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Those who have close knit families

(7 Posts)
SteeplechaseEva Sun 31-May-20 07:44:44

How are you managing? I've always had tea and cake with my mum 2 or 3 times a week, and the whole family spends most Sundays together in alternating houses. I know there is a lot of hardship right now and I'm being a bit selfish, but I'm starting to feel really down. At the beginning I naively thought that after a few weeks we would be able to resume a normal social life, but now it seems like even Christmas will probably be spent bloody social distancing in our own houses. I've got a 3 month old daughter, the first baby in the family for 25 years. And none of my relatives can enjoy her. She will probably be walking and talking before my family get to know her or can have a cuddle, and it breaks my heart. I don't want shops and pubs, I want my family back. Sorry for the self indulgent post, I just needed to vent really.

OP’s posts: |
Waxonwaxoff0 Sun 31-May-20 08:19:45

Me. It's been really difficult. I've been for walks with my mum from a distance but it's been really hard not seeing my grandad while he is shielding. We have a family WhatsApp group to chat but it's not the same.

frillyfucks Sun 31-May-20 08:24:04

I also have a three month daughter and a toddler, it has been hard.

Three weeks ago DH and I had a long discussion about how down I was feeling and how I was struggling day to day (he works long hours, I felt I was failing to look after both the children etc etc)

We agreed that as both of our parents had been isolating (as had we) all are retired in their mid 50s and all are fit and healthy, we would open our family unit to include them, and so we have been seeing them regularly ever since. I know it's against the rules but as it isn't increasing anyone's risk of infection it seemed sensible for my mental wellbeing.

I think at this point you need to make your own risk assessment and do what works for you.

PumpkinsMum18 Sun 31-May-20 09:47:38

I’m in the same position, my daughter is 3 months. My parents first grandchild. It has been very hard and I sympathise ❤️

SociallyDistanced2020 Sun 31-May-20 09:58:21

I would love to have had tea and cake and walks with my mum but she's been dead over 3 years now (died when my DC was a baby), was ill and mobility restricted for years beforehand and if she were still alive now would be in the shielded category anyway. I can still miss that for a lot longer than 10 weeks my life with her was restricted. My Dad is still with us (80) but has a number of health conditions and so is isolating as much as possible. He is waiting for a number of health procedures which won't happen anytime soon now. Forget tea and cake with him, if he could just have those done his life would improve immeasurably and I would worry a lot less about him.

My grandparents all died before I was born or while I was very small. You can still miss what you never had.l though and feel sad about.
I have friends in their 40s like me who still have both parents and some grandparents alive and all healthy. Lucky buggers.

frillyfucks, how do you conclude that seeing your family regularly doesnt raise the risk for anyone? It's against the rules as you've said yourself. Are you related to Dominic Cummings? And do you understand what would happen to the R rate if everyone did what you are doing?

Camomila Sun 31-May-20 10:02:23

I'm similarly close to my parents, I'm guessing you must live quite close?
Me and the DC are planning to spend the rest of the summer in mums back garden (DH will drop us off at 9 and pick us up at lunchtime) If you haven't got gardens you could go for walks/picnics round the park? Its not a hug but at least its something.

frillyfucks Sun 31-May-20 12:18:17

@SociallyDistanced2020 we are farmers, our closest neighbours are 3 miles away. We haven't been out of the house since lockdown, I get an online shop every fortnight and we are fortunate enough to exercise on the farm without leaving the place.

My parents are also farmers, again having online shopping delivered, so mum has been driving to us and staying a couple of nights at a time.

Tell me, how is that a risk to anyone at all, honestly? It's "against the rules" but 100% safe. I look at the photos of durdle door this morning and refuse to accept that I am being anything other than reasonable.

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