble with one set of grandparents, which is lovely in the sense that at least we get to see them after a long few months apart during the initial lockdown phase... but as they are vulnerable, it has meant that we’ve pretty much cut off contact with everyone else to minimise the risk.

We’d moved to a new area and I was in my first year of retraining, so I had high hopes for 2020 but feeling pretty isolated and stuck at the moment! Agree that the weather doesn’t help - over the summer we would bump into so many neighbours and people on our walks and have a chat, now we are starting to go weeks at a time without talking to any other people...!

Callcat Fri 30-Oct-20 09:23:00

Yes to this. My DP has severe long COVID too, and finds conversation beyond short, simple chat very overwhelming and exhausting, so the loneliness feels crushing sometimes when we're in the same house but can't properly connect. I miss my mum. I miss my old life. I'm wallowing. Sorry. Just wanted to say you're not alone, it's been a really tough time.

megletthesecond Fri 30-Oct-20 09:24:01

I get this flowers. My dc's are older though so I do get to chat to the supermarket staff as I can pop in alone.

SqidgeBum Fri 30-Oct-20 09:33:47

I completely feel the same. I have a toddler and I am due a baby on Monday. I have one friend I see maybe once every 2 weeks for my DD to have a play date with but that's it. My DD does go to nursery 2 mornings a week which is good for her, but I am feeling very lonely. I have no family near me, and I know when I have this baby I will have basically no visitors. I will be lucky if my parents get to come and visit (we are tier 1 but they live abroad). Last time I had my NCT group, baby groups, just places to get out of the house to. Now I have nothing and basically nobody. I have been to tesco yesterday and that is the only place I have been to outside of my house this week. I guess I will just have to make do with going to parks alone during winter. Considering I had severe PND and psychosis on my last kid, I wont lie, I am very worried about what this winter will be like for me.

Orangeblossom7777 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:34:10

I have a friend with MS we used to meet for a walk - we have arranged to stop this for the time being but might ring instead. It feels a but like people have stopped phoning each other up as much as used to online communications / emails. But it is sometimes nice to talk

Crushrush82 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:39:21

It's really ignorant to presume vulnerable people can just stay alone and be cut off. Like being unwell is a choice in life!

As much as I love the kids and I'm not saying they are making me unhappy at all! Infact they keep me going. But they can't give me the adult interaction I need. I feel trapped in a children's world.

Yes swimming has resumed here too. But we had to cancel as my DD is a nervous level one swimmer and they won't go in the water with them now. Such a shame! Hoping to get her back into it in the spring.

It's just a viscous circle of money problems, weather, not being allowed near people.

I am considering taking the kids to a garden center this weekend just for a look around at the seasonal stuff. We've not really gone out to buildings as it feels sensible to avoid it. But I am at the stage of my poor kids have missed out enough.

This is just not how humans are designed to be. Yet I fear now they are discovering immunity won't last that it's going to be impossible to get back to normal? The people who had it in march will be able to catch it again.

Not many people I know have had it. Just two people. My cousin who works in a prison has it at the moment. His wife has caught it off him.

OP’s posts: |
Orangeblossom7777 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:45:39

My friend with MS chose not to continue with walks, etc so just trying to support her how I can. I'm not assuming anything or being ignorant.

Crushrush82 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:49:01

@SqidgeBum

Aww that is really tough isn't it. Wishing you all the best with the new baby. I remember those days. There's just u Der three years between mine.

I know exactly what you mean with the parks too. Nobody is even in them in autumn.

It's horrible being on your own so much. I definitely feel forgotten about. But I expect others feel the same.

It's getting the balance between being sensible and making sure your mental health isn't being damaged. At least summer made you feel more alive. You had the doors open. The sound of people cutting grass and listening to music helped you feel you was in a community. Now it's just silent.

@Callcat

That's so awful. I hope he's better in a few months. Did you end up with it too? It has left some people so unwell. It's just awful.

