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Is everyone using grandparents for childcare now?

(95 Posts)
UnicornAndSparkles Sat 13-Jun-20 13:50:00

We've reached our limit. 2 parents juggling working from home and looking after our 2 yr old. Both in professional jobs that require concentration, which is difficult at the best of times, but with a 2 yr old at home constantly for 12 weeks its becoming impossible.

Usually DD goes nursery 3 days a week whilst I work. Nursery is still closed.

Everyone we know is either using their parents (grandparents) or nursery for childcare. Does everyone you know do this?

Are we wrong to consider asking our parents to help us? Both sets live close by but until now we have seen them only twice and maintained social distance. Both sets are in their late 60s/early 70s. We would be so grateful even for just a day of help to enable us to work.

OP’s posts: |
Mostpeculiar Sat 13-Jun-20 13:56:02

I’ve always lived in quite deprived areas where this is prevalent as so many people are working in jobs that are too low paid to pay for childcare plus it’s just the norm of the area historically

UnicornAndSparkles Sat 13-Jun-20 13:58:47

Sorry I should have been more specific: is everyone using grandparents for childcare despite it being against the lockdown rules? Obviously if it's a 1 adult grandparent household they could bubble with you. But what if its 2 grandparents living together and therefore unable to bubble with you and your partner and kids?

OP’s posts: |
Drivingdownthe101 Sat 13-Jun-20 13:59:06

No one I know is (yet), everyone is still struggling through it at the moment.
My mum lives alone so is in our ‘bubble’ now, but she works full time (NHS) so can’t help with childcare anyway.

NiknicK Sat 13-Jun-20 14:00:07

No, but then my DP didn't do babysitting before coronavirus so they aren't going to start now. I'm currently wfh with two dc. Eldest is a teen so he mostly keeps himself entertained, but my youngest ds has autism, and things are pretty difficult right now. DH is working 12 hour shifts so i'm pretty much holding down the fought on my own during the week. If you're happy for your DD to go and your DP are happy to have her then i'd let her go.

Laiste Sat 13-Jun-20 14:08:29

My SIL is gagging to ask MIL and FIL to have her kids for her, but as they are officially shielding she has been, for once, holding back.

For clarity she has form for taking the piss. She bungs them round to PIL at the drop of a hat and for days at a time. MIL is frail and they struggle doing the school run ect. No one usually challenges her, but finally SIL seems to be aware that eyes are on her and DH and the other siblings don't want her using them at the mo. (not saying at all this is what you're doing OP, just saying our family situation).

Risotto4tea Sat 13-Jun-20 14:10:52

I work in a care home. Despite us being key workers school often aren't open enough hours for a 8-8 shift do ppl having been using grandparents all the way thro. Its effectively ur own bubble.

Spied Sat 13-Jun-20 14:17:50

That one day of childcare that you are grateful for could lead to your DD being left without a grandparent and years of turmoil.

I'm sorry, that may be dramatic but the sad reality is that Covid IS dramatic for lots of people and your parents/pils aren't young so it's a big risk.
I'd carry on struggling for a while longer...

Drivingdownthe101 Sat 13-Jun-20 14:18:50

They can assess their own risk though, as they are adults. Do they want to do it?

UnicornAndSparkles Sat 13-Jun-20 14:19:18

Interesting to hear others views.

We've stuck to the rules 100% so I do feel uneasy about even thinking about it.

Neither of our parents have other grandchildren so it would just be our DD. If that is any consideration.

Obviously they may well say no!

OP’s posts: |
Rebelwithallthecause Sat 13-Jun-20 14:19:51

Not yet myself but thinking about asking soon (they have already offered though)

UnicornAndSparkles Sat 13-Jun-20 14:21:35

@Spied I think the risk is low tbh, as we havent been socialising or going anywhere where there are people - shops etc. We live in a rural location and walk in the woods maybe once a week, no one else around. Similarly the parents are doing the same. But yes, I see your point, there is a risk.

