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Started struggling today

(4 Posts)
Whendoesthisgeteasier Mon 22-Jun-20 14:17:45

I just need someone to give me a kick up the bum today.

I feel like I've done so well and then last night/today it's like I've hit the biggest brick wall. Fathers day meal I cooked ended up being in the oven for 3 hours because dd wouldn't go to sleep and only wanted me. I am so tired I feel it in my bones.

We live hours away from both of our families and parents on both sides are shielding. My mum has several conditions which have already limited her life expectancy. I don't know when I will see her again.

I'm part time so doing majority of the childcare for our 2 year old dd. When my dh isn't working he is working on the house which we bought shortly before lockdown and needs loads doing to it. He spent all weekend doing renovations while I looked after dd, which I did say I was happy to do.

On the days I am working we are managing, I am planning loads of activities for 2yo dd and she seems really happy. Every day feels the same though, relentless, constant washing up, tidying, playing, hanging out laundry, cooking, tidying up again, putting another wash on. All with no other human interaction. I've been working as hard as I can from home and still managing to get things done, getting lots of praise from managers etc. I still feel the guilt of not being able to get as much as I would like to get done because I'm looking after dd. Days I do get loads done I feel guilty if I've not spent as much time with dd.

I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally. I'm so lonely. I'm feeling it in a deep way I haven't felt before. I haven't seen anyone else for over 3 months. I spend every day playing with a 2 year old alone. I speak to family and friends on facetime but it's not enough and the messages have gradually decreased to virtually nothing from friends. It feels like everyone else is with their families now or starting to get back to normal and I'm still trapped behind these walls.

Dh is working today and I'm spending another lonely day trying to entertain dd with the same recycled activities for the 13th week. I don't want her to see that I'm upset so I don't even have the luxury of space or time to be upset. Has anyone else been doing fine and found they're now struggling?

OP’s posts: |
Bol87 Mon 22-Jun-20 14:32:04

Oh bless you 😣 that sounds really difficult. I guess the obvious thing would be do you have friends locally?

My parents & closet family members are nearly all shielding & my in-laws other side of the country, so similarly, I don’t really have family to see. But I do have a lovely bunch of mum friends I made back when DD1 was small & we’ve now met up for picnics & walks in the park & gardens and it’s really helped! We don’t socially distance our 3 year olds as none of us think it’s appropriate and it’s just impossible. And at weekends, my OH has looked after our girls & I’ve gone on my own to see a friend or pottered to do some jobs (even the supermarket feels like a holiday these days 😂).

Family wise, do you have any none shielding family you could meet somewhere half way? I know the toilet is a bit of an issue but we went to a couple country parks in our area this weekend & both had portaloos!

It sounds like you could do with some valuable time with your OH too. Sounds like he’s pretty busy but perhaps the house can take a slight back seat a couple evenings a week to enjoy dinner & a movie? Or agree that he works on it solidly on Saturday but Sunday is a family day? Or a day where you get to do something for you for a couple hours?! My OH regularly takes our elder DD out to the park & woods to give me a break (I’m on maternity). I still have a 14 week old to look after but she’s a lot easier!

Sending a big hug! I hope you can find a slightly more your needs friendly routine!

Bol87 Mon 22-Jun-20 14:33:26

Ps. Any option to send your DD to nursery a couple days a week? Life has become 10x easier now my DD is back 3x a week!

Whendoesthisgeteasier Mon 22-Jun-20 19:59:34

@Bol87 Thank you so much for the lovely reply!

I think you're right. Perhaps the house needs to take a backseat for a few nights a week so that we can relax properly and perhaps dh could take our dd out for an hour or two each week just to give me some of my own space and time. He's been doing all of the shopping, which has been amazing but it has meant I haven't had that personal time. We're very much the kind of people who just grit our teeth and get on with things no matter how tough. I guess that's why I've freaked myself out with my wobble today and yesterday!

We hadn't wanted to send dd back to nursery but I am now weighing up the risk vs. positives. It might be better for my mental health in the longer term and fairly low risk now if we sent her in even for just one day a week. Even imagining that makes me feel such relief. Which also makes me feel guilty!!! Thanks again for the advice and empathy.

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