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Son scared and crying over going back

(63 Posts)
Raindancer411 Sat 15-Aug-20 23:07:38

Hi all

Are anyone else's little ones scared and crying over going back to school, and how are you addressing this?

I have explained he needs to ensure he washes his hands well, keep his distance as best he can and not touch his face. Also that his school is staggering starts and finish times, but that is all I can say to try and reassure him.

We have a baby who was only born in May and he is also scared of bringing it back to her.

Any advice please?

OP’s posts: |
Wodden Sat 15-Aug-20 23:15:23

How old is he?

Goslowlysideways Sat 15-Aug-20 23:17:21

Email the school and tell them how he is feeling. Try to be as positive as possible about school and focus on the things or people he likes the best. Remind him that the school is full of adults who are there to keep him safe. Acknowledge his feelings and then try and just try to be as positive as possible.

DownWhichOfLate Sat 15-Aug-20 23:18:19

Yes, how old is he? Children usually follow our lead about these things.

DrDetriment Sat 15-Aug-20 23:19:35

How old is he? It sounds like he's picked up on your fears so the best way to reassure him is to be relaxed about it yourself.

Waxonwaxoff0 Sat 15-Aug-20 23:21:02

How old?

Children tend to follow their parents. My 7 year old isn't scared about going back because I haven't acted dramatic around him about the situation.

ChristmasinJune Sat 15-Aug-20 23:21:30

I have explained he needs to ensure he washes his hands well, keep his distance as best he can and not touch his face. Also that his school is staggering starts and finish times, but that is all I can say to try and reassure him.

I mean, I see where you're coming from but actually I'm not sure how "reassuring" this advice is. It sounds like you're also very anxious which your son is reflecting.

Have you been talking about how much fun he'll have with his friends? About the fact that young children don't get it badly (age dependent perhaps) and about the fact that things feel scary when we think about them but once we're actually there it feels normal?

Raindancer411 Sat 15-Aug-20 23:25:09

Thanks all. He has just turned 8, but is a very young 8. He has always been a cautious child and I try to hide my worries from him as much as I can. We don't have the news on or the radio to limit what he hears.

I have emailed the school but obviously won't hear until nearer them going back. They should be updating their risk assessment so that may help me answer some of his questions and address his worries.

I am trying to keep as upbeat as I can around him and saying he will enjoy seeing his friends and that if I didn't feel he was safe at all, I wouldn't be sending him.

OP’s posts: |
BogRollBOGOF Sat 15-Aug-20 23:39:25

My 9yo has ASD and is prone to anxiety. We had lots of hair chewing and "tummy aches" from anxiety because of the general uncertainty around February until school finished in March. It settled right down after that.

He's been reassured by the data; how low the chances of community transmission are, how low the chances of feeling ill after exposure are, how low the chances of any of us being teally poorly are.

He's allowed to interact naturally with other children (and hasn't spent time indoors with anyone other than his BF who also has a low risk of exposure through family life). A bit more handwashing. Keeping a bit of space around strangers.

Both DCs are looking forwards to going back to school and seeing their friends.

Raindancer411 Sat 15-Aug-20 23:44:17

@BogRollBOGOF Yes I explained to him that cases are very low in our area (SE) and that one of his teachers I bumped into said she actually found the school to be her safe place.

He has always grown up with some minimal worry around him as he has an allergy. So whenever we go anywhere I have to ask about this allergy in front of him, but not sure if this would have a lot of effect on him?!

OP’s posts: |
Piixxiiee Sat 15-Aug-20 23:49:22

I wouldnt start talking any more about what school will be like in regards to sd, touching etc as we don't yet know if that will be expected in primary. Just focus on the things he likes- friends, pe or whatever, be excited for him, lots of schools have a recovery curriculum in place for September to deal with all the anxieties. He will be fine.

Waxonwaxoff0 Sat 15-Aug-20 23:54:23

I don't bother telling DS things like not to touch his face. Children just aren't going to remember those things, it puts way too much pressure on them.

CKBJ Sat 15-Aug-20 23:56:48

Could your son also not wanting to leave the baby? If he has been with the baby since it’s been born could he be thinking he’ll be missing out on something when he goes back to school?
I think talking about all the positives he will get from returning may help and ignore anything remotely at this stage. My ds school sent an email before summer asking about any child who may need additional support for when they return due to anxieties/worries. Hopefully your sons school has something similar

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 Sun 16-Aug-20 00:00:48

My DD is 6, when we initially approached the subject of going back to school she was a bit apprehensive (as are we) we've been focusing on the positives. How wonderful it will be to see and play with all her friends, how fun it will be to learn new things and meet her new teacher, how fantastic it will be to hear about what everyone else has been doing and how she can tell them about her new trampoline and growing things in the garden.

