Talk

Advanced search

Any other shielded people having a rough time.

(157 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

BanKittenHeels Sat 30-May-20 10:56:09

I have now been in the house for 80 days on the advice of my rheumatologist. I then received my shielding letter with the first wave.
I am grateful to have my children with me but my husband is medical, so has been living in a hotel since March. Which is good because he had Covid - thankfully he is now ok.

I had a letter not too long ago to tell me the date for shielding was extended until 30th June but speaking to both my rheumatologist and my respiratory consultant and being a HCP myself, it looks likely I’ll be shielded until the end of the year.

I’m really low, really, really low.
I’m not coping at all.
Social media and the press are full of people almost celebrating, as if this is somehow the end and here we are, just rotting.

And we’re not doing this to save our lives. We are doing this so that other people who are more likely to survive have beds and access to treatment.

No one gives a shit.

OP’s posts: |
Bluemoooon Sat 30-May-20 10:58:27

Yes, I have a friend in your position. She had to isolate for many months last year during her chemotherapy and has found this new arrangement very hard, she has her DH with her but soon she will be alone again. Very sad.

DinghyCalledDignity Sat 30-May-20 11:05:39

Shielding is supposed to protect you, don't know why you think it's to protect other people healthier than you. It's advice you don't have to take if you don't want to.

scaevola Sat 30-May-20 11:11:39

"Shielding is supposed to protect you, don't know why you think it's to protect other people healthier than you"

She thinks that because it is.

If the 2.million people who are shielding fall ill, then NHS is definitely overwhelmed.

Yes, it also protects the individual, but unless you wanted to see beds filled with people who would be hospitalised for weeks in end, it is most definitely in everyone's interests

BanKittenHeels Sat 30-May-20 11:13:08

don't know why you think it's to protect other people healthier than you.

I’m actually sitting on the floor laughing at that.

You think the sole purpose of shielding is to protect the shielded? It’s to protect the NHS.
Keep those most at danger from requiring treatment away from it and you free up the beds for others who have a chance.

OP’s posts: |
SauvignonBlanche Sat 30-May-20 11:17:53

DinghyCalledDignity

Shielding is supposed to protect you, don't know why you think it's to protect other people healthier than you. It's advice you don't have to take if you don't want to.

I wholly disagree with that, DH, who is shielding would love to go out but won’t because he know that if he gets it he’ll undoubtedly need an ITU bed and he sees that as selfish.

I may not agree with him but I think it’s an opinion that many shielded people share, they are being kept in to protect the healthy by stopping ventilator capacity from being overwhelmed.

AdoreTheBeach Sat 30-May-20 11:19:09

OP, I’m sorry for the situation you’re in.

Remember, you are shielding so your health isn’t compromised. It was the general population in Lockdown to slow the spread, keep the curve down to preserve the NHS from over load and thus save lives - as well as the lives of vulnerable and shielding.

Shielding is what you’re doing to protect yourself from catching it. I’m sure it’s horrible. My dear, dear friend and her husband are shielding their daughter - so they haven’t left their home since the start. Deliveries to the gate at the end of their driveway, once drivers are gone, they move item into the garage for a few days until brought into the house. No one can visit. The daughter (in her 20’s) is terrified of catching it. She won’t let anyone even chat a distance apart in the driveway or through the hedges from the street to their property. They’re at each other’s throats almost on a daily basis now. Yet none of them leave for some space or even a walk so they can support their daughter. They gave other adult children who they cannot see. It’s crap. It’s horrible. But they feel they need to do this to support their daughter so she isn’t alone in this. They know it’ll be months, possibly a year or so, maybe more. But they don’t blame anyone else for following the relaxed rules or even just being able to go out to the shops wearing a mask. Knowing they’re doing this for their daughter enables them to tolerate it. Perhaps if you accept you’re shielding for your own health will help make it a tad more tolerable as opposed to feeling aggrieved by those going out and about in their own business.

