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This isn’t short term, is it? :(

(101 Posts)
laura081008 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:02:07

I’ve really had enough.

I’ve been stuck in my house since March.
My baby was 5 weeks old at the start of lockdown she’s now 19 weeks old!!

A history of health anxiety and ocd mixed with post natal anxiety and a pandemic Had really taken its toll on me.

Since March we’ve been to the Drs 3 times for vaccinations, we’ve driven to our parents and seen them through the car and we’ve been on lots of walks.
That’s it.....

We’ve not been to any shops or supermarkets.

I’ve still yet to pluck up the courage to have a socially distanced garden meet / park walk.

My husband returned to work 4 weeks ago (wfh) so it’s just me and DD during the day.

I’m starting to feel so down. I’m desperate to get out and have some sort of normality, but my fear of Covid are stopping me.

I honestly thought after lockdown that things would have improved, or if they hadn’t, we’d stay locked down for longer.
I didn’t expect to be going to restaurants and having to take these precautions.

I love the cinema but just couldn’t imagine being able to relax and enjoy a film under these circumstances.

I really don’t think this is just a short term measure and it worries me things will be like this for much, much longer.

I just don’t know how I’m going to live my life like this.

I know I have to for my baby girl, but being ill and taken away from her absolutely petrifies me sad

I’m running out of ideas of things to do at home and most mornings now I’m waking up feeling teary, down and with little motivation.

I hate this new “normal”.

OP’s posts: |
pigeon999 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:09:12

I can understand why you feel so protective of your baby, and I would be the same in your position. It is slowly improving now op, and things are getting better but slowly.

Why not start with a very very socially distanced meeting with your parents perhaps in your garden or theirs just for half an hour and build up from there? How about you ask them to be very careful as you are nervous. Once you have done this with them, maybe you can then start to see some trusted friends and family members slowly.

A walk with the pram in the park, woods every day would help.

Are you calling and speaking to people each day?

Gently ease yourself back into things op, and when the weekends are here make sure you are having a break. Maybe meet a friend on your own for a glass of wine in the garden? I found time out like this invaluable when my children were young.

Scottishgirl85 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:09:18

Are you receiving assessment/ treatment for your anxiety? You are limiting your activities way more than you need to. I hope you feel better soon.

Quartz2208 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:10:56

Have you spoken to a GP and sought help for this OP.

We are 6 months into this and we are getting through it and small things are changing each day

laura081008 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:12:24

pigeon999

I can understand why you feel so protective of your baby, and I would be the same in your position. It is slowly improving now op, and things are getting better but slowly.

Why not start with a very very socially distanced meeting with your parents perhaps in your garden or theirs just for half an hour and build up from there? How about you ask them to be very careful as you are nervous. Once you have done this with them, maybe you can then start to see some trusted friends and family members slowly.

A walk with the pram in the park, woods every day would help.

Are you calling and speaking to people each day?

Gently ease yourself back into things op, and when the weekends are here make sure you are having a break. Maybe meet a friend on your own for a glass of wine in the garden? I found time out like this invaluable when my children were young.

I’ve arranged a meet up in my garden with my mum. I’m really hoping this helps.

OP’s posts: |
laura081008 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:13:16

**Have you spoken to a GP and sought help for this OP.

We are 6 months into this and we are getting through it and small things are changing each day**

I’m having weekly CBT via video calls.

OP’s posts: |
PotteringAlong Thu 25-Jun-20 10:14:19

It’s only long term if you let it be. There’s no reason to not be going out for walks etc now.

justanotherneighinparadise Thu 25-Jun-20 10:14:51

It’s so depressing isnt it. I just want some adult time away from my kids. Every day is the same. From 7am till 9.30pm I am dealing with screaming, shouting, fighting, home educating, feeding, wiping arses and also trying to be s preschool so making play dough, preparing sand, baking, gardening etc etc etc.

Perhaps this is someone’s idea of bliss but not mine. I’ve started going to be bad post 11pm just to have some time to myself. My house has holes in walls, playdough presses into the carpet. It’s have small plastic toys littering every floor of every room. I can’t relax, I have another three months of this.

Sunshinegirl82 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:15:31

It is really difficult op but I think unless there is an underlying condition that makes you very vulnerable it would really help if you started to take small steps to getting out. You don’t need to dive into a massive supermarket shop but small things.

