Had enough of just about all of my friends

[SofaSurfette]

It seems like pretty much every single person I know is behaving as though this virus doesn't exist anymore. Social media is full of photos of my friends hugging and even kissing. They're having baby showers with everyone's hands on the mum-to-be's bump, and handing new babies around like pass-the-parcel. (A lot of people I know have had babies this year!)

I have only been outside for fresh air since March because I have an extremely vulnerable person in my house and I just don't want them to get it, regardless of what we are allowed to do. However at the weekend I made an exception because it was my best friend's special birthday and she so badly wanted me to go for a "socially distanced drink in the garden". She knows how careful I've been. No word of a lie, I turned up to a house full of people crammed in like sardines. Loud music, people shouting, basically a house party. I dropped off her present and left.

I just really needed to get this off my chest because I feel like I've lost patience now with all these idiots. I'm sure the new rules won't make a shred of difference to the people I know, because they simply don't care. I just don't like my friends anymore, I never realised how bloody selfish they really were.

[SofaSurfette]

By the way, I live in an "area of concern" with several times the national average cases!!

[Onlyonewayout]

I share your frustration. One of our neighbours was so angry back in April about how people were behaving. She worked on a covid Ward. She came out of the NHS two months and is constantly mixing. Nights out, holidays with family members, baby showers. It feels hugely hypocritical.

It feels like people have just gone back to normal and forgotten all about social distancing.

[monkeytennis97]

I totally understand how you feel. Differing opinions about COVID have caused lots of stress between my parents and I. They literally think the virus has lost its potency and everything is back to before. Also as a teacher I feel the same going into work- colleagues laughing and joking with no SD or mitigations, so many treating it as 'back to normal'. Fortunately my DH agrees with me. I totally understand it's hard.

[PersonaNonGarter]

I can see why you feel as you do but I think you are over focussing. People have to live their lives proportionate to the risk. You live with someone vulnerable so your risk is high. Not everybody else is, but they may have high mental health worries and need to connect with people or feel normal as far as possible.

Cut everyone some slack even if they aren’t SD perfectly. You don’t want to end up isolated and angry, even if you are in the right.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

It’s so hard because I also know lots of people who aren’t adhering to social distancing...

My friend had a baby shower at her house last weekend and there were easily 15 people there. She said that most of them were her colleagues that she works with everyday anyway (nurse) so what did it matter?

My cousin had a party and sleepover in her house for her 16th birthday and there were easily 15 girls there. The mum said that they’re altogether at school anyway so what difference will it make?

My FIL used to provide childcare for us one day a week in terms of taking my eldest to school and and picking him up again. When lock down first started he shielded as he has heart problems so when schools re-opened I told him that we’d find an alternative for the day he had DS so he wasn’t having to mingle at the school gates (no real SD going on) but he was adamant he wanted to do it. He said he’s tired of being shut away, he’s tired of not living and that he just wants to return to some kind of normalcy.....even if that is just doing one day of childcare for us.

People make their own decisions about what risks to take.

Yes it can be frustrating but nothing you say or do will change people’s attitudes and behaviours.

All you can do is keep you and your own safe and hope that the majority of the country and doing enough to prevent a huge spread.

[rainbowstardrops]

It riles me too. I'm in the vulnerable category and have been so careful since March (I have an elderly, frail dad too) but I've been back into school since Monday and mixing with sixty children and members of staff not socially distancing at all.
I just think what was the point of me being super careful for six months while everyone is acting like nothing's wrong?!
It's incredibly frustrating.

[userxx]

I just don't like my friends anymore, I never realised how bloody selfish they really were.

Just don't see them until all this is over or you've been vaccinated 🤷‍♂️

[CeibaTree]

I think everyone just thinks it's too late to really stop the virus. Boris and Dom fucked up at the beginning by allowing things like Cheltenham to go ahead and not closing our borders even though they could see what was happening in places like Italy and Spain. Plus no one trusts this incompetent government so why would they do what they say? I'm not saying you are wrong OP, but the people you are talking about have made the decision to get on with their lives come what may. It was totally out of order of your friend to try and get you to a house party under false pretences though.

[SofaSurfette]

Just don't see them until all this is over or you've been vaccinated 🤷‍♂️

I feel like this is changing my view of them though. I don't want it to. I'm certainly not the sort of person to fall out with anyone over politics etc. This is just really getting to me.

They may have high mental health worries and need to connect with people or feel normal as far as possible. This may be true for 2 or 3 of them, but they don't need to go to full on parties and then flaunt it on social media (making it seem all the more socially acceptable, as more people are doing it)

[yeOldeTrout]

Hope you find new friends you like better.

