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My elderly grandmother is really struggling and I don’t know what to do.

(7 Posts)
Blennyfish Sat 16-May-20 10:53:07

My grandmother is 94 and been isolating since mid March. She lives alone and relies on a once a week family food drop off with a 10 minute chat from the end of the driveway.

She lives alone but has access to a phone so will chat to friends and family daily. She’s slow on her legs but up until lockdown had been used to going to various clubs and a weekly trip to town on the bus.

Since lockdown she’s slowed up even more due to lack of exercise, she can sit out her garden but is gradually getting lower and lower in mood due to lack of company and the loneliness of not having human company.

She doesn’t want to come and stay with us - any member of the family able to take her has someone who works out of the home so she couldn’t be shielded. She’s desperate for visitors and will ask daily if it’s allowed to have someone come in her home and sit at either end of the room. We’ve all said no at the moment as none of us want to be that person that’s brought the virus into her home.

We could go and sit in the garden I guess but I live an hour away and if I need the loo whilst there I’ll need to go in the house. We are also in Wales so unlimited travel is frowned upon.

I know there’s no easy answer to this but I’m beginning to think this is no life for her, she’s also starting to get prepared to ‘take her chances’ with it - she wants to go to the supermarket and sit on a bench whilst we shop as she can then chat to someone.

I feel so sad for her, it’s torture. Is anyone else in the same position, what did you do?

OP’s posts: |
ragged Sat 16-May-20 11:32:29

Not same position, but my elderly parents finally got fed up & went to stay with some family. (not mine, they live thousands of miles from me) They're only human. There better not be any pandemic situation like covid when I'm in my 90s bc I will do WeverTF I like about visiting people at that point.

MRex Sat 16-May-20 11:38:18

I think you'll have to go and sit in the garden, it sounds like she really needs you and that'll be safer than the supermarket. Get her to leave the toilet window open before you go. There are ways to be really safe; take hand gel and gel your hands before going in to the toilet, wear a mask the whole time you're in the house, an alcohol spray for the seat and taps too (wipe with kitchen roll and take the tissue with you to bin it ).

ScribblingMilly Sat 16-May-20 11:39:21

Definitely go and sit in the garden at least, make it regular and as special as you can while being meticulous about the 2m. Sanitizer after you've left your car & before you go in. Clean the loo, tap, doorhandles etc if you use them. My friend, who still works, goes to see his very elderly father and they keep miles away from each other. He would go downhill fast if he didn't.

Orangeblossom78 Sat 16-May-20 11:48:23

Yes my dad is feeling a bit like this and he is in Scotland so they are not allowed even visits outside 2m away, it is rubbish. I'm not nearby but my siblings are and he wants to meet up outside for a walk with him.

he does go out for walks though and I ring him but hoping things will change there soon

sunnyday1976 Sat 16-May-20 12:08:23

I went to see my 92 year old Grandma yesterday. I sat about 8m away from each other in the garden. She's completely on her own after being very socially active with clubs etc before lockdown, and is struggling. She needs to see people. I do live about 10 minutes away though, so the toilet thing wasn't an issue.

slartibarti Sat 16-May-20 12:09:08

I don't know the rules in Wales but surely you'd be allowed to visit a vulnerable person as long as social distancing followed? You'd also be caring for her mental health and carers are able to visit people.
If you were stopped by the police and explained the situation I can't imagine they'd tell you to go back home.

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