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What do I do now? ☹(13 Posts)
Dd (5) dad has been staying with us since start of lock down. He lives with his mother and has done since we split up when dd was a baby. He has her two days per week when I work. I'm quite lucky with my job. I'm a care worker so I work the whole time dd is with her dad, sleep over there too.
He had been living with us as his mum was worried about the virus and as we get on ok (ish) it seemed like the sensible solution. It enabled him to still see dd and for me to be able to work.
We didn't know that the whole lock down would last as long and his mum has been very firm with it and said "no" to him (and dd for two days per week) going back there. He refuses to get his own place as it's too costly and he's too immature anyway (he's 34) and is happy to doss in his mums spare room. He had nowhere else to go and I needed him for childcare.
Well things came to a head this weekend. He's had me in tears, smashing up the house and arguing non stop with me and dd (I know this lockdown must have been hard on him too) was calling me names and being generally awful. My mental health isn't good. I'm currently receiving councilling and the whole thing got to me really bad. I've been feeling like I'm breaking down and his presence in my home has not helped. (He's my ex for a reason..)
Well after that today, and having to see dd distressed yet again, I kicked him out. I put his things in my car and drove him to his mother's and left him there.
Now I have no childcare (I have no family of my own) she does go to school 4.5 days per week as she's in reception but in my line of work they won't let me go in for a few hours a day, typical shift is 8am-6pm or in my case, a full 48hours.
I know some might be thinking I've cut my nose off to spite my face. But I just couldn't deal with my ex living here. Walking on egg shells, being insulated and watching my mental health deteriorate further.
I have a car that still needs paying off (£2000 left!!) And now that will be taken away, I'm gutted. I tried so hard to get it, passed my test two years ago. It was and is my pride and joy. Now that will be taken away and let's face it. If I have to go on UC then I won't be able to afford to run it anyway.
Will i even get UC? Saying as how it's me thats left the job (albeit for Child care reasons) I text my boss (that's ok, we do that) as I didn't want to ring with it being a Sunday but felt like she needed to know asap. She hasn't responded so I'm not sure what she'll say.. what can she say?
I still don't know when or if dd will go back to her grandmas, they were thinking of doing the bubble thing with me being a single parent but i havent heard anything about that yet.
I'm so shaken up and worried. I don't know What I want from this post. I just needed to vent. Sorry.
Did you ask to be furloughed due to childcare issues?
Did you ask for different shifts?
I would contact women’s aid immediately for advice. You did the right thing getting him out of there. Of course you will get UC
Can they furlough for childcare reasons?
No not yet. I just explained what happened (leaving out the finer details..). My boss knows the situation. She might suggest I come in for a few days here an there just to keep my position open. Not really feasible long term, but then theres only 4 weeks left if school. By then he might have her back. Who knows. I'm a long standing member of staff and she won't want to lose me but not sure what else can be done.
Boss responded. They don't do furlough for childcare reasons. I know she'll not be happy, we're short staffed as it is. Shit.
Have you got any family or friends who could help temporarily? Maybe offer payment ?
No I have no family of my own. Don't know where my mum is and my dad killed himself last year.
Spoke to boss. She has given me a holiday for 1 week so I have 10 days to come up with a plan/arrangements (until my next shift). Suppose it's better than nothing. I'm more hopeful now it'll work it's self out. At least with my next wage, holiday pay and the little savings I have I'll be able to pay off most of the car so it won't be taken away.
I’m so sorry this has happened.
Have you anyone else you can “bubble” with? Family, a friend? Anyone who can help with childcare really.
I think you absolutely did the right thing though I agree this is very difficult. I think I would be asking other friends or family to help with childcare, paid if needed. I would help a friend out in this scenario. A childminder might also be an option, not sure they'd be keen to offer wrap around though.
it sounds like your boss might be understanding - I really hope so.
Well my lovely friend has just said she will pick dd up from reception on the days I work and take her home with her dd (they're in the same class) give her dinner and look after her until I finish work (so I could do a 9am-6pm shift) how lovely is that!? 😊❤ it would mean I wouldn't be able to do my sleep shift but at least it keeps my job going and gives me some breathing room until they decide it's safe for her to go and stay at her dads/grandmas house. Phew.
That’s wonderful. Great to have good friends.
That's good to hear and you definitely did the right thing... have you checked out UC? You are probably entitled to some help with childcare costs that may help if you need support longer term ...
Well I get some tax credits so I guess that covers it? I would use childcare.. it's just my job means I sleep over there and no child minder will have a child over night, and I wouldn't want that for dd anyway.
The ones around mine tend to finish at 5.30pm anyway.
As I said, my friend will look after dd whilst I'm at work, until I get home. But this won't be for long and I don't want to take the piss.
My plan is to be very frugal and do as many shifts as I can, the car is my only 'debt' so if i can save for that id be ok even if i had to go on UC (of course, Id rather keep my job..) so I'm planning for the worst but hoping for the best.
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