Could you meet just one friend in the park with your baby? Sit on different picnic blankets and bring your own food and drink? Go for a drive at the weekend and go for a walk somewhere new? Then slowly build up from there.

The number of infections have dropped so much that whilst everyone needs to be vigilant and follow the guidelines the risks really are much, much, much lower than they were.

We may have to put up with things being a bit odd on the medium term but it absolutely will pass. The Spanish flu killed millions and was swiftly followed by the roaring 20’s! This isn’t a permanent state of affairs but you do need to find ways to enjoy life for now.

Have you spoken to your HV or GP about how anxious you feel?

Quartz2208 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:16:00

Who are you scared for yourself or your baby?

THings have improved slowly but surely things are getting better but it is going to be a step by step process and it is starting that first step

Quartz2208 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:17:37

and it can be at your pace. A slow start have a garden meet up then a park walk but take it at your own pace. Start to see that the world is slowing starting to return

ZiggeryZaggy Thu 25-Jun-20 10:22:28

Just take it slowly, one little thing at a time. Even without a pandemic in the background, being a new mum can be a very anxious time. The enormity of the task, of protecting your new little being, can sometimes be overwhelming and feel like love mixed with fear. I think that’s normal.

The current situation is not normal though, and it sounds like you have actually been doing really well so far, so give yourself credit for that. A few little goals to work towards, meaning you spend more time in public places sometimes (starting with walking to the park for just 15 mins, for example, but still social distancing), but also giving yourself permission to stay closer to home/indoors if it all feels too much. That’s okay. You’ll get there in your own time.

You’ve realised you are lacking motivation and been honest with yourself about how you feel - and you have reached out here and been honest to. That’s enough hard work for one day, so give yourself credit for that right now, give yourself the rest of the day to relax and then maybe set your first goal for tomorrow flowers

laura081008 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:24:18

@justanotherneighinparadise

My baby is 4 months and currently in the 4 month sleep regression.
She’s dropped all day time naps and I’m struggling with ideas to keep her entertained.

I feel bad for her as all our days just feel the same.

OP’s posts: |
laura081008 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:26:44

@Quartz2208

Who are you scared for yourself or your baby?

*THings have improved slowly but surely things are getting better but it is going to be a step by step process and it is starting that first step*

I worry about us both.

I have mild asthma, psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis(not on any medication for arthritis)

Everything I’ve read says people who have died from Covid tend to have more than
one underlying health condition.
I feel like my chances of survival are small sad

OP’s posts: |
laura081008 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:27:57

@ZiggeryZaggy

Thank you flowers

OP’s posts: |
bookish83 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:29:04

@laura081008

Does she not nap at all? That is rough. Even during the regression we got cat naps 😢 baby will get over tired as at 4 months should still be having 4 naps, even if they are tiny ones.

Have you used the huckleberry app? It gives great sleep advice in terms of the best time to nap etc. It is free! Even if every nap is on you then so be it.

As someone who also has a small baby of the same age, you need to get out on walks and distanced meets. It honestly will stop you feeling as scared. I was petrified at the beginning but getting out even if for a walk on your own really helps. Plus baby probably will nap in the pram!

Really feel for you. This lockdown has been very tough on everyone, but new mums and babies I think have it rough generally, so this a double whammy! Xx

Spacemonkey2016 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:38:25

laura081008

*@justanotherneighinparadise*

My baby is 4 months and currently in the 4 month sleep regression.
She’s dropped all day time naps and I’m struggling with ideas to keep her entertained.

I feel bad for her as all our days just feel the same.

I have a 23 week old so similar age. Can you take her for a long walk each day? That will get you some fresh air and hopefully her some sleep?

Don't worry about her getting bored. I think babies that age are just fascinated by the world around them in general. Granted, my little girl has her 3yo big brother to add some entertainment, but her current obsession is crisp packets. Absolutely blows her mind. You're not letting her down, she's getting all this time with her Mummy, which is what she wants.

Just look after yourself, I know it's hard having no support with a new baby. Just take small steps. Have you got a zoo near you? We went at the weekend and was fairly easy to keep distance from people.

