Difference of opinion - What to do

[Wilberforce1]

What do you do when you and you're dh have completely different opinions on the virus and lockdown easing? I have quite bad health anxiety so this whole thing has been awful for me, I've barely left the house and dh has done all of the shopping etc. I've stuck to lockdown 100% blah blah blah.

So anyway now it seems to be easing a bit dh keeps telling me we need to "get back to normal" but I don't think we do unless it's within the guidelines. I sent the kids back to school on Monday they are doing 3 days a week and that was a massive thing for me but I had to do it for them. This seems to have been his green light for us to get back to normal.

He wants his two kids and their partners to come over for takeaway tomorrow night (they are 22 and 25) but I've said no because the rules are garden only and the weather is going to be shit. They haven't been sticking to lockdown or social distancing too much and both were in friends houses last weekend. His daughter has now been on the phone crying that she isn't allowed over and it's all my fault 🙄 It's his birthday on the 20th and he wants a bbq with a few friends and their wives but there will be about 12 of us and if the weather turns I can't tell them they can't come in the house? Our friends have invited us over Sunday and have said if the weather is rubbish then they will cook and the kids can play but obviously all inside, he has said yes to this but I don't want to go.

As far as I'm concerned lockdown isn't over but for him it's all done and if we catch Covid then so be it (I'm a bit fat so I'm worried about catching it as well).

Am I overreacting? Do I just stand my ground or do I give in? I can see so many arguments happening.

[NuffSaidSam]

I think you follow the government guidance, so for the moment you are 100% right.

Has he been taking part in clap for carers or the Captain Tom appeal or anything like that?

[Voice0fReason]

No you're not over-reacting.
The rules are there for a reason.
Adult children can suck it up - just like the rest of us.

[Wilberforce1]

@NuffSaidSam he donated to Cpt Tom and has been out for a clap here and there but mostly I go out with the kids.

Glad to hear the first couple of replies aren't telling me I'm being neurotic!

[Mischance]

Of course you are not being neurotic. You are following the rules, not just for your own safety, but also that of others.

I hate to say this, but there does seem to be a bit of a macho thing around - all the people I know who have been casual about the rules are men. What is that about?

[NuffSaidSam]

Use his Captain Tom donation to highlight his hypocrisy. If a 100 year old man can do that for the NHS, your DH can miss a bloody barbecue and a dinner party for the NHS. We're are still in a pandemic, we need to maintain reasonable levels of social distancing.

[twinnywinny14]

Tell him to grow up and wake up. The rules are there for a reason. Tbh if he doesn’t respect your views and doesn’t support your anxiety then he’s not much of a husband I would want to be with. You are definitely not over reacting on this, the rules are thee and you are operating within them, it’s him who is wrong here

[Bol87]

I fall pretty on the side of us all needing to use common sense & evaluate/mitigate risk but I don’t think life should just return to normal. My kids gone back to nursery & I’ve allowed her to play with a friend outside. I go to the supermarket. I’ve had a couple friends and family members round in the garden last weekend. No more than 6 & socially distanced. I’ll continue to predominantly follow the guidance using an air of common sense in some areas.

I don’t think we should be socialising inside even if the weather is shit. As for having 12 people in your garden, well, I don’t see the harm if you have a big garden & you can all spread out & keep apart. But I doubt most people can accommodate 12 people 2m apart from each other!

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, health anxiety or not. He’s blatantly flouting all rules. There is using a bit of common sense & then there is just being quite selfish!

[strugglingwithdeciding]

We all have different risk factors but you are following the guidelines and are being reasonable
If you were breaking them in other ways but then not willing to do for his kids then he would have a point but your not so therefore , tell him they can come round in garden when the weather is better and you want to follow the rules ,as your not comfortable with breaking them and does he realise it's now law not to go in others houses . Tabby

[strugglingwithdeciding]

** tabby should be Yanbu not sure why my phone changed if ??

[NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite]

Stick to your guns. Why does he want to go from 100% compliance with the rules to the total opposite? It's madness.

[Summer135]

No you are not overreacting at all. Stick to your guns. You are doing what we have all being told I've had my parents in the garden and far away from y children and I. I am desperate for them to come and give them a cuddle but we are doing as we have been told. And they are even more desperate do cuddle their grandchildren.

You are doing the right thing.

Anyone can get this virus. Stick to your guns xx

[TillyTheTiger]

You're not overreacting. The rules are mostly clear - 6 people max, outside only, socially distanced at all times. He can arrange to see his family and friends within those parameters.

[Wilberforce1]

Thanks everyone you have made me feel ok about standing my ground now, I just needed someone else to tell me I wasn't being too crazy about it all. I seem to be surrounded by people who are getting back to normal and I don't know how to handle it!!

@TillyTheTiger I said last weekend we should meet his daughter and her boyfriend for a nice long walk as that would only be 6 of us but she didn't want to because they were going to a bbq so it's not like they haven't had the opportunity.

I'm just saying no!

[Catsmother1]

See 6 people one day and six another, outside. We have bought a cheap shelter on amazon (like a tent roof - no sides or ends) so my daughter can still see her partner if it rains. You would need two or three if you have six visitors though - but if he is desperate to have people over then it would be worth it.

[MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet]

It's not just a difference of opinion here though, is it? One of you wishes to abide by the guidelines, and one of you wishes to break the law. I think that's the critical point!!

If he wanted to break the law with regards to other matters, would you go along with it?