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Am I being over the top?

(80 Posts)
AlwaysWithTheCherries Tue 16-Jun-20 17:08:45

MIL has invited us over on Sunday. I accepted, said as long as the weather is nice then that would be lovely. She asked if we'd like a roast. I thanked her but said not to worry, we wanted to see her not have her in the kitchen cooking while we're outside. Well, you'll be in the kitchen with me, she says. No, I won't, I say. She asks why, I tell her because the rules are that you can meet in gardens but not inside houses. She then goes in to a rant about how over the top I'm being, I'm keeping her grandkids from her, she'll speak to DH and she's sure he'll agree.

I'm just getting really sick of this. I've followed the rules completely the whole time and I'm planning to continue following them because it's what I believe is the best thing for my family and our situation. There are medical issues which make this even more important to me. Both sides of our extended families have broken the rules in one way or another and that's absolutely their own choice. But I'm now being made to feel like I'm being ridiculous for refusing to do the same. Am I?

OP’s posts: |
Angelonia Tue 16-Jun-20 17:11:24

I have been pretty strict with the rules OP (starting to relax a bit now) and I think YANBU. It's a good idea for her to talk to DH about it. Will he back you up?

FabulouslyElegantTits Tue 16-Jun-20 17:12:54

Oh how annoying, I've been in a similar situation over something where I stuck to 'the rules' when the outlaws were happy to break them. It caused a lot of bad feeling.

No advice, just wanted to let you know I feel your pain!

FluffyKittensinabasket Tue 16-Jun-20 17:15:00

I’ve been inside both my parents and MILs house.

You do you OP and I’ll do me!

AlwaysWithTheCherries Tue 16-Jun-20 17:20:33

@Angelonia He's very much of the same opinion as me so I know he'll tell her the same. She hasn't contacted him yet though.

@FabulouslyElegantTits Thanks for the solidarity. Bloody nightmare!

@FluffyKittensinabasket I wish MIL had the same attitude. I'm definitely of the opinion that we all have to make our own choices.

OP’s posts: |
MaryBerrysBomberJacket Tue 16-Jun-20 19:59:41

I've had hte same argument with my own parents; they think it is over the top and we should be able to hug whereas I still strip at the door after being at school on rota then have a shower!

DartmoorChef Tue 16-Jun-20 20:09:07

I would go and go in.

damnthisvirusandmarriage Tue 16-Jun-20 20:36:58

For me the best part of lock down is not having to see the in-laws. Urgh shudder at the thought of them kissing and hugging us when this is over. Bleurgh

hamstersarse Tue 16-Jun-20 20:47:59

I personally think you are being over the top.....but I also understand that others don’t feel the same way

tootiredtospeak Tue 16-Jun-20 20:52:43

Yeah we are the only ones left in both mine and my DPs family that arent going into each others houses. I dont find it an issue for us as adults but feel bad for my kids as their cousins are now playing together hugging grandparents ect when I am telling mine they cant. Its very tough as we are all so close really and I really respect my DM so I guess you just have to accept its a weird time and not fall out but dont be pressured into anything your uncomfortable with.

FluffyKittensinabasket Tue 16-Jun-20 20:54:11

I’m having my parents over tomorrow before we go to a National Trust. I’m making them breakfast too.

milkysmum Tue 16-Jun-20 20:55:23

I've been sticking to the rules completely to the letter but I'll be honest I'm done now, none of the rules make any sense really and everything contradicts itself so I'm seeing my family. I can go to work, primark is open, pubs open in 2 weeks but I can't see my mum, nah I'm not having it, and I don't think many people will either.

ineedaholidaynow Tue 16-Jun-20 20:58:40

Did people see the bit where OP says there are medical issues to consider? Also unless they are a support bubble, it is against the rules.

Thank god many people have been sticking to the rules otherwise the country would be in a worse position than it already is.

Mixing households is one of the riskiest things to do. Luckily there isn't so much virus in the community so not as risky as it used to be, but still a risk.

userxx Tue 16-Jun-20 20:59:53

I think you're being totally over the top but I've not followed "the rules" particularly from day one. Mental health and happiness is much higher up on my agenda. I've known about 4 people who been ill with the virus and they are all still alive and kicking.

Ohchristmastreeohchristmastree Tue 16-Jun-20 21:02:36

I don’t think you are being over the top. If everyone did this numbers would go up again.

In fact according to gov website it is unlawful to go in other people’s houses still (unless in bubble etc).

userxx Tue 16-Jun-20 21:02:39

* Luckily there isn't so much virus in the community so not as risky as it used to be, but still a risk.*

It's risky walking across a road 🤷‍♂️. You can't live your life ruled by fear, you'd never leave the front door. So many if, but's and maybe's.

FraterculaArctica Tue 16-Jun-20 21:05:07

YANBU. Of course you shouldn't be going in other people's houses, the guidance on that has not changed.

FabulouslyElegantTits Tue 16-Jun-20 21:10:41

Isn't it funny how different we all are! I wouldn't dream of having anyone in my home, or going to anyone else's at the moment. It shocks me that people are so blasé about it ... I'm such a rule follower 😆

ineedaholidaynow Tue 16-Jun-20 21:12:43

@userxx have you followed any of the rules of lockdown?

NewShoesRub Tue 16-Jun-20 21:17:42

@damnthisvirusansmarriage

Hahahahahahah!

userxx Tue 16-Jun-20 21:21:17

@ineedaholidaynow Well I've not been going to pubs and restaurants, I've had no choice but to follow some of the rules. I've worked in the office since day one so haven't found myself in the strange fear bubble that many people have.

Spied Tue 16-Jun-20 21:23:41

Dc and I stood in MIL's garden chatting whilst on our daily walk yesterday as we pass on our way to the park and she saw us and waved.
She kept saying to dc that she can't wait for them to go to hers for the day and saying how bil was allowing his DC ( their cousins) to visit and go in the house- so basically inviting my DC who are 9&10 in front of me and making me look bad when I say 'no'. Which she knows I will- which is why she is being sly.
She loves making me 'bad cop'.

Rant overblush

AnnaSW1 Tue 16-Jun-20 21:26:32

I'd say I wasn't going. She's being a bitch trying to manipulate you with her son.

DidSheReallySayThat20 Tue 16-Jun-20 21:34:02

I would and go in.
My pil invited us a few weeks ago. No where to sit outside to actually eat. So we ate indoors and have done a few times since. We feel the risk in our circumstances are minimal.
I've also been in my mums home and my dad's ( who now is our bubble anyway)
Eachbset of parents eithe retired and healthy or furloughed. Only go to get groceries as do we. So that's the chance we've taken. I don't judge anyone and I could by what I've seen on most of my fb feed but that's their choice too.

On the other had a friend visited here in the garden and brought her own chair and drink.. Again that's fine.

ineedaholidaynow Tue 16-Jun-20 21:37:10

@DidSheReallySayThat20 why are you bothering to say you have a bubble, when you are going into other people's houses. if you are in a bubble you are not meant to be mixing with any other households.

I assume all of you will abide by test and trace if required.

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