Feel more negative now than when Lockdown was happening..

[puzzleboxes]

Is anyone else feeling this way? I know what I’m feeling is pretty ‘first world problems’ and selfish, especially considering all those who lost their lives or lost their loved ones. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and that others have it much worse.

But this just feels never-ending now, and I’m struggling to feel positive about a lot. All the nice things and little joys in life seem to have been taken away. My parents have to shield and I’m struggling with the lack of contact there (we’re all very close and previously i visited frequently, went out with my mum a lot) I can do a distanced garden visit but winter is drawing in now. Kids back at school for 3 days, little one just about getting used to reception, when eldest gets a cough/sore throat. Struggled to get test, finally got one for today so another day or two stuck at home. Dreading at how often this will happen or if school will close again.

Everything was on hold for summer and we cancelled a holiday, a trip away and couldn’t do a lot of our other plans. But now it seems all the autumn/winter things will be cancelled too- no Halloween, school assemblies or Christmas nativity play, visiting Santa or Christmas family gathering or New Year’s Eve parties. Then we are into 2021 and a year on from the start of the pandemic, with it all still hanging over us.

In lockdown everyone spoke of ‘when this is all over’ but it beginning to see it’s not that straightforward. Autumns beginning and they’ve just announced fines for more than 6 people gathering, events are still being cancelled everywhere, we have to wear masks and socially distant.

I don’t know the point of this, just needed a little vent.

[1990shopefulftm]

Yes, I feel more negative than at the start, I was 9 weeks pregnant when lockdown started and I thought everyone would stick to the guidelines and then there'd be a chance that perhaps even if most of my pregnancy wouldn't be how I imagined that the hospital rules could be back to normal but I've seven weeks to go and if anything as I'm in a local lockdown area it's possible it could be even worse then.

I try to focus on that all I can do is take as little risks as possible then at least perhaps we can have our family and friends meet our son after not seeing them for so long but it's difficult to stay hopeful.

[whirlwindwallaby]

Yes. My grandmother still isn't going out and now won't even be able to have bookclub in her garden.

[Mrsjayy]

Thing is the virus hasn't gone away and I think we have to re think restrictions as a health issue yes it sucks but we are going to have highs and lows for a while yet.

[BrowncoatWaffles]

This week feels more bleak than anything else. It’s just so relentless :/

[MaxNormal]

Yes it's absolutely soul-destroying. It's completely fucked us and continues to do so and there's no end date as to when the fucking will stop.

[puzzleboxes]

Soul-destroying is definitely right :(

I didn’t have the best couple of years prior to this all happening, then situations changed and everything was looking really good and positive and I was ready to start enjoying life so it’s all made it a bit ‘meh’ now.

I hate the ‘new normal’. We took the kids to a children’s theme park in the summer to try and give them a treat. A lot of things shut, queues took 3 times as long as only half capacity allowed on rides then a few minutes waiting whilst it was re-sterilised every time. Paid full price for a substandard experience and it just feels like this is the way everything else is. Nothing is straightforward anymore.

Keep thinking back to last Xmas and NYE and feel sad at how it will be this year.

[emmathedilemma]

Yep, I hear you! It feels like I've waiting all this time for the things I enjoy doing to come back (gym, running club, even the office reopening), and now as it's about to happen it might all be in jeopardy. I can't visit immediate family as they're in local lockdown areas and it's too far to go there and back in a day to meet them outdoors. Everything is going to feel so much worse once the turns and it gets dark earlier too :(

[SeekingCoffee33]

Yes. I thought it might be coming but last nights announcement drove the point home for me

[Ilikewinter]

Yes i agree, have worked throughout and was dealing with the 'new normal' and i also live in a red area. This week has hit me like a sledge hammer, the weather has been rainy, miserable and dark, work is still very quiet and im going through a redundancy process. We've cancelled 2 holidays this year and I love to travel, we're going to the South coast next week, thankfully the weather looks good, but we will have to book everything, i dont bloody want to, i want the spontaneity of waking up each morning and doing what we fancy. I just want to see my family, wherever we decide, book my long haul holiday and not wear a bloody face mask on the beach 😥

[puzzleboxes]

@Ilikewinter

Yes the booking everything is annoying. We can’t just think ‘oh it’s a rainy Saturday today let’s just head for a soft play and let the kids run off steam there’ it’s all pre-booking a set time-slot days beforehand and having to get there at that time and only stay for the duration of your slot. Even the nt playgrounds need to be booked.

[MiniTheMinx]

I've just been signed off work due to depression and anxiety. Never felt like this before. To what extent it is due to Covid anxiety I can't say. I've had a lifetimes stress in a year. Demented and abusive father, bullying at work, leaving my job because of harassment, starting a new job that brings me into close contact with not just vulnerable individuals, but also those with the virus or recovered from it.

There was a point at the start when lockdown was introduced that I had nearly 10 weeks at home with my DC. At that point I made the most of having time to myself, lots of long walks in the countryside, lots of good home cooking, and reading, and I didn't feel I was missing anything.

But now I'm just exhausted with hours of mask wearing at work, wondering why my employer doesn't organise work so we are safer. I'm bored of waiting outside shops only to find shelves not restocked and I've wasted my time. I'm never likely to see my father again. I have seen 2 friends and had a few days out but what was a weekly occurrence has dwindled to just two days out. My husband and I went to the pub but it just felt odd, and whilst I'm not usually the life and soul of the party I still felt the guidance made a social situation feel isolating. I probably won't bother again.

