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Handhold please, DD has to self isolate

(21 Posts)
Beebityboo Mon 19-Oct-20 17:07:29

Anyone who recognises my username will know how terrified I was to send my DC's back to school (I'm disabled) and how much I have been struggling with it since. Well after weeks of keeping her off we were forced to send my DD to secondary last week, today we were informed she has been in close contact with a positive case and her whole year group is now self isolating (along with four other year groups so sounds like multiple cases in school)
Please talk me down, I am so scared, we have been so so careful as a family since March to limit exposure and risk. She currently has no symptoms and wasn't it on Friday so the last time she would have been around the person with Covid was Thursday.
Just after some reassurance/advice and a hand hold really. My mental health has collapsed this last fortnight and this is just a real blow. Just don't know what to do with myself. I have obviously been very calm and matter of fact about things with DD even if I'm having a bit of a meltdown internally.

OP’s posts: |
Ethelfleda Mon 19-Oct-20 17:09:10

I’m sorry to hear that op flowers
The chances are your DD won’t get it. It’s very very unlikely.

Beebityboo Mon 19-Oct-20 17:36:06

Yes I think it probably is unlikely, although it seems quite likely she was in multiple classes with the infected child. The way the letter is worded makes me wonder if it is the bus that is the issue and luckily DD gets a different one to the one mentioned.

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Redolent Mon 19-Oct-20 17:40:21

It is grotesque that you’re being forced to choice between your health and your child’s education in this way.

Fingers crossed she’s OK.

actiongirl1978 Mon 19-Oct-20 17:46:26

It's so unlikely that she will have the virus. My Dd12 is also isolating for the same reason and is stomping around looking bored as she wants to get back to school.

I am absolutely convinced that the risk of her giving us covid is tiny.

I hope you can find something to distract you a new book or something.

ssd Mon 19-Oct-20 17:49:35

flowers @Beebityboo

Please try to not worry too much.
Dh had it and whilst all self isolating in a tiny house me and ds didn't get it.

Take each day one at a time x

ShellsAndSunrises Mon 19-Oct-20 17:51:41

I’m sorry flowers

Please try not to worry too much. It won’t change what happens, and it’s very unlikely that your DD has it. My closest friend is on her sixth isolation period right now... it’s so tough.

One day at a time, and I really hope all is okay.

ResplendentAutumn Mon 19-Oct-20 17:51:44

Op you poor thing!
Please don't worry about the wording of the letter we've had three now. One for dd primary school, all 60 parents had the same letter, all had to isolate and then same for secondary.
We know the secondary one was a teacher and dd didn't think she had seen him.

So please don't worry it's ultra precaution...

Keep your house well ventilated, etc

It's such an awful situation we are in .

ResplendentAutumn Mon 19-Oct-20 17:53:09

Also I'm pretty sure I had it in march but my only symptoms were loss of smell /taste.

I didn't isolate as I had no idea back then it could be covid.
No one else came down with it.

Anniemabel Mon 19-Oct-20 17:54:36

If it makes you feel any better, my child has been isolating for 12 days now due to a case in his nursery class - as far as I’m aware neither he nor any of the others have caught it.

SummerHouse Mon 19-Oct-20 18:05:39

It's exhausting and pointless worrying about "what if's" - I wasted 5 months of my life doing it (non covid related). So I absolutely know it's easier said than done to stop worrying. BUT... your DD doesn't have covid symptoms and is likely not to have it, and even if she does, you wouldn't necessarily get it, and even if you did there's every chance you wouldn't get seriously ill (although I don't know what your disability is). That's a lot of stages between you and serious illness.

I imagine you are strong. Sadly living with a disability means you have to be strong in many different ways. You can absolutely face this head on and come through the other side proud of yourself.

I wish I could take your worry away.

Beebityboo Mon 19-Oct-20 18:11:43

Thank you all for being so kind.
I don't feel very strong at the moment. I'm utterly beside myself. We were so careful for so long but I really felt I was doing the right thing by sending her back. It was easier to just blindly hope as we had had zero cases near us, but it seems to have exploded in the last two weeks.
One of the worst things about this bloody virus is that it can take so long to develop symptoms, we won't be "out of the woods" for 14 days and even then I suppose one of my younger DC's could bring it home.
I have called my younger twos' primary and explained and they still want them to go in tomorrow, I feel so uncomfortable with it as I would never forgive myself if I was responsible for putting someone else through this worry and possibly making them ill.
It's just a nightmare. I'm so tired of being scared.

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WhatHaveIFound Mon 19-Oct-20 18:15:57

Please try not to worry too much. DH and I didn't catch Covid from our own DD and I even gave her a big hug on the morning she went for a test because she felt so rubbish. She didn't realise she had it at the time!

It's completely crap that parents are having to go through this sad

Fink Mon 19-Oct-20 18:28:48

I don't know your back story, but if it's you that's the one who needs shielding then it is possible to limit contact with your daughter while you see whether symotoms develop. We've just had one child home for 2 weeks after a case in her school (only one other child went on to develop symptoms) and we shielded my Mum from her as much as possible. It's not easy but you can take small steps like being extra careful not to share towels and the like and trying to keep 2 metres away. We even ate separately and didn't use the same bathroom or living room, but that might not be possible for you. It's should be possible for her to clean the bathroom and kitchen after she's used them, if you leave a pack of antiviral wipes. Not as good as a proper clean but probably the best you'll get from a teen.

It's very unlikely DD will have caught it, but just in case it might be worth considering what you can do to protect yourself if you're vulnerable.

Beebityboo Mon 19-Oct-20 18:59:12

I have already accepted I can't shield myself from her, our house is tiny with only one bathroom and a tiny kitchen and she is too young to be confined to her room the whole time (though I'm sure she would give it a good go as long as wifi and snacks were provided!).
Really if she gets it we all do, unless we are somehow very lucky. Hopefully she'll have escaped exposure by being off last Friday. I just wish I had never been bullied in to sending her back, she loved being home schooled and we were going to do it for a year but the school made me feel as though I would be letting her down.
I doubt she will be returning after half term. I'm just so so sad and feel very defeated iyswim, like I can't keep running from it anymore.

OP’s posts: |
starrynight19 Mon 19-Oct-20 19:02:31

Nothing else to add other than what’s been said. Hope none of you get it op , feel so sorry that you have been forced into this position though flowers

Fink Mon 19-Oct-20 19:08:23

If I were you I would still try to reduce contact as much as you can, for your own peace of mind. And it's certainly not inevitable that you'll get it if she does. PP upthread have talked about living in the same house and not all getting it, and I know a married couple sharing a bed and everything else where one got it and the other didn't.

Like I said before, I don't know your history. Homeschooling is definitely an option but it's a lot of work and not at all a decision to be rushed. It's doable if there's a homeschooling network around you, plenty of resources, and you have the time and energy to research all the legal requirements (many LAs are not at all supportive of homeschoolers) and the skills and knowledge to teach. Don't forget though that she will need plenty of socialisation opportunities with her peers if she's not meeting anyone at school, which could be no less dangerous than school itself. Homeschooling doesn't mean lockdown with no contact outside the home, particularly for a teenager. So if your primary motive for homeschooling is covid worries then it's probably not workable.

Beebityboo Mon 19-Oct-20 19:26:26

I have homeschooled before so it's not an entirely new thing to us, Covid is a factor yes but DD also has Aspergers and is finding the new environment at school hugely stressful and upsetting and would benefit far more from a calmer environment at home. It's not definite but we are certainly considering it and have been for a while.

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MJMG2015 Mon 19-Oct-20 19:40:42


(((Hug))). I was on a couple of your other threads & fully supported you allowing the two smaller ones to go back (reluctantly) and keeping your elder DD at home, where she was happy & thriving. I'm sorry the school bullied you into sending her back.

I'd definitely keep her in her room as much as possible and make sure she/you wipe down the bathroom after she's used it and she has her own hand towel as well as bath towel.

Deliver meals to her & ensure she has her own cup/glass/cutlery etc.

I'm sure with snacks & unlimited screen time she'll be happy to spend a lot of time in her room. Although her SEN might make that a bit more difficult(?)

Definitely keep the smaller ones away from her

Does she have a phone? Does she use WhatsApp etc it's realky good for 'easy chatting' while you watch the same film etc.

Keep all the rooms as well ventilated as you can.

We're all her for a chat/handhold.

& like I said to you before I'd happily keep her home where she's happy & thriving.

Beebityboo Mon 26-Oct-20 19:47:32

Thought I would give a quick update to say that DD didn't exhibit any symptoms (thank God!) and we are all currently still well.
My mental health is shot to ribbons though and I feel totally defeated. I can't keep them home, sending them will bring Covid in to our home. It's a nightmare. Why can't they just remove the bloody fines! sad.

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Porcupineinwaiting Mon 26-Oct-20 20:16:23

If you are happy to home school and she is happy to be homeschooled then you could deregister her, that is your right. You could then reapply to school at the point you want her to go back (although there is no guarentee that there would e a place, but if there isnt you could appeal).

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