Quartz2208 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:43:30

I feel like my chances of survival are small

But they arent small OP they are very good

www.telegraph.co.uk/global-health/science-and-disease/crunching-numbers-real-risks-dying-covid-19/

Please start to take small steps - a garden visit and a park walk

Cinema/Restaurants dont even think about but getting outside and seeing the world would be good for you

Camomila Thu 25-Jun-20 10:44:36

flowers for you.

I have a 5m old as well, but I have a 4 year old too to wear out/entertain so my mind is kept busy.

If your parents are in driving distance would you/they feel comfortable having a chat in their back garden? Or do you have a local friend you could go on a social distance pram walk with?

It probably isn't helping being in the house by yourself all day.

Megatron Thu 25-Jun-20 10:50:28

I feel like my chances of survival are small

OP, they're really not. Most of the people who have had underlying health conditions have had really quite severe issues (please don't think I'm minimising your conditions, I'm really not) and are normally quite a bit older than you. I think anyone going to the cinema right now is nuts to be honest, but I also think that social distancing (preferably in the open), handwashing etc are the best ways to keep well. I also think that viral load plays a huge part too.

laura081008 Thu 25-Jun-20 10:51:06

*Does she not nap at all? That is rough. Even during the regression we got cat naps 😢 baby will get over tired as at 4 months should still be having 4 naps, even if they are tiny ones. *

No we get no naps at all at the minute. The days feel long.

OP’s posts: |
BigChocFrenzy Thu 25-Jun-20 10:52:11

"I feel like my chances of survival are small "

but they are NOT small, even for shielded people with serious conditions

Age is absolutely dominant as a risk
far more than almost all but the gravest health conditions:

Risk of dying from COVID, if infected, increases at 11–12% each year of age
==> risk doubles every 6–7 years
==> risk multiplies x ~ 8 every 20 years

==> a 50-year-old has ~ 8 x the risk of a 30-year-old
==> a 62-year-old has ~ 64 x the risk of a 22-year-old
==> an 80-year-old has x ~ 500 times the risk of dying as a 20-year-old

Even conditions like T1 increase risk only x 3 to 4,
so no worse than being about 10 years older

Also, a woman has ~ half the risk compared with a woman of the same age.

BigChocFrenzy Thu 25-Jun-20 10:53:22

a woman has ~ half the risk compared with a man of the same age.

Hmpher Thu 25-Jun-20 10:54:10

It might be a good idea to speak to your GP about medication just to help for now. My sister has suffered very badly during this pandemic. She has already had therapy in the past for OCD and anxiety but it rose to extreme levels about a month or so ago. Every moment of her life was taken over by OCD thoughts and actions, she completely lost her personality and was spending her days crying to my parents or me over the phone for hours on end about completely illogical things. She fought for ages about the idea of medication but she’s been on it for a while now and there has been a drastic improvement. She can now calm herself and think more rationally about risk etc. She also planned a few very distant visits to start and has even managed to go back to work now and realised it’s not as big a thing as she was building it up to be in her head.

I’m not suggesting that you are experiencing exactly the same things but it’s just something you could think about if you feel you need it. And really, I think that starting small will really help you overcome this. Do those first few things and go from there.

I have no expert knowledge of your medical condition, but they don’t strike me as being likely to be fatal with covid for an otherwise healthy and relatively young person. Lots of the population have asthma and I certainly haven’t heard of swathes of asthmatics dying.

Becoming a first time mum is always such a worrying time anyway, I know I worried about absolutely all sorts of things I’d never considered before, and that was without a global pandemic to contend with. But remember, you are not alone and there will be thousands of other new mums in this situation across the world. Is there a new mum group /thread on here or a group you could join locally? (virtually for now I guess). I know my local children’s centre are doing online groups for now. It might help you to see how other people with a young baby are coping.

KaptenKrusty Thu 25-Jun-20 10:56:13

I’ve found just accepting it has made it much easier to cope with - have just decided/accepted this year is cancelled - keeping busy at home as much as possible - being positive that the weather is lovely etc - I won’t be going to shops, bars, Restaurants or anything ! I likely won’t see my parents properly until Christmas (I live in a different country anyway so it’s not possible to even do a socially distance visit)

There’s literally nothing we can do unfortunately.

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