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Would you visit your 90 year old grandfather?(14 Posts)
Grandfather is 90 and apart from some mobility issues is fit and well.
Lockdown has not been too much of an issue as we’ve been able to drop shopping outside his home and he can cook for himself.
The past week or two though his mental health has started to take a nosedive and the isolation is really getting to him. He needs human company. We’ve been and sat in the garden with him but he gets cold and keeps on at us to go in the house and sit well apart (he has a large lounge).
He’s desperate to go for a run in the car, to come and stay at my home for the day and to go to the supermarket. It’s all he fixates on now, some days he’s very down about it.
I think I’d have caved by now if it weren’t for the fact DH and DS still go out to work so the are a route of transmission into my house.
GF is now past caring and thinks it’ll be fine - says that there’s no point to life if he can’t ever leave the house again.
WWYD? Is it worth the risk to try and keep his spirits up? Trouble is he’ll push and push until one of us give in and then he’ll push the boundaries further so he’s completely out of lockdown (I know what he’s like).
Anyone else thrown In the towel with elderly persistent relatives?
It depends. Where are you in the country? In the county I live in we are getting one (detected) case a day or zero new cases with almost a million people. It depends whether he understands the risk and wants to take it.
If he has no issues that mean he is shielding then can he not join your bubble? I’m not in the UK so I haven’t really looked at bubbles in detail, but it sounds like it would be good for him.
I've had to start visiting my Dad and my brother and Sister are too. He needs the company. We're all aware of the risk. I change clothes when I get home.
Im im a similar position with my grandparents. So far havent visited but I know its getting tough for them now.
Relistically OP hes 90. Its very hard at the minute being elderly and living alone, it must be so very lonely. How long sre people going to be sheilding for? At 90 its a lot of your remaining life to be waisting.
I would put a mask on, go to his house. Sit on seperate sofas and just generally take precautions.
We are in Wales so no bubbles here yet. My only concern is that with DH and DS working in factory environments they could bring it home and then We’d pass it to him.
It’s so hard (we are more than 5 miles away too but I’m not bothered about that so much).
Honestly, yes I would.
I know it’s against the rules but equally he has autonomy over his own life to say what risk he is prepared to take.
He’s 90, he’s telling you he needs more stimulation to make his life bearable and he’s willing to risk the virus if it means he can maintain better mental health.
True, statistically he is at a much higher risk of dying from the virus but he is also (sorry to be blunt) at a much higher risk of dying tomorrow from old age.
In your position I would do all I can to make it as safe as possible such as wearing a face covering, sitting next to an open window or having him sit in the back passenger seat of the car. No physical contact unless totally needed and you could wear gloves.
He’s telling you his mental health is suffering now and that is as important as physical well-being.
Although, reading your post back I would probably draw the line at having him stay over, unless you had the space to let him have a bathroom totally separate to the rest of your family.
Seeing him in his home or taking him out in the car would be easier to prevent cross-contamination as far as touching surfaces goes.
Yes, if he wanted me to I honestly would. He's 90 and he's completely right - I would be past caring too. Life is for living and loving.
Yes I would, especially if he has a garden, last night my husband went round to see his dad, picked up fish and chip for him, they both sat in the garden with a bottle of beer and fish and chips made a 85 year old feel happy.
I can see his point and I think I would give in to him. He’s 90. He needs the company. Who knows how long he has left and he doesn’t want to spend it in isolation.
My parents are in their mid eighties and in declining health now. My Dad is also in the highly vulnerable shielding category. They live three hours drive away from me. We’ve already had one serious health problem including hospital admission for my mother (not Covid related). Crisis over after a few hours fortunately, but I then couldn’t banish the thought of what if they don’t have long enough left to see lockdown through?
We followed the guidelines and didn’t visit them, and nor did they expect it. It was very hard for all of us, and if there is another crisis then that will be the end of lockdown as far as I am concerned. It would be my tipping point.
I’m planning on visiting them in the next few weeks once hotels local to them have reopened.
So I would go along with what he wants if you can possibly get away with it, although I know things seem a little different in Wales to what they are here (Essex). Here I don’t think anyone is bothering to police it anymore although most of us still do social distancing.
If only you go into your grandfather's house and the only route to you getting infected is via your DS and your DH, you could potentially have a bit of an early warning system there, ie if you stop seeing your grandfather the moment your DH or DS develop any kind of symptom, you might have a chance to halt visits before you yourself have become infectious. Not a foolproof system by any means, but a bit safer than your DH or DS going into your grandfather's house themselves.
Do your DH and DS always work alongside the same people and do they get on well? If so, might worth them asking their colleagues to alert them if anyone at home has possible Covid-19 symptoms, explaining that you are visiting a 90-year-old and would therefore appreciate having an early warning of a possible route of transmission so that the chain can be broken before it reaches your grandfather.
I agree with others that if your grandfather feels isolation is making life not worth living, it would be better to increase social contact while think about how to reduce the risks.
I would. Talk through the risks with him and see what he says. I'd let him decide.
Old people die of broken hearts and this isolation is incredibly difficult. Disclaimer: I'm not medically trained
Being 90 doesnt mean hes not able to competently assess the risk.
You speak about him as if hes a child.
I wouldn't hesitate to meet with him if he wanted.
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