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AIBU not to see any family?

(32 Posts)
Lou0808 Thu 28-May-20 21:02:42

I have a 15 week old baby, and family are so desperate to see her again, as most have only seen her one or two times before lock down.

Now the seeing family in gardens has been allowed, we’ve had a few family members already ask us.

The issue is I’m in the high risk category (not shielding)

Im 34 and have mild asthma. I did go for a long time without any inhalers at all, but decided to start taking them at the start of the pandemic to ensure it was properly controlled.

I suffer with anxiety and I don’t know if I’m just letting the anxiety beat me; or if my worries about my risks are justified.

I’m know the risk for people being seriously ill my age are low, but that’s without any underlying health conditions.

I have asthma, therefore an underlying health condition.

I don’t know what to do for the best, but I am frightened not sure I feel safe seeing anyone right now sad

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EveryoneLoves09876 Thu 28-May-20 21:04:04

Of course yanbu. Take your time. Maybe put things off for a bit and see how you feel later. Any reasonable people would get it. flowers

RoscoePColtrane Thu 28-May-20 21:07:31

It is absolutely your choice, but I would not consider mild asthma that does not require an inhaler generally to be a high risk category.

Lou0808 Thu 28-May-20 21:11:24

*It is absolutely your choice, but I would not consider mild asthma that does not require an inhaler generally to be a high risk category*

RoscoePColtrane, I am taking a preventer inhaler now, I became really worried about it not being under control so started to take them again.

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Realitea Thu 28-May-20 21:13:49

Just because we can do more now doesn’t mean we have to. Don’t feel like you have to do anything especially as it could make you more anxious anyway.
My mum is the same, she said she’d rather wait. I don’t mind at all. I think she’s probably right to

Owwlie Thu 28-May-20 21:14:49

YANBU, I‘be got a 6 week old than no one has met yet. We aren’t going to be seeing any family for another few weeks at least, we want to see whether cases rise before they do as my dad manages a care home. I’m sure everyone’s going to be disappointed but you have to decide what level of risk you’re comfortable with.

Wheelerdeeler Thu 28-May-20 21:15:16

You are not high risk.

Diverseduvet Thu 28-May-20 21:16:23

It's totally up to you. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Why don't you try it out with one person and see how it feels?

Lou0808 Thu 28-May-20 21:17:36

*You are not high risk*

Wheelerdeeler that’s not what the NHS website says.

I’m not in the very at risk category, but asthma comes under the high risk.

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EarlGreywithLemon Thu 28-May-20 21:19:33

Totally with you OP. I also have mild asthma and a congenital heart defect and I’m being incredibly careful.

Lovely1a2b3c Thu 28-May-20 21:22:22

Hi OP,

It's okay not to meet your family if you don't want to.

I don't think people in their 30s with mild asthma (I have it too) are at greater risk.

userxx Thu 28-May-20 21:22:53

Mild asthma isn't high risk. Sounds like your anxiety is taking over, if you don't want to meet up with people then you don't have to. Maybe try and ease yourself back in slowly.

PurpleDaisies Thu 28-May-20 21:23:51

The NHS website seems to say you’re at moderate risk, not high risk. That might help with your anxiety levels?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/people-at-higher-risk-from-coronavirus/whos-at-higher-risk-from-coronavirus/

Bol87 Thu 28-May-20 21:25:47

I have mild asthma. My doctor said I’m not at risk at all. I can live life as everyone else. In fact, even severe asthma has been removed from the shielding list.

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/27/phone-texts-notify-cancer-transplant-and-asthma-patients-they-are-off-shielding-list

Lou0808 Thu 28-May-20 21:29:02

I’m not sure if this makes a difference but I also have inflammatory arthritis.
I know it’s not in a list anywhere but I worry about this making me “unhealthy”

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manicinsomniac Thu 28-May-20 21:29:47

It's totally up to you to set boundaries you feel comfortable with but I think you'd be making yourself uneccessarily miserable not to socialise outside at a distance.

I wouldn't be handing your baby over for cuddles or inviting them into the house or anything. But outside at 2m the risk is negligible.

grumpyorange Thu 28-May-20 21:33:13

Could you not see family from the window?

choirmumoftwo Thu 28-May-20 21:37:15

Do you take immunosuppressives for your arthritis?

howdidwegetheremary Thu 28-May-20 21:38:12

I won’t been seeing any family yet OP. One of my DC needs an inhaler if they get a slight cold so I won’t be in any rush just yet.

As others have said, just because you can does not mean you have to.

Rubyscute Thu 28-May-20 21:50:20

YANBU. It doesn't really matter if you are at mild or moderate or no risk at all. If it doesn't feel right to you, just say no. Honestly, even under normal circumstances people can be a bit pushy about visiting when you have a newborn. There was no pandemic going on when my baby was a newborn but I wish I'd have told people to just stay away til I was ready. One relative kissed the baby on the mouth, one deliberately woke her up and I kept having to leave the room to go bf in the bedroom. I was so stressed out. Just tell them to stay away. It's bad enough having visitors you're not comfortable with..under the current circumstances, definitely just say no. Too stressful and not worth the risk.

MsHeffaPiglet Thu 28-May-20 21:54:06

You need to start easing yourself back into some semblance of a normal life OP. Otherwise your anxiety will only get worse.

I have asthma and know what it is like to be breathless on occasion. I'm a lot older than you and have other reasons to put me at higher risk. But I go out once a week to the shops and this week saw very close family members separately and social distancing.

You and your baby will be fine. Your family and friends only want to see the baby, so just lay down the rules. Make it as short a time as you want. See them in the park as that way you can leave when you have had enough.

For your own mental health, you have to start getting out and about within the guidelines. Believe me, you will so much better for it. smile

PurpleDaisies Thu 28-May-20 21:55:54

Have you spoken to your gp recently about your anxiety? That seems to be at the heart of this here. flowers

Lou0808 Thu 28-May-20 21:56:57

*Do you take immunosuppressives for your arthritis?*

choirmumoftwo, not at the minute.

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Lou0808 Thu 28-May-20 21:58:27

I definitely feel like it would be good for me to start getting out, but I’m also worried that this could add to my anxiety around catching covid.

Kind of a vicious cycle really.

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Lou0808 Thu 28-May-20 22:00:00

*Have you spoken to your gp recently about your anxiety? That seems to be at the heart of this here. flowers*

@PurpleDaisies yes I’ve been referred for some talking therapy.

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