Wishing you well during this horrible time.

freddiethegreat Sat 30-May-20 11:19:12

Is there anything you can do that will help your mental health within the limits of where you feel safe? Order more plants for the garden? A new book/audiobook? A Zoom call with a friend or counsellor? Special event (date night) at home? Xx

freddiethegreat Sat 30-May-20 11:19:25

Apologies for xx!

Egghead68 Sat 30-May-20 11:22:02

Hi - yes I have been shielding since March 11. It’s grim and my body has totally changed from the lack of exercise (not helped by contracting long-tail coronavirus just before I locked down), snacking and lack of sunlight.

I didn’t get the 30 June letter but saw this on the website.

Communication has been extremely poor and confusing.

There has been little effort to make thus easier for us. In other countries, for example, there are set times when only shielding people are allowed outside for walks.

We are not doing this for our own benefit solely - it is also to protect the NHS from the cost/resources of managing us if we became seriously ill and so that the rest of the population can have a less stringent lockdown.

Of course we arguably wouldn’t be having to do thus for very long at all if the government had handled the situation competently as in e.g. New Zealand.

Chin up OP. You are not alone. I am tempted to say sarcastically “just do some sudoku and rearrange your furniture so you can see out of the window” in the manner of the lovely patronising text messages we have all received. Instead I recommend chocolate, gin and something trashy on Netflix as distraction and taking it one day at a time.

The way we have been put out of sight and out of mind is disgusting.

BanKittenHeels Sat 30-May-20 11:25:51

Perhaps if you accept you’re shielding for your own health will help make it a tad more tolerable as opposed to feeling aggrieved by those going out and about in their own business.

I can’t even tell you what I want to reply to that because I’ll get banned.

OP’s posts: |
Bagelsandbrie Sat 30-May-20 11:26:35

I am supposed to be shielding. I have the letter etc. I also have a disabled child who can’t be stuck in the house all the time (autism and learning disabilities) so I’ve been taking him out for walks. We just drive somewhere remote - you’re allowed to do this now- and walk there. Is there any chance you can do this? Just to get out of the house? The letter isn’t legally binding. You don’t have to literally stay at home 24/7 if you don’t want to - it’s advisory. You can negotiate your own risks. My mental health and the mental health of my son would suffer if we stayed at home non stop.

Egghead68 Sat 30-May-20 11:28:03

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Egghead68 Sat 30-May-20 11:28:29

Fuck not duck, just to be clear

BanKittenHeels Sat 30-May-20 11:37:35

You can negotiate your own risks

I can indeed, I have to be resuscitated for a “regular” URTI, my body is unlikely to survive covid and I have kids.
I can’t go out.

I’m still entitled to be broken by it all.

I might just pop over to that thread, thanks Egghead.

OP’s posts: |
YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan Sat 30-May-20 11:50:55

Yes I'm struggling with it. I worked full time and had hobbies outside the house. I'm single and the lack of human contact with people is really hard.

Also seriously worried about money. I didn't get furloughed so had to go onto benefits and I've lost 65% of my income. I can't afford to pay my essential living costs when the mortgage holiday ends.

Egghead68 Sat 30-May-20 11:53:51

I’ve lost most of my income too. It is shit.

Bagelsandbrie Sat 30-May-20 12:04:45

@BanKittenHeels I have kids too, two of them. One of them with complex needs. I have such rare life threatening conditions that only in 100,000 people have one of the conditions I have - yet alone the combination of them. I’m not saying this to be some sort of shielding top trumps, I’m saying that I get it, I really do. It’s shit yes but if you can get out somewhere that you’re unlikely to be close to anyone else the risk is extremely, very low and you have to balance staying in 24/7 with your own mental health needs. That’s all I’m saying. You sound very low and I feel sorry for you. It’s a horrible situation to be in and that’s why I can’t shield. My mental health would be finished.

