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Starting to hit a dark place

(10 Posts)
Thewheelsonthebus23 Mon 01-Jun-20 17:26:12

Having a really bad day today.

We go out with my 19 month old everyday as we don’t have much of a garden unfortunately. He had a complete melt down today, which he does regularly when we’re out at the moment, which makes the whole thing an extremely stressful experience.
He always wants to go where he shouldn’t or in the opposite direction we need to go and when we try and direct him back the way we need to be, he inevitably has a screaming fit. Today was one of those days.
It then ends up on me and my partner having an argument because we’re both so stressed at the moment.

I don’t see any end to this lockdown either. I know we’re allowed to meet outside in groups of 6, but we still need to social distance and two, my situation is that my family live at least 4 hours away by car, so if we were to meet up, one of us would have to stay overnight and it’s currently ‘illegal’ to stay at another household. I know this is all for the good of the country, but I’m so fed up, with no real end in sight.
No children’s playgrounds open, no soft play centres open, no playgroups or toddler groups open. We still have a holiday in the UK booked end of July which I’m very hopeful about will still go ahead, but I bet it won’t.

Sorry, but I just feel really sad and lonely at the moment. I haven’t seen my mum in the flesh since February and my Dad since Christmas. I keep thinking it might be next Christmas before I see them again.
They’re desperate to see their only grandson.

We have been on socially distanced walks with my in laws, but despite seeing them very often since he was first born, and them looking after him once a week while I was working, he seemed very apprehensive and almost uninterested around them. We thought we’d have to grab him, as we pictured him climbing onto his grandma’s lap for a cuddle, but he didn’t even want to go near her. It’s really upsetting. I knew it would be odd not seeing them in 10 weeks in person, but I’m now really anxious about his social and emotional development and that the lovely relationship he once had with his grandparents seems to have gone.

The dark thoughts are coming back lately.

OP’s posts: |
NuffSaidSam Mon 01-Jun-20 17:37:53

It's extremely difficult for everyone at the moment, but 19 months is a particularly hard age so don't worry that you're struggling. You really need all the playgroups and stuff when they're that age!

Don't worry about the tantrums either, that's all normal! Frustrating, but normal. As is the constant wanting to go in the wrong direction.

Pick your battles, let him go where he wants as much as possible, try and choose somewhere he can toddle about. Don't try and go on a particular walk with him because he won't want to follow your route and it will just cause stress. When you do decide enough is enough, just put him in the buggy, try and ignore the tantrum, we've all been there. I find giving a snack when it's time to be back in the buggy often helps.

EsmaeDe Mon 01-Jun-20 17:40:10

Hi Hun
It’s hard with little ones, but it gets easier, I promise. We all have bad and good days and so do our bubbas. Take them as they come and know there’s a new day tomorrow.I hope you’re okay x

PasserbyEffect Mon 01-Jun-20 17:46:22

Very sorry to hear you feel that way. You sound anxious and depressed.
The world we live in is currently very frustrating and confusing, so having bad days is not unexpected.
It's obvious you care a lot for your son. Looking after a toddler is hard (they're so contrary!)
Maybe it would help if you could talk to your GP/health visitor/local children's centre about the way you currently feel?

upthewolves Mon 01-Jun-20 18:16:17

I remember that stage between one and two when they are walking but don't really get going "for a walk". Always had lovely visions of when my baby started walking, like we would be strolling hand in hand. In reality they are a nightmare aren't they, just want to do their own thing. At least, that's how both of mine were!

That side of things really does get easier once they get past 2 as they at least understand the concept of walking the same direction and why.

As for the grandparents, I understand.i haven't seen my mum since October and my dad since January. My in-laws drove over to see us at the weekend for the first time since Feb. We are used to not seeing grandparents often. My four year old always runs for cuddles no longer how long it's been. My 2.5 year old is always a bit reticent. I think because the absence is a longer chunk of their life so their memories aren't as well formed. It doesn't mean the relationship is damaged in any way, they just need to warm up to them again each time. It's even harder when you're social distancing as they are picking up on that strangeness.
This will pass. They will find their relationship again, absolutely. My kids were born in Australia and we only came back once a year until the eldest was 3. They are really close to their grandparents.
I hear you about the parks though. I'd love an afternoon at softplay and never thought I'd say that 😁

frozendaisy Mon 01-Jun-20 18:32:24

Parks aren't open but trees can still be climbed or get a bottle of bubbles all kids love bubbles then he can chase when out and perhaps defuse the tantrums. This will pass.

PasserbyEffect Mon 01-Jun-20 19:04:00

A Mum with kids in another thread has just admitted going to her parents for support. If things spiral out of control, remember you do have that option.

Thewheelsonthebus23 Mon 01-Jun-20 19:10:24

Thanks everyone.
It’s hard for me to get help from my parents due to the distance. We’d have to stay over or they’d have to stay with us.

This morning I realised it’s 9 years to the day of my nan’s funeral and my other Nan would have turned 95 next month. She died 3 years ago.
I miss them both so much, I’ve been sitting here crying and feeling so sad.

OP’s posts: |
upthewolves Tue 02-Jun-20 11:32:20

Ah I'm sorry OP. My grandmother would have been 100 last week, she died last year. I'm actually really happy she didn't have to live through this time as she wouldn't have coped with the isolation. I think this time makes us sad about all kinds of things.

It will end though. You will tell your DS stories of this time one day.

SnuggyBuggy Tue 02-Jun-20 11:35:23

I'm in a similar situation and hate it. The school holidays when groups stopped were bad enough but we could still go to the park or see friends. This is just stressful and miserable.

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