Self isolation with a baby

[ibis17]

We’ve been lucky and not had to fully self isolate yet, but I am wondering how it works with a baby? I keep sane by going out and about multiple times a day with my 8 month old. She is very active, rarely naps, hates being put down and has about a 15 minute attention span. I love her to bits, but find I quickly get depressed when we have even half days in the house.

(We lived with our in-laws during the lock down earlier this year and just about coped as their house and garden is pretty huge, but couldn’t of course do this if self isolating with possible CV)

In addition, our home is tiny - more of a studio - with no outdoor space and my partner currently has severe depression and anger issues.

The thought of 14 days is something I am not sure either of us would survive.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you cope?

[ibis17]

‘Us’ being my partner and I!

[Invisimamma]

You just do it because you have to.

My 9yr old has just finished a two week isolation. He usually plays football 6 hours a week, swims and runs daily. He couldn't go anywhere or do much exercise in our tiny garden, he was like a caged animal, but you get on with it because you have to.

Create a little lockdown isolation routine. Tick the days off on the calendar, honestly if you have food and warmth and company you will be okay for 2 weeks.

[ibis17]

I appreciate your positivity, and I wouldn’t feel so daunted if I didn’t have a baby or my child was older and able to engage in activities. However, it’s the specific limitations of a baby combined with my partner’s aggression and mental health that concerns me. I think 3 people in one room for two weeks in this scenario is slightly different to the situation you describe....

[Mindymomo]

Try not to worry about it unless it happens. Do you both go to work and are you limiting socialising with others. My DH and I do not work at the moment, have food delivered and only mainly go out to walk the dog. We only see 1 member of family, who lives on his own. Our 2 adult DS are both out at work, so just hope they don’t catch it and bring it home.

[Wolfiefan]

If being stuck with your partner for two weeks puts you in danger then you have to leave.

[ibis17]

Should add that I meant I’m not sure we’d survive in a very literal way. I think there would be an act of physical violence or a suicide attempt unless we found a very inventive way to handle it.

[mydogmike]

I set up a little schedule with my toddler when we had our lock down

Pinterest has lots of good ideas!

[Wolfiefan]

So leave. If you’re not safe that’s the only answer.

[PatriciaHolm]

I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound like a suitable environment for a baby full stop.

What is your partner doing to address his issue? You can't have a person with uncontrolled violence/anger issues living with a baby.

[Babyboomtastic]

You just do it. I've done two bouts now with both a baby and a toddler, as well as lockdown with them, and it's hard but manageable. Tbh, it's a lot easier when they are tiny and don't get bored in the same way as when slightly older.

My 10mo in lockdown wasn't bored, but my 2.5 year old was. So it's only your boredom that you have to alleviate rather than everyone's!

That being said, there are much bigger problems in your situation - if you are seriously worried about being assaulted or your partner trying to commit suicide if isolating, then that's something that urgently needs resolving now.

What involvement does he have from mental health services? Obviously it's good to be supportive of someone with severe MH problems,but not at the detriment of safety to you and your baby. Is there somewhere else he/you and baby can go to be safe?

[Mylittlepony374]

You need to leave your partner. If you truly believe isolation with him for 2 weeks would lead to violence/death/suicide, you need to leave. Now.

[Breastfeedingworries]

Seems like your relationship is the issue not Covid!

His mental health is not your fault and if it’s becoming dangerous you need to leave for you baby! Think of their life you could be risking!!

Please consider carefully op, at the very start of lockdown a happily married man killed his wife.

[bethany39]

@Wolfiefan

If being stuck with your partner for two weeks puts you in danger then you have to leave.

This

[Augustbreeze]

You sound like you need advice from a domestic abuse organisation OP.

What forms does his aggression take?

[Invisimamma]

My apologies I missed the part about your dps anger issues. The baby isn't the issue here...

You need an escape plan, if things kick off where will you go and how will you keep you both safe. Have a bag with money, clothes, baby things ready to go at all times. Really this is no way to live, start planning now.

[ibis17]

Thank you. I appreciate the support. We have a social worker, a couples therapist, two GPs and my partner’s therapist (all NHS) currently helping us. My partner is also experimenting with different medications (supervised by his GP). Depression/ mental health is so nuanced, 70% of the week he is a doting father and in general he’s a very mild mannered, very academic person. He is just triggered by certain things at the moment, and isolation would be a cocktail of all of them.

At the moment our agreed strategy is my daughter and I do leave when things get bad, but in the case of isolation, this wouldn’t be possible. He and I have been together for 10 years and there are reasons underpinning his mental health, so his illness doesn’t feel like a reason to walk out. It is an illness rather than an abusive character, although I appreciate there can be a fine line between the two.

As someone above pointed out, possibly a separate issue, but how do you entertain a 8 month old inside for any length of time? I used to work full time as a nanny for children ages 18 months and up, and would feel confident coming up with ideas for this age group, but our baby isn’t even interested in tv and is quite frustrated by toys as she can’t crawl or use them effectively. At the moment we do lots of walks and visual things like the zoo, art galleries, cafes and meeting friends. One thought I’ve had is that if she and I can learn to be inside for longer periods, then if we do have to isolate, at least that’s one less issue to deal with. I hear lots of stories about people who just want to stay inside with a baby, but I’ve found that very hard from day one... this is our first and we have no friends with babies so don’t really have a template to follow.

[Wolfiefan]

It doesn’t matter what the reasons are for his behaviour. If he behaves in an acceptable manner only 70 per cent of the time then leave. It’s too late to wait until he becomes violent.
It’s not a case of necessarily splitting up forever. But if it’s not a healthy situation for you and your child right now then leave for now.

[Augustbreeze]

You've always been allowed to break isolation for safety reasons OP. I'd discuss that now with the professionals involved, ie what would constitute a safety issue.

Especially with an 8 month old.

[Mylittlepony374]

If he's a doting father 70% of the time but 'triggered' by things then logically that would suggest that 30% of the time you are unsafe. That's a big risk to take for you and your little one.

I think you're focused on the wrong thing worrying about entertaining baby. At 8 months a pot and a spoon to bang together will do that.

You need to be thinking about ensuring you and your baby are safe.

[Yetiyoga]

Please leave. You aren't safe. Do the right thing for you and for your baby.

[StarCat2020]

This sounds like an awful situation to be in and I am sorry that you are in it.

Repeating what another poster said, the reasons for your DP's mental health issues are irrelevant. If you are unsafe, you are unsafe.

[Cloudburstagain]

Sounds like he needs to move out so you can isolate safely. Being able to pop out everyday in self isolation is not allowed but fleeing danger is.