Nursery and risk to grandparents

[TroubleNo1]

Just wanted to get some opinions......

I have 2 DD of 2 and 4.

We've obviously been isolating and probably more than most - as in we've literally not been to a shop since lockdown, relying on deliveries and wiping everything down - in the hope that when lockdown was lifted we could safely see my parents.

Parents are late 60's and my mum does have some compromised health in that she had meningitis twice due to - in layman's terms - a couple of holes in the membrane of her brain which were subsequently operated on. Following the meningitis she has a mild auto immune condition which should be resolved with time, it's not a forever thing and she takes minimal steroids for it. She never got an isolation letter.

I took my kids out of nursery 3 weeks before lockdown as we would rather see them (they live 5 mins away) and we see them almost daily if not every other day. They have been, until lockdown, part of our daily lives and great extra childcare and as a couple to me and husband, great company and best friends to us.

My husband did work in town full time and I am freelance, however we are both in the events industry so work has been non existent since Covid so we've been managing fine as a team with the kids in lockdown and quite honestly it's a time we have cherished and loved as a family. We are lucky.

However, my husband is now working almost full time again at home and I am struggling to provide the stimulation that friends and nursery provide for the kids and struggling on my own with total lack of any head space/housework/cooking. There is a lot of TV watching which I have mum guilt about. They are happy and healthy but I do feel really lonely and scratching my head as to how to give them what other faces, friends and interaction can provide.

We are now seeing my parents, outside, but it is very difficult for social distancing with them and the kids. They are too young, especially the youngest to get it and also my parents just really don't care and want to hug and touch, much like many other older people I have heard of among friends. They literally cried when they saw the kids for the first time since lockdown and I've only seen my dad cry once In my life when his mum died. We are covid free as we've been so stringent so we can see them safely.

However, I'm wondering, is the risk in the kids going to nursery now (3 x days, 6 hours a day) then a massive risk with my parents? We'd choose my parents over nursery every time.

Am I being too paranoid not to send them back for their benefit of social interaction and my own of being able to clean the house/cook etc?

After what we went through with my mum I just don't want to risk another traumatic event for us. We've also had a few other traumatic health events the last few years so I do have a mild health anxiety with my family.

I think I've answered my own question. But the thought of sending them back to nursery for theirs and my benefit is so tempting. It's just my parents I am worried about.

Yes - send back
No - you're and idiot for even asking

[Curlysusie]

I'm afraid only you can decide. We're all deciding on our individual situations and only you know what you will feel comfortable with. Mine have really enjoyed being at nursery and it has done them good, however, when we are allowed in to grandparents house again I'm not sure if we'll feel happy with it and using them for childcare. We didn't really have choice te nursery though as couldn't work at home. Hope you can find an answer you're happy with x

[SarahMused]

Presumably your parents are well informed and able to decide what risks they are prepared to take? I would talk to them and see how they would feel if you were to send your children back to nursery. Then make your decision. The risks of coming across someone infectious are much lower now but they still exist.

[ListeningQuietly]

What is the risk IN YOUR AREA?
www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/healthandsocialcare/causesofdeath/articles/deathsinvolvingcovid19interactivemap/2020-06-12?fbclid=IwAR1mfNGzSBSey4tZ3uum5opl4mrMk7feFzcYsO7Th7TRLadkhgCLBJ7DHCc

[TroubleNo1]

My parents don't care and think I should send them back. However, they were not the one in hospital when the crash team were called to revive my mum and I was. It's a few years ago but we were told to prep for the worst. So I have some anxiety issues with regards to the health of my family which include other things with one of my DD (who are not now at risk at all)!

[TroubleNo1]

And also thanks for replying. I know it can only be our decision. I am just seeking all other opinions and insights. X

[ListeningQuietly]

My mother has said
what is the point of being alive and healthy if you cannot hug anybody
she is right

[Bol87]

Tough one. My mum is shielding so that made the decision easier for me. I did debate keeping us isolated in the hope we could see mum at some point but in the end decided not too. My daughter needs some socialisation with kids her own age (she has a brand new baby sister) & some focused early education! I cannot tell you the difference it’s made to our lives! I’ll never take nursery for granted again! My DD is back to the happy, reasonable little girl she was before lockdown. The awful tantrums have stopped & she’s being really kind to her baby sister 🥰 I enjoy 3 days calm, one on one time with my new baby. It’s helped with bonding so much! And the 4 days at home with both DD’s, I’m refreshed, I’ve got activities planned, I’m not stressed & I’m 100% a better parent! 🙈

I think it depends what’s important to your family. If my parents had been healthy & could have been a source of childcare, I’d have seriously considered not sending DD to nursery.. but then again, we can only meet outside so I think nursery would still have won out!

Can you send them back for now? I don’t recon we’ll be able to see people indoors for a while yet (although pure guess work), so could your kids enjoy a month/two months of nursery & then pull them back out? You could isolate for a couple weeks and then see your parents worry free!

[Bol87]

*that makes me sound like I see my parents as childcare 🙈 I don’t, I miss them terribly as does my elder DD but I won’t deny they are a godsend when it comes to needing a breather etc! They’ve only held their new grandchild once very briefly 12 weeks ago 😭

[Cuddling57]

Sending them back to nursery sounds like it would do you and them some good.
If I did that I would still see parents outside but keep distance - definitely no hugging or touching the same stuff.
You sound like a lovely family.

[TroubleNo1]

I don't know how to tag Bol87 or anyone else sorry, but you don't sound like that and I agree they are a godsend, those of us who are lucky enough to have parents nearby to help. As I am freelance my work is so unpredictable so I do rely on my parents a lot to supplement nursery..... but at the moment no work so this is a different circumstance.

[TroubleNo1]

Thank you Cuddling57 you made me well up with your comment. We are a very lucky and fortunate family which makes it lovely!

[Sunshinegirl82]

My mum is on her own and so we are forming a bubble after tomorrow. My mum is well but 74 so technically vulnerable.

Mine are now at nursery/the childminder. There is a risk there but on balance I think it’s best for everyone. Community infection is very low now and nursery has made such a difference to DS1’s happiness that I’m so glad we decided to send him back.

My dad died suddenly 2 years ago and so a part of me thinks life is just to short and unpredictable for mum to miss out on seeing her grandchildren any longer. Life is about more than just not being dead.

There will still be some risk but life is full of risk. I think for us it’s worth it, but I don’t think there is one right answer for everyone.