I have a beautiful 15 week old baby girl.
I suffer with health anxiety and struggled during pregnancy. However with support I was able to manage.
The pandemic has really started to take its toll on me.
I know as a new mum there will be some element of post natal anxiety / depression involved in what I’m feeling, but I just don’t know how much of what I am feeling is “normal”.
I’m a bit of a mess. Most days I’m in absolute panic mode.
Panicking about my health, my daughters health or my husbands health.
I have asthma (not on the shielding list) and I worry that my chances of survival with Covid are very slim.
I panic so much about feeling ill that I make myself physically sick with worry.
It’s not just Covid I worry about.
I was reading an article a few weeks ago about mastitis and how it can lead to sepsis.
Now I am absolutely petrified that I’m going to develop this and end up in hospital.
Which means I will then catch Covid.
I’m that scared I’ve even considered stopping breastfeeding. Which is something I really don’t want to do 😔
I can’t stop checking myself for any sign of illness and I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s driving me insane.
I feel like I’m never present in the moment and it really upsets me.
I play with my daughter and her smile just brings me so much joy, but inside I can’t stop thinking about death and worrying about illness.
I try to distract myself but I just physically can’t switch off.
I feel like I’m always on high alert.
My husband has been furloughed for the last 10 weeks and has been home with us, I feel like this time together has been ruined by my anxiety, and constant panic.
I see people who are starting to resume some form of “normal” life. But for me I really don’t feel that will ever happen.
I’m just so petrified.
I’ve spoken to the Dr who has recommended some counselling and I’ve now self referred for some CBT.
I don’t know why I’m writing this post, I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest and for someone to tell me that my feelings will go away?
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Covid
Is this my life?
18 replies
Lou0808 · 26/05/2020 21:22
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