OP’s posts: |
AcornAutumn Fri 30-Oct-20 09:49:15

I thought you were allowed to mix in Tier 1? So you could ask school mums for coffee etc?

Crushrush82 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:50:15

@Orangeblossom7777

Hi that wasn't too you sorry. That was the lady above who said she feels like vunerbale people are expected to just be alone and get on with it (not those exact words)

You sound a lovely friend. X

OP’s posts: |
Crushrush82 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:51:36

@AcornAutumn

Its too complex because they have babies and toddlers and not particularly mixing.

OP’s posts: |
BogRollBOGOF Fri 30-Oct-20 09:55:22

FuzzyPuffling

Yes, very lonely here. We've been shielding ( proper medical reasons!) since March with very few outings ( especially since the tourists have been here in droves) and sadly all community support ended months ago. And people we thought were friends have evidently got fed up with our position and have stopped even messaging us.

I get very tired of the "shield the vulnerable and let's all get back to normal" trope on MN. It just means locking away and othering people "who are not us".

It might not be that they're fed up of you, just that their social balance is off-kilter too and there's little fresh input to put into conversation.

I find that I'm talked out by repetitive, unstimulating conversation with the DCs, not really doing much to generate conversation and am just to talked out to make a phone call, yet my social needs are not being filled.

Admittedly it's better since the DCs went back to school and we have some routine going, but that void is not completely filled.

FuzzyPuffling Fri 30-Oct-20 10:12:32

Well the said friends have had constant visitors and outings ( including people from abroad and from a higher tier staying) so we probably are very boring in comparison!

Not all the ECV appear I'll. My DH had blood cancer and the treatment left him with no functioning spleen, hence he was told to shield. You'd never know to look at him!

Anyway, I want to wave vigorously at all the people in the thread. Maybe we can support each other a bit? 👋👋.

Orangeblossom7777 Fri 30-Oct-20 10:12:46

It's Ok. It's hard isn't it. Friend is avoiding things like riding for the disabled even though outdoors, as they need to come close to help on the horse. I really feel for her, she is not able to walk and fiercely independant. Fingers crossed things change soon.

Crushrush82 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:58:26

I dread to think how many people are suffering right now mentally. You get weaker too don't you. I used to walk miles each day. probably 4-6 Miles on the school runs and popping to the shops etc. I suffer from low iron now anyway but I find a mile is enough now. I'm ready for a sit again. I've lost weight weirdly too. Perhaps from the lack of movement.

I would go out more now. But it's only been the last month I've started popping to the shop again. I definitely over thought masks. I miss doing things like going to a cafe for a cake with the kids. Or taking my DD to the cinema. But I just don't fancy it with the mask situation. I find everything abit confusing now and never quite sure what's expected.

So some of it I guess is self inflicted with me too. But it's hard isn't it. Especially as it's up and down. The numbers were low just before school started. Now they are shooting up. So it felt like life was on the up and then a month on it feels worse than ever.

I just hope for everyone that next summer we are on the up. It would be such a shame for children to have limited childhoods like this. My DD is still upset about her friends she can't see in the other bubble. It's just a pickle for everyone.

I think some people have gotten so used to being home, even though they are bored they can't remember what to do.

OP’s posts: |
FuzzyPuffling Fri 30-Oct-20 14:35:24

I'm so bored I don't know what to do with myself! I'd normally be outside doing lots of walking (and still going in the sea, although not this week with the huge swell and 22' waves!).

Or I'd be having coffee with friends, or going to choir practice. No one has been in our house since last February.

But...I am hopeful of a vaccine of some sort, which will help and bring the risk of death or serious symptoms down soonish. It will come. The UK may be crap at organising a covid response, but we are bloody brilliant at science. Keep the faith!

Orangeblossom7777 Fri 30-Oct-20 15:08:23

Radio can be companionable. I like 6 music

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