OP’s posts: |
Pinkblueberry Sat 13-Jun-20 14:26:20

I use a childminder, DS is back with her now and she was always available as me and DH are key workers, but we were able to work from home and keep him with us at that time. Everyone I know who uses a nursery has been able to send their children back. Why is yours still shut?

RedskyAtnight Sat 13-Jun-20 14:26:36

I don't know anyone that is using grandparents for childcare. They are struggling on by themselves in line with the guidance. I know a few people that have started using nursery since their nurseries have reopened in the last few weeks.

If you are going to do it, I'd stick to using one set - you're increasing the risk the more households you bring into the mix.

RedskyAtnight Sat 13-Jun-20 14:28:49

They can assess their own risk though, as they are adults.

It's not just the risk to themselves they need to assess though - it's the risk that they get it and then spread it to more people. That's why young people with no underlying health conditions had to lock down.

Cherrybakewellard Sat 13-Jun-20 14:37:57

No. I have 3 kids under 8, my DH works full time from home in a very demanding role and I work part time in a care home.
We've been told due to the location and size of our kids school there is a waiting list for places which at current pace would mean only 1 of 3 would be able to get a place in school by Christmas, despite me being a keyworker.
My parents would always normally be our childcare and they're desperate to see the kids again.
But we aren't idiots. I'm not risking my parents futures.
It's hard, it really is but 2 adults to 1 child is not a difficult ratio.
Have you spoken to your employers about flexible working hours?
My DH and I are having to work either longer days or shorter 'bursts' to cover the childcare while the other works.

Cherrybakewellard Sat 13-Jun-20 14:38:24

Posted too soon.
What I was getting to is can you ask your employers about flexible working hours?

DidSheReallySayThat20 Sat 13-Jun-20 14:41:21

Yes I know a a few who have from day 1.
One couple do 4 days a week.. 1 works in care. 1 works in a prison.
They have no choice as neither could furlough nor work from home. Nursery closed.
The parents were happy to as both mid 50s and healthy

Oysterbabe Sat 13-Jun-20 14:45:26

Mine are 2 and 4. We're both WFH. We haven't used them yet and it's been a fucking nightmare. Our nursery is opening in 3 weeks so we are bracing ourselves and carrying on until then.

pastabest Sat 13-Jun-20 14:49:26

Many key workers with young children have been forced to do this all the way through.

NHS, police, social care, food production would have ground to a halt otherwise.

SunbathingDragon Sat 13-Jun-20 14:57:29

No one I know is either. It’ll illegal although I can see nosy neighbours etc might view it differently if your parents are in their 40/50s and very healthy.

We have three children. I do bank shifts for the NHS as well as wfh and DH is wfh. Everyone is finding it difficult right now. It honestly will get worse and much worse at the rate people are breaking the rules.

MindyStClaire Sat 13-Jun-20 14:58:40

We're in the same boat - two full time jobs, two year old, no nursery yet (usually she's in fulltime). We're in NI and have had literally no information about nurseries reopening.

No grandparents nearby so we haven't had to make that decision. I agree the risk is low if you've all been following the rules and no one has any underlying conditions.

We also hit a wall recently - it was just about manageable in the short term, but not any more. We've hired one of the women from nursery to come a few days a week which has been a lifesaver. She comes three days, so we each get four full days of work during the week. We've actually had some evenings and weekend time off.

Nicknacky Sat 13-Jun-20 15:04:27

I’m using my dad as childcare now that we are both out the home working. And it’s within the guidelines in scotland anyway.

My dads usually working himself so hopefully he will be off until my annual leave in July then I will work something else out later.

snowone Sat 13-Jun-20 15:04:45

No we aren't using our parents - we are having to used school and nursery instead as we are both key workers. Luckily I'm only part time. Up to last week I was trying to juggle a 5 year old and a 14 month old and work 2.5 days.

Maranello4 Sat 13-Jun-20 15:10:34

Nope! We both work full time usually in Canary Wharf and are sharing home schooling between us. Our parents don’t live near enough to home school and even if they did I wouldn’t ask them as it’s a lot to take on.

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