ClientQ Sat 30-May-20 12:30:30

I'm shielding and I get it. People say it's for your own health and fine yes, I don't want to be unwell
But when I'm sat working and can see families, children, BBQs, people having a lovely time out the window and I've been home alone since the 18th March.. you can understand how frustrating/soul destroying it is. I don't have a clue what supermarkets are like, what's been done in my neighbourhood, anything new etc etc, it's like living in a bubble
I just want a hug from someone

Anyway having thought it through I am escaping tonight, to the beach. V quiet beach and going late. I can get out the car on to the beach and back in without touching anything and there's generally nobody there. Find the sea really relaxing so I'm going for it

Bol87 Sat 30-May-20 12:34:04

My mum is shielding & really struggling. As is my Dad who is shielding as well to protect my mum. If anything, I think it’s harder on him as he’s not unwell & could be living a ‘normal’ coronavirus life.

Their biggest struggle is not seeing their grandchildren. They saw my elder daughter multiple times a week & it’s breaking their hearts to not even be able to go for a walk with her or see her in the garden. And I had my second daughter 10 weeks ago who they’ve only met by me standing at the end of their driveway (and Skype etc).

Recently, her & Dad have been going out for drives & having a picnic in the car! We live surrounded by some lovely countryside & they just find a scenic spot & park up! She also gets up at 6am (to take medication) & goes off for a walk round the residential streets. She says she rarely sees anyone & if she does, there’s no traffic so she simply moves into or crosses the road. I also go & sit at one of their drive and she the other & we have a natter at least once a week. I feel that’s my mums choice and isn't putting her at any risk!

Would you feel comfortable doing any of that OP?

It’s so so awful for everyone shielding. You have my biggest sympathies. I hope & pray for a vaccine and/or therapeutics that consistently work 🙏🏼

ssd Sat 30-May-20 12:46:24

My friend is shielding one of her 2 teens, whilst the other teen is champing at the bit to get out.
It's an awful situation and I don't know how to advise her. The healthier teen is starting to get depressed but worried about going out now. The shielded teen feels scared and guilty.

TheHobbitMum Sat 30-May-20 12:49:53

I'm. Having a hard time lately, I shwikded from the start and it seems never ending sad I hate the feeling that my independence has been taken away.
I wish the govt would hurry up and update the advice, I feel as though we've been forgotten about. I expect there to be an extension beyond 30th June but until its announced I'm partly holding out hope that this may end soon

79Fleur Sat 30-May-20 12:59:04

We are shielding as a family due to my partners rare pulmonary condition, we have a four year old.
It’s hard but we do it so we can have him around a bit longer his condition is life limiting as it is.
We do play in the garden and street when it’s quiet and we have gone for drives and whilst it is hard to see everyone going about their business with some normality I want all of you who are not vulnerable to go out and actually get it because if herd immunity works that’s the only way we will get any level of safety barring a vaccine - effective treatment.
I am actually more worried about what we will do in terms of schooling for our child come September when they are due to start reception...How this will work safely I do not know.
I desperately want this situation to go away we both work full time and working whilst looking after a youngster is exhausting and some days impossible.
The mental health fall out from this situation is going to be huge and will probably remain underfunded.
I try not to give it all too much head space or I would go insane ..on a lighter note we are saving buckets from lack of nursery fees / petrol ...random purchases etc...so it will be an epic holiday and numerous Spa days /bottomless lunches when lockdown is over for us.

atilathehut Sat 30-May-20 13:21:00

I really feel for you but I don't see what else could be done? Life has to get back to normal at some stage and those without life threatening conditions are able to be the first to do so. You said yourself if you get it you will likely die. You can make a choice not to shield if you wish but ultimately if you want to stay healthy that's what you need to do. Whilst it must be hard, you can't resent others for celebrating life getting back to normal - hopefully yours will be soon too

MilesJuppIsMyBitch Sat 30-May-20 13:31:00

OP, I'm shielding and feel just as you do.

Do pop over to the chat thread Egghead linked to. It's really helpful to be with people who get it.

No-one there will tell you how you should view this, or tick you off for feeling aggrieved, ffs.

Come and having a bloody good whinge.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »