I'm really starting to struggle.

[Falafellygood]

I've been okay up until now but in the last week, I've really started to struggle.

I have a 3 year old with autism (diagnosed) and global development delay, and non verbal. I have have a 12 month old. I've never had a problem with DS and yet now, he's having constant meltdowns and hitting out. He has never been fussed on his sister but she's constantly pestering him now. I'm struggling to keep them separate. If I try to do anything with with DS, my daughter screams until she's involved. She's also going through speration anxiety so wants to be held constantly. It all feels impossible when I'm trying to get my son to do an activity and engage at all. DH is working from home and under a ton of stress. He's working into his lunch break and often later.

I can't take the kids for a walk on my own so DS is sometimes reluctant which makes it difficult while trying to push a buggy as well.

I NEED time to myself, always have done, but I'm not getting any. If I go for a walk, I take DD in order to give my son a break from his sister.

I no longer want to get out of bed as it's one endless struggle of dealing with kids, changing nappies, clear up mess, laundry, dealing with tantrums and meltdowns. The house is a tip, despite what feels like endless tidying.

We used to go out a lot and my mum had DD at least once a week. Plus my son had started school so there were times when I had flexibility of just one kid or we could go to the park so DS could run in a enclosed space.

And now it's just day after day of shit and no break. My mental health is in the gutter. Weve had a crappy year, we were just starting to get back on an even keel and then lockdown happened. I've been trying to take it day by day, be thankful for the small things, etc. But it's all gone to shit. And it's effecting DS in a big way. No understands. No one gets it.

I had a panic attack in the middle of the night. First one in years.

I get that people have it a lot worse and I have a lot to be grateful for but I don't know how to cope anymore.

[Falafellygood]

Anyone?

[110APiccadilly]

If your mum is not vulnerable, could she take your DD for a walk while you go for a different walk by yourself? You could meet her outdoors, which would be very low risk.

[110APiccadilly]

Also, if your DS has an EHCP I think he should be entitled to a school place. Might be worth speaking to the school about it. Even if he doesn't have an EHCP I personally might try speaking to the school just in case - the worst they can do is say no. It would mean more mingling with other children, but if all of you are otherwise healthy, the risk to you from CV19 is extremely small. Right now, it sounds like you need to prioritise your mental health over that small risk.

[Falafellygood]

@110A
Thank you. No my mum isn't vulnerable but works in a supermarket so highly exposed. She's actually desperate to see the grandkids but I'll only see her from afar even when I go to collect food from her.
I've spoken to the school but they can't do anything as DS hasn't got a EHCP yet (it's in the process). I'm just stuck and feels like no way out.

[Playdonut]

Do you have any local friends or family that are not in the vulnerable categories? It is legal to meet up for caring, and it sounds like you need some care. You sound like you are doing amazingly. I am in a much easier situation than you and I haven't stopped moaning, crying and generally carrying on. I wish there was something more helpful i could say xxxxx

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

Could get some sort of carrier for your dd? That way she gets to be attached but you also have hands free for your ds?
Does she still nap? If so I'd try and focus on engaging ds when she's down.
What time do they go to bed? Could you go for a walk/run or have a long bath then?
Phone your GP and/or your health visitor.

My mental health has crashed, I nearly ended up sectioned a fortnight ago so I completely sympathise. Mine are almost 2 and 5, the 2 year old wants to be attached all the time apart from when she's fighting her brother. It's hellish.

[KindleAndCake]

Firstly, you are doing amazing. I know how hard it is, I have 2 on the autistic spectrum, and it is HARD. Only do what you need to do, I've been doing the bare minimum just to get through. I go to sleep at night and wish the morning wouldn't come round. It's a constant battle. I have no wise words, but want you to know you're not alone.