[Loonyloo87]

Your poor friends, lighten up and live a little. Imagine being so bitter and angry about a virus that kills about 0.024% of people

[ReturnofSaturn]

Just ditch them then and stop bitching about them. Maybe they are not arsed about your friendship. Tbh you're not coming across as a pleasant person.

[turnthebiglightoff]

Just don't see them. They will probably be thrilled.

[Jayaywhynot]

I'm with you, people seem to just not care, it's like they just want to get back to normal regardless of the consequences, it makes me so annoyed.
The worst one for me was I bumped into an ex colleague in a supermarket carpark, had a chat then when I went to walk away he leant in and kissed me on my LIPS! I nearly died, I couldn't believe it, under normal circumstances we have never kissed on the lips!
People are unbelievable sometimes

[ErinBrockovich]

Gosh I have the same issue but with my family! My opinion of them has completely changed. I have a close family member receiving treatment for cancer but my wider family haven’t followed the guidance since the beginning. As a result we as a family have been excluded from pretty much everything since lockdown started.

Tbh it’s made me realise that I don’t have much in common with them and haven’t actually missed them very much!

[dollypartonscoat]

OP - I get what you mean (although I do think you need lots more fresh air). We've all had different experiences of this year and it's driven wedges between some people sadly.

The issue here for me would be that the friend described a house party as a "socially distant drink in the garden", therefore taking away your ability to risk assess and decide.

If she'd invited you to a house party you'd have said no. She didn't, and that resulted in you having to immediately leave.

In any discussion I would leave the word "selfish" out of it.

[justanotherneighinparadise]

Isn’t this where someone says ‘you do you and let them do them’. The rules of large crowds gathering changed over night. Come off social media. You’ll feel a lot better for it.

[SofaSurfette]

The issue here for me would be that the friend described a house party as a "socially distant drink in the garden", therefore taking away your ability to risk assess and decide

Yes that's absolutely it, I felt like she "tricked" me into going because she thinks I'm being OTT with how cautious I am. Which is probably true, but it's not for her to force me into a situation I was uncomfortable with. It's since this that I've been feeling angry and bitter, which isn't like me at all. She lives 45 minutes away too, but at least the drive over there got me out of the house for a bit

[Oblomov20]

You do sound ott, over anxious and ridden with anxiety. No one likes a jobs worth.

We have obeyed the rules. Especially in the beginning 3 months or so, we did everything we were supposed to. But yes I've met with 2 friends, in her garden.

In our county we have one of the lowest rates in the uk. All the severe anxiety is more damaging to your health than covid is.

[userxx]

The thing is your perception of a garden being rammed with people and hers might be very different, you're clearly being very cautious and might be over sensitive to it. My friend is the same, has a massive meltdown about too many people being in someone's garden, it was absolutely fine but she's been locked away for months and I think her perception is skewed.

[JS87]

@Loonyloo87

Your poor friends, lighten up and live a little. Imagine being so bitter and angry about a virus that kills about 0.024% of people

The actually fatality rate is closer to 1%

[Beamur]

Actually YANBU and given your friends behaviour it isn't surprising that cases are rising in your area.
It's really not that hard to understand that if you keep on social distancing and not meeting in large groups you cut the risk of transmission.
Life doesn't stop, but we have to change our behaviour until either a vaccine is found or the virus mutates to a less dangerous form/we get better at treating people who get very ill.

[WiseUpJanetWeiss]

@userxx

The thing is your perception of a garden being rammed with people and hers might be very different, you're clearly being very cautious and might be over sensitive to it. My friend is the same, has a massive meltdown about too many people being in someone's garden, it was absolutely fine but she's been locked away for months and I think her perception is skewed.

There’s a big difference between a few people in a garden and a packed house, which is what the OP described.

[SofaSurfette]

But yes I've met with 2 friends, in her garden.

Sounds like you've been cautious then. I was willing to meet in the garden as well. I'm not saying everyone should be like me and keep avoiding the shops. The problem is that people are being outright stupid.

The thing is your perception of a garden being rammed with people and hers might be very different

The people were in her house, not even the garden.

[Ragwort]

I have found that, in my experience, those that are the most vocal about staying at home and being able to self isolate are in the fortunate position of having the financial choice to be able to so. Either because they are furloughed, able to work from home or have a comfortable pension. How have you been able to stay at home since March?

Most us have no choice but to go to work and we make our own choices around that. I think you have to make your own decision and 'own' it and not be over zealous about what other people do. I work with the public, I mix with my very elderly parents - at their stage in life (late 80s) they know they only have a few years left and don't want to stay cooped up.

I have no idea who is "partying", I don't use SM and suggest you stop caring so much about how other people live their lives.