This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
PILs putting pressure on us to break lockdown(13 Posts)
My PILs have been breaking lockdown for weeks. Their daughter, son in law and their 3 month old baby visit them at their house nearly every day. They maintain this is fine because they’re only seeing them and not going into any shops etc. Issue is, my SIL is also seeing HER in laws, who are also seeing their other child, husband and kids. So there are multiple households mixing now. I really disagree with this but it’s none of my business. They live 3.5hrs drive away; we don’t have a car.
Recently they’ve been piling the pressure on my DH to visit them. He’s been doing all the childcare for our toddler as his work his more flexible than mine (I’m pregnant and wfh, he’s self-employed and workload gone down massively due to covid). They’re offering to come and get us all and drive us to theirs and help with childcare. DH is very tempted as he’s exhausted.
I’ve said no way directly to them twice now but they’ve kept pressuring DH and saying he could come with our son and leave me behind. I’m absolutely furious - there is no way I want to be parted from my 2 year old and have him exposed to covid. Obviously this is partly a DH problem (to be fair he has backed me to them 100%, it’s only in private to me he’s started saying it might be ok after all).
They say everyone where they live (Yorkshire) is doing it and it’s cruel that we’re depriving them of seeing their grandchild.
Don’t know what I’m asking really - just want some reassurance I’m not being unreasonable!
Just tell them it won't be forever, that 80% of transmission occurs within households and this lockdown will all be worthless if everyone breaks the rules. If everyone else in Yorkshire is doing it then it's more important others stick to the rules to counteract those that don't. Also your baby not theirs they have had their babies your choice, your decision, you top trump them on this everytime.
Would he have to stay overnight? Unless your pil are touching or having close contact in the house they aren't breaking any of the guidance. People can meet with up to groups of 6 and yes different groups on different days.
Are you worried about your DH or DC catching it is it just about missing them if they went up and down in a day. Is your DH old/diabetic/obese or in some other at risk group? What does he want to do/think?
No you're not being unreasonable. You're pregnant so vulnerable. Husband and toddler could bring it back with them.
3.5 hours away is just too far at the moment. Are they really okay to drive 7 hours in one day? I think it would be better to wait a bit.
And everyone in Yorkshire is certainly not flouting the guidelines.
Sorry I wasn’t clear - they want to come and collect us (/just DH and Ds) and have them stay in their house for an extended period.
They are breaking lockdown now because their daughter and son in law are coming into their house and they’re all hanging out with the baby and not maintaining any kind of social distance. Same with their other visitors. There are pics of the baby being held by multiple family members inside peoples houses all over their insta. It’s like they think the rules don’t apply to them!
It's really just up to you and your DH to come to a joint decision and tell them.
It really doesn't matter what some people on here think of your PIL. You need to stand by your own convictions. It's time for people to decide for themselves really.
My own PIL have been shielding scrupulously for the last 10 weeks. MIL is at risk. Literally they've not left the house. But yesterday MIL announced they are bored shitless and they're coming up to ours today (2 hour drive)
We are very much NOT a safe house. We have a DC going to primary school bubbles and 2 other adults in the house working, one in an environment which isn't safe (Drs surgery with very little SD in their cramped communal spaces). PIL know this. But they're adults and it's their decision. So they're coming today and we're going to sit in our coats on the patio
shivering but DD is definitely going to end up getting too close because she's young and excited and they'll end up wanting to come in at some point 'cos it's cold .....
@hettie they'll obviously need physical contact if minding a 2 year old. It's impossible not to
@hettie it’s not for a day, it’s for a stay. I guess for a week or two. They haven’t maintained social distancing with the people they’ve been seeing, nor have the people they’ve been seeing maintained it with others.
DH isn’t in a vulnerable group and neither is DS but I am pregnant and I don’t want to have to self isolate from my own child in my own house in case either of them have caught it while they’re up there.
The arguments over who's right or wrong are not relevant. You wish to protect yourself and your family and you're pregnant. Get this clear in your own minds and get yourselves on the same page and then say no.
When they argue say - it's not up for discussion.
When they persist change the subject or end the conversation.
You are not being remotely unreasonable, the trick is that you have to behave in such a way that tells them that you know you're doing the right thing for you. Which you are. Have confidence, Harriet.
Just to say that 'everyone in Yorkshire' are not flouting they rules. The latest figures actually show the region has one of the lowest R rates in the country.
YANBU. Your DH may be exhausted but all he is actually doing is co-parenting. He has less work to do so picking up the childcare. It will hopefully make him realise how much you do.
As for your manipulative ILS, just keep saying no. If everyone in Yorkshire is doing it that is all the more reason not to do it.
Join the discussion
Please login first.