Daughter/her dad/new baby/mixing of households

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Didn't know quite how to phrase the title! My daughter has not seen her dad in the last 11 weeks. My husband is shielding and we made the decision for the kids not to travel between households. Same applied to his kids and they have been with their mum, although they are due to stay with us next week.

My exes new partner is having a baby this week and my daughter was due to go down to stay with them next week for one or two nights to see her dad and the baby. But I just found out that he's gone to pick up his exes mother who is going to be staying with them.

I'm really not comfortable with them mixing households and my daughter being exposed to this and then coming back to stay with us. But if I say she can't go it will be deemed as me trying to stop her from seeing her dad and the baby. I really don't know what to do.

Would you let her go?

[DownWhichOfLate]

How old is your daughter?

[TinyPigeon]

She hasn't seen her dad for nearly three months? That's a long time. If you value their relationship I would let her go.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

She's nearly 17. She hasn't been at all bothered about not seeing him as they don't have a very good relationship. So it's not like it's been an issue for her. She has openly said that the only reason she now wants to go is to see the new baby.

[DownWhichOfLate]

At that age surely she understands the risks? I’d let her decide. Could she just go to visit and not stay or is it too far to travel?

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

I imagine the mother in law has been keeping herself to herself too? Unless she’s likely been exposed to it (supermarket worker etc) in which case I’d be surprised at her being invited to come and stay with a newborn, everyone involved sounds very low risk. We’re starting to come back out of lockdown now and people are going to have to start taking some small risks for life to get back to normal. As long as everyone is still washing hands regularly and being conscious of general hygiene, as I’m sure they will be with the new baby, it’s pretty low risk. Definitely don’t stop her going - that could cause all manner of resentment, just make sure she’s double diligent when she gets back, just in case.

[MRex]

What @MarkRuffaloCrumble said, yes. The MIL will be here for a newborn, very low risk.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

It's too far to travel for just a visit really, and he won't pick her up for just a visit he insists she stays over. I can't drop her off as I don't even know where he lives since he moved in with his partner.

[Windyatthebeach]

Presumably nobody is worried about the newborn?
At 17 your dd can decide for herself surely? Is she looking forward to her new sibling?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Of course she can decide for herself but given we have followed the rules to the letter for 11 weeks as my husband is shielding, the point is that it also exposes us as a household and that makes me nervous. I'm maybe being too cautious but it's hard to go from the way we've been living to exposing ourselves to other households.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Sorry for the drip feed but just to update: I said she could go but trying to arrange it has turned into such a performance. He is emotionally abusive and wants it all his own way. It all ended in tears and her saying she doesn't want to go now. He hasn't seen her in 11 weeks but he has managed to fuck his relationship up with her to such an extent that she's just not interested any more. It's very sad.

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

Aw your poor DD. Way to fuck things up XH! TBH it might be better for your DD to meet her half sibling without the MIL and everyone being there too. Hope the ex manages to find his humanity in there somewhere and sort this out for your DD.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Yep he is destroying their relationship and he can't see it. He's an arse, and unfortunately I don't think he will change.