Then there is the incompetence of our leaders. This complete shambles of a government. The incoherent messaging which has created confusion and judgment. I have never been so lost at an intellectual level before either. I've always sought out knowledge. I would usually have an opinion. I don't. I swing from 'fuck it the virus is like others before, let's get back to normal' to 'my employer will get me killed with their inept management of risk'

There doesn't seem to be any end point in sight where life could go back to normal.

And my DC, A'level results stress and the youngest is sitting his GCSEs this year. I can't even articulate how I feel but I'm scared for their future.

[Whirlwind14]

I feel the same...

This is the start of Christmas pretty much being cancelled- it will be all full lockdown by then....

[greengreengrass14]

Yes, would say it is really tough. I've got one in GCSE year too.

I try to remain calm and focus on staying organised. Just in case anyone gets ill.

Kind of start the day feeling as if it is wading through treacle and work my way down my list. Later in day things improve a bit.

Not as bad here as in March, but still pretty tough.

[MrsKypp]

I agree. At first, we had the energy and motivation to keep going, but after months and months of it you get rather despondent.

So depressing we've got such a horrible, corrupt, dishonest and crap government, just when we truly needed the opposite.

[FrankSkinnerFan2020]

Yes me too.
I’m a cleaner & have worked throughout & I've noticed how my customers moods have changed.
Full lockdown everyone was very low & morose
When lockdown easing happened their moods lifted as well
In the last 2 weeks I’ve seen a swing back again - they are niggling with each other, complaining about working from home & just a general dark cloud has returned.

I’m feeling very low myself. I think it’s the not knowing how long we have to wear masks, how long the group of 6 thing - we’ve been given no information as to what point we need to get to to lift these restrictions.
How can we plan for Christmas?

[bibbitybobbitycats]

It's crap OP. I don't even feel like going out much as it seems as if the joy has been sucked out of everything, there is no spontaneity and it’s just such a faff to do anything. I am bloody dreading winter.

[bibbitybobbitycats]

I also agree with pps that if we had a strong, capable government which commanded the confidence of the people, things might feel a little better.

[stayathomer]

You're not being selfish at all and yes totally feel the same I think it's that we kind of made ourselves push on through the days in lockdown but now we're all on edge, people are more tired and angry, there's just a horrible worried vibe out there. As for Halloween and Christmas, we're decorating the house, kids and adults are dressing up and we're going to play games and get loads of sweets in. For Christmas we've made a list of the must haves (celebrations, tin of biscuits, fizzy drinks and at least one toy each child will be beyond excited for to get before the others in case toy shops close or something crazy happens) Huge huge hugs OP, hope something lovely happens for you soon

[Peachypips78]

I totally get it. We have had a similar experience.

However- I think for me the best way to cope is to find new joys in this new way of life- fire pits with the family, virtual book groups, beautiful walks etc. We can't change the situation but we can make the best of it by finding new things that make life worth living.

[Magentastorm101]

I have to agree.

I'm also currently pregnant due in 5 weeks and at the start I was thinking well at least this will all be over by the time baby comes.

Hubby hasn't been to one scan, or heard her heartbeat.

Dreading the coughs that kids always get starting this time of year.

My friends had organised a baby shower for my birthday weekend on 20th which obviously now has had to be cancelled as well, I was looking forward to it so much.

Plus I work as a children's entertainer so have been out of work for months. Halloween and Christmas are our biggest money making times and often sees is through the quieter winter months but that's all gone now as well.

I know there are people worse off than me but I am feeling really fed up and sorry for myself right now.

[Jaxhog]

I know what you mean. But I tend to forget just how stressed and panicked I was initially with basic stuff like how would I get food. It isn't that bad now, although somehow it feels worse because winter is approaching. I also had to shield for 5 months and was just starting to go out again. The prospect of having to shield again is really quite depressing.

[MaxNormal]

@puzzleboxes similar situation to you. Had a truly horrible couple of years, and this year we were going to undertake a massive life change and achieve a big dream and now that hasn't happened, and due to things changing at the end of the year (Brexit) it won't be able to happen now.
And we can't even really do a lot of the stuff that has opened up as we're so financially constrained now so there's not much distraction.

[puzzleboxes]

One of the things I am pleased about is being able to get a supermarket online delivery slot again, really hope that doesn’t change again. 😬

[CremeEggThief]

I think the stop/start nature of potential and actual small/local lockdowns is as hard, as we're going to be living in a state of uncertainty and can't really settle, get into a routine or make longer term plans. In general, humans don't cope with change that well, so I think this is what makes it as hard.

Anyway, just my ramblings. YANBU.

[The80sweregreat]

I Feel the same with ' COVID ' blues this week , but the climate change news on bbc news today has made me feel even worse. I knew it was bad , but it's now being put across in more lay man terms I think and it is scary what is happening.
I've tried to stay positive through out but it's not easy. I have had a few family members die in the last few years and one during lockdown and I feel this is just starting to hit me a bit as the nights draw in and the news seems bleaker with the world in general.
I feel for all of you with younger children. (Mine are in their twenties but I still feel sad for them , but it must be hard when they are at school and it's so uncertain with the rules and if they were to close again or whatever)
It's been a tough year so far.