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Is anyone else reluctant to send their dc to school, not because of the virus, but for fear of being judged?

(108 Posts)
Fluffyglitterystuff Fri 22-May-20 12:18:41

One of my dc is in the year group to go back to school on 1st June.

I'm happy with the plans that the school have put in place. For various personal reasons I believe that going back will be beneficial for my child.

Although the school plans are in place and on the whole quite positive, there is definitely a slight undertone of trying to put people off. They've said that they're not expecting many in at first.

I'm still not sure that the June opening will even go ahead from government and I suspect it all might get delayed, but if it does I wonder if those who are first back will forever be viewed as terrible people who don't care about children or teachers.

OP’s posts: |
DahliaDay Fri 22-May-20 12:21:56

Yes I would think there will be judgement

Human nature

Oxyiz Fri 22-May-20 12:23:47

You might look like the braver, sensible or more practical ones TBH - or just someone who didn't have a choice.

But its parenting and it seems everyone judges everyone no matter what so all you can do is whatever you think is right grin

BillywilliamV Fri 22-May-20 12:28:02

My daughter will be first in the queue because I believe the risks to her mental health and her education heavily outweigh the risks to her physical health or the health of any non- vunerable teacher...Judge Away!

ZiggeryZaggy Fri 22-May-20 12:29:13

I feel a bit that like already - for sending my children while I work as a key worker. My children love it and I need to be at work.

However, seeing all the Facebook posts - especially from local teachers, about how school will not be “normal” for your children if they go back, and implying that you are putting their lives - and others - at risk was upsetting as it really feels you are being discouraged from sending them. I’m worried about being judged - I even worry that the teachers are judging me when I drop off in the morning!

So, I can imagine how you might feel. I’d be sending mine back full time if they were in the correct years, based on my own analysis of the risks, and weighing up the benefits.

I work for a service that involves face to face, sometimes very close work, with vulnerable people. Yes, I can put a mask on - but that certainly doesn’t reduce all risk and I sometimes don’t wear one anyway because it triggers people and makes the situation worse.

Of course I worry, but I would never be posting all over Facebook , discouraging people from using our service and saying they were putting me and my family at risk by attending apts! Or judging people who want to use the service for using it.

That is how the attitudes seem to be about schools at the moment though.

DahliaDay Fri 22-May-20 12:31:39

I would worry more about the kid being judged and eventually treated differently than myself tbh

What if your kid picks up on it and worries?

PrivateD00r Fri 22-May-20 12:36:17

I definitely feel like that, some of the posts on here have been shocking. I continue to send mine for childcare and will be doing so for as long as they will take them. You have to do what is right for your family.

A lovely poster even recently wrote that people like me are prioritising childcare over my childrens lives because I cannot be bothered to parent my own children.

You will need a thick skin I am afraid op!

Mintjulia Fri 22-May-20 12:50:49

Why care what other people think. How are they relevant?

I’m a good loving dedicated mum and my ds will be first in the queue.

okiedokieme Fri 22-May-20 12:53:18

They would have stayed in school throughout (I was offered a key worker place by the council) but unfortunately the university closed anyway grin

Acdmm41 Fri 22-May-20 13:02:18

I have generally found that the amount you care what others think directly relates to how happy you are and apply this to all areas of my life. If you and yours are happy with the decision it's really no one else's business, it really grates on me that people seem to think they are entitled to an opinion on something that is nothing to do with them, and this isn't restricted to CV.

ILikeyourHairyHands Fri 22-May-20 13:07:16

They can judge away. I shall be oblivious to it.

Keepdistance Fri 22-May-20 13:14:05

No i think it just reflects you may be a younger fitter parent not in the vulnerable category nor your dc.

I think this may create more judging unfortunately because
Decisions impact other people
Teachers
Hcp
Anyone including KW catchimg it from kids.

But for all people know you and dc may have already had covid so possibly not a risk to people.

Lots of variables

Savannah1978 Fri 22-May-20 13:17:15

Everyone needs to stop judging and let people just get on with the right choice for their child and their family. The risks are low and nobody should be criticised for making a logical risk assessment.

rc22 Fri 22-May-20 13:21:48

I am a teacher and don't feel that schools should reopen on the 1st June. However, if they do (or when they do), the decision to send children back on not is entire down to the parents. I won't be judging anyone for their decision either way.