She knows it will be a little different but we've tried to positively frame the bigger changes. Sitting at desks more will be good because she'll have a special set of pens and stuff just for her, washing hands more means she's less likely to get a cold so no runny nose........

We're expecting some upset in the first few days as she's enjoyed spending so much time with me and her dad but hopefully not too awful.

Raindancer411 Sun 16-Aug-20 00:04:15

@CKBJ I hadn't thought if it could be to do with leaving the baby and feeling like missing out.

The school haven't offered anything like that yet, but I have emailed the teachers so hopefully they will be able to put him forward for any extra support if it's offered.

OP’s posts: |
CKBJ Sun 16-Aug-20 00:21:38

Just an idea-could you get him to draw a picture of what he is worrying about or encourage lots of drawing and see if you can work out a common theme. I found my ds (did suffer language delay so maybe the reason) opens up by doing this.

midsummabreak Sun 16-Aug-20 00:21:42

Can you meet with a child from his school outdoors for a weekly walk He will possibly relax more and feel more confident seeing other children who will also be returning to school.

Heathershimmer95 Sun 16-Aug-20 01:17:31

Yes one of my two dcs is like this. And they’re both very upset they won’t be allowed to play together at school. They’re 10 months and 1 school year apart in age and have obviously bonded these past months.

Raindancer411 Sun 16-Aug-20 03:27:30

@midsummabreak We have had a few meet ups and he also has played online and zoom called others. We are meant to be going to a group meet at a play area but he doesn't want to go, although I have tried to encourage him.

OP’s posts: |
moretolifethanthis2020 Sun 16-Aug-20 07:07:24

No, mine aren't as I have made damn sure I have not brought into this hysteria and terrified them. They have literally no fears about a virus whatsoever

Trinketsfor20 Sun 16-Aug-20 07:25:52

Not the case with nearly 5 year old starting reception this year. He also has had a baby sibling born in jan this year. They’re both going to nursery FT. He’s got nothing but excitement for school but if spouse or I had been anxious about this I’m sure he’d pick up - they’re very perceptive. More perceptive than you think.

SomewhereEast Sun 16-Aug-20 08:29:13

Has he been out much or had any chances to socialise with people outside his immediate family? If he hasn't, then September will feel like a big jump for him. Also I don't think its at all realistic or healthy to expect children under a certain age to social distance consistently or longterm, which is why Wales & Scotland exempt them from it (think their cut off is 11). My part of England also seems to have kind of unanimously agreed to exempt them from it too - our Covid rates are miniscule here - but that may or may not be within your comfort zone grin. Likewise the face touching, and the absent-mindedly touching surfaces etc. Its going to happen and I & just about every parent I know accepts that now or has always accepted it. Maybe also keep reinforcing the fact that the vast majority of people really really aren't going to get very ill or die, and that there is actually relatively little circulating anyway. I was very clear with my two (5 and 8) from way back in March that we and they weren't at risk at all. The measures were just to protect those who were at risk. My two are just excited to be heading back, and we're excited to send them back grin

SomewhereEast Sun 16-Aug-20 08:32:43

And yes to the new sibling issue! I think kids definitely express their anxieties in very indirect ways sometimes. So the subconcious anxiety that can come with a new sibling (am I being 'displaced') is finding expression through something he CAN put a name too. Guessing you've had the "Be careful with the baby" discussions and maybe thats become jumbled up with all the other be careful messages

Raindancer411 Sun 16-Aug-20 08:35:03

Thanks for the replies all. He hasn't seemed at all bothered about it until lately, so it's a bit out the blue.

We had seen some of his friends since June (obviously before that we were shielding as that was what was told for people in their third trimesters to do and husband was working full time from home).

This morning he is AOK and not mentioned it. Not sure if it's just at night when he is trying to sleep his mind whirls off on him.

OP’s posts: |
Bagelsandbrie Sun 16-Aug-20 08:36:48

Are you sure it’s actually Covid related and not just that he’s got used to being at home? My 8 year old is getting himself into a terrible state about going back but he couldn’t care less about the Covid side of things, he just wants to stay at home forever! Me talking about everything Covid related / what’s in place just seems to making him worse as it’s going on about school - so I’ve decided not to mention it at all until the week before. I’m dreading it!

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