RaisinsRuinEverything Fri 22-May-20 13:22:00

None of their business!
If those people are keeping their children off they won’t know who is sending theirs in.

roarfeckingroar Fri 22-May-20 13:22:24

People will always judge you for something when you have kids.

Do not damage their education to avoid the judgment of idiots.

rc22 Fri 22-May-20 13:23:03

Sorry about the typos in there - not good from a teacher!!

custodiandiscount Fri 22-May-20 13:23:25

The people who are judging often seem to think we can all hide at home for the next 2 years until a magic vaccine makes it all go away.

Ignore them and do what is best for your children based on your informed assessment of the risks and benefits involved.

iVampire Fri 22-May-20 13:28:01

If I was in normal health, and if my DC was in a year group that was returning. I’d be sending them in

I think it’s OK for those where there are health vulnerabilities to wait for opening Round Two, to avoid any initial problems (if indeed there are any) because the consequences could be considerably worse for them, so I wouldn’t judge people in those circs for not returning when schools first re-open

ooooohbetty Fri 22-May-20 13:30:05

Who cares about what other people think. My grandchild is an only child. It seems that only children have been forgotten about during all this. They've been completely isolated from other children for all this time. She'll be back at school as soon as the school will let her but all the info received from the school seems to indicate they are making it as difficult as possible for parents.

Spied Fri 22-May-20 13:30:43

Yes, there's an undercurrent of trying to put parents off sending their DC at our primary school.
I will be sending my DC but I fully expect to be judged.
I hope the teachers aren't emitting negative vibes. I went to pick up a work pack and my dd's teacher was manning the office.
He was huffing and puffing around the office like Kevin the teenager and made it obvious how much he didn't want to be there.
My DC wereshock.

BeakyFace Fri 22-May-20 13:35:08

Please ignore anyone judging you for wanting to send your child back to school. It's none of their business. I am so sick of the constant judgements about every single thing that anyone says or does. It's exhausting and tiring.

If you need to work then it's fine to send them back.
If you don't need to work but you have decided that it's safe for them to return to school then that's fine too.
If you think their mental health is suffering or they need to be socialising with other people/children then that's fine.
If you are exhausted/about to have a breakdown/can't cope anymore and need the children back at school because you can't do this anymore then that's fine too...or any other number of reasons.

The point is that it doesn't matter why you are sending your dc back to school when they open to the other year groups. It's your decision based on your own reasons and anyone who disagrees can piss off.

Quibblewibble Fri 22-May-20 13:37:25

After a lot of discussion we are sending our daughter back she is in reception. She is desperate to to go back, there is only going to be 10 in her class and I would rather she she started in a small class than a big class. There will always be criticism of parents choices I think each family has to do what's right for them.

Fluffyglitterystuff Fri 22-May-20 13:43:25

Really good replies here. Worrying what people think is definitely a downfall of mine.

I think very often as parent you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Good point about the ones not sending their dc back won't know anyway because they won't be there!

OP’s posts: |
cazinge Fri 22-May-20 13:45:44

I am worried...DS is going back to nursery 1 June. I actually go on mat leave for DC2 who is due mid June later that week and DP is on furlough until some time in July. So we have no childcare need for him to attend at all.

He used to go 3 full days but we have (as always planned) dropped this to 2 half days.

The reasons he will be going are:
- I believe it will do him good to spend time with other children
- I struggled massively with BF when he was born, I want some time 121 with the baby when I can concentrate on this
- I am having a c section so will be physically limited
- He loves nursery and will thrive being back there
- I would like him to go back before the baby is born so he doesn't feel pushed out
- I don't feel the current situation is good for his development. In any other time, if a 2 year old was kept isolated at home and only taken out for daily walks, no interaction outside the household this would be cause for concern. I get it's crazy times but it's not sustainable long term
- DP is not cut out to be a SAHP, neither of us are, and DP is getting anxious / depressed not being at work which has a knock on impact on DS

I am happy with what nursery has put in place.

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