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Will you be sending your child into nursery in June?

(40 Posts)
YakkityYakYakYak Fri 15-May-20 09:41:47

Sorry if this topic has already been done to death.

DD (11 months) was supposed to be starting nursery last month; that was obviously postponed. They’ve left a voicemail for me to call them today to schedule settling in sessions for when they open in June. I’m so torn about whether I want to send her in.

DH and I have both been working from home since beginning April in fairly senior roles. It’s so stressful trying to do my job with her around, most of my time is spent in virtual meetings trying to talk and play with her, feed her, etc at the same time. She’s happy enough but it can’t be massively stimulating for her. So it would be a massive relief to be able to send her to nursery, get on with our jobs and then be able to properly focus on her on my days off. And I’m hoping that it would be good for her to have a couple of days a week where she can be properly entertained.

But it just feels slightly terrifying to send my child out into the world when I’m still working from home and locked down in the house all day. I feel like I’ve lost all perspective on what the risk actually is.

It would be useful to know what other parents in similar situations are thinking.

OP’s posts: |
cheekybekky Fri 15-May-20 09:44:51

We're sending our DD but then me and DP are both frontline workers, so the relative increase risk to our family isn't that big. I work in A&E so I feel I am WAY more likely to bring covid into our house than my DD is from going to nursery. However it would be a big relative increase in risk for your household which is otherwise self contained- so I wouldn't.

TrustTheGeneGenie Fri 15-May-20 09:47:55

I am. But I've seen how they're managing the guidelines and they're not social distancing with the kids and I'm happy with it.

Ds hasn't seen another child in 7 weeks and he's struggling. He also starts school in September so I think it's wise to get him back into some kind of routine.

kittlesticks Fri 15-May-20 14:41:40

I don't think I will send my children until they can be with other family. I'm not currently working (mat leave) so think I will leave it until July when I'm due back at work and the youngest will start nursery.

I can't explain how angry it's made me that they are happy to send children to nursery but not to allow families to meet up. Surely the risk to my parents would be lower at the moment than in the days and weeks after the kids have both been to nursery.

We don't have any shielded family members and I'm not trying to work from home - I think if I was trying to work from home I would send them both there as the doors opened. Can't imagine the stress of trying to work like this. If I had a shielded family member I really don't know what I would do about kids going to nursery. What a nightmare.

If they allow family groups to meet from June I will probably have a couple of weeks re introducing the kids to their grandparents before I send them to nursery.

Pertella Fri 15-May-20 14:44:57

Yes, if the rates of infection dont skyrocket between now and then.

ChippityDoDa Fri 15-May-20 14:47:20

There is very little risk to you or your daughter (assuming neither of you have any health conditions.) My doctor friend sent me this, it really helps you to understand the risk for different sections of society.

As the poster above says though.., her going does raise potential issues about seeing other relatives.

My three year old will be through that preschool door as soon as they open.

Sunshinegirl82 Fri 15-May-20 14:47:56

My 3 year old will go back as soon as the nurseries re open. My 12 month old is due to start with a childminder in early June and that will go ahead as planned all being well.

I’m reasonably comfortable that the risks are proportionate at the moment. I feel that my 12 month old particularly is more at risk from hurting himself whilst DH and I try desperately to keep all the plates spinning than he is from being at the childminders.

YakkityYakYakYak Fri 15-May-20 15:00:08

@kittlesticks yes I’m also finding it really frustrating that I can send her to nursery but she can’t see her grandparents. The plan was for her to be 2 days per week at nursery and 2 days per week with MIL. I’d feel much better about just starting to send her to MIL in June and holding off on nursery but obviously that’s not allowed. It feels like the wrong way around.

OP’s posts: |
mindutopia Fri 15-May-20 15:03:52

Yes, I'll be sending mine who is 2. I'll still have my school age one at home, but it will mean I can actually focus on work. Dh is self-employed, so has to be out of the house working, which means it's been me, trying to work full-time, with 2 dc at home (very different ages and needs, so they are never both content at once).

But nursery is a very different to me going to work. It's a small nursery and I can't imagine they will have more than 10 children in on any given day. That's very different from me on a train and then the tube and then in my office (which is attached to several busy clinics). I'm more likely to get ill at work than from dc at nursery and I don't think he's at much risk there himself anyway.

YakkityYakYakYak Fri 15-May-20 15:12:39

@ChippityDoDa thanks for sharing that link, it really helps to put the risk to her in perspective

OP’s posts: |
Pertella Fri 15-May-20 15:18:40

feel that my 12 month old particularly is more at risk from hurting himself whilst DH and I try desperately to keep all the plates spinning than he is from being at the childminders.

I feel similar, the lack of attention, socialisation and being stuck in the same 4 walls whilst we try to work and homeschool a 7 yr old day in day out is more of a concern to us atm. Even 1 day a week would be beneficial to her wellbeing imo.

AnotherEmma Fri 15-May-20 15:27:23

"The plan was for her to be 2 days per week at nursery and 2 days per week with MIL. I’d feel much better about just starting to send her to MIL in June and holding off on nursery but obviously that’s not allowed. It feels like the wrong way around."

If MIL (and others in her household) is social distancing, doesn't have a job putting her at risk, and is not in a "vulnerable" category, just use MIL.

We all need to apply some common sense. Clearly it's lower risk to use a family member (provided above conditions are met) than it is to use a nursery.

FWIW, I'm planning to send DS to nursery from 1st June. Have mixed feelings because I'm pregnant, but I'm confident the risk is relatively low. If I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't hesitate at all. If any of us had any health conditions that actually increased the risk, then we may be more cautious.

If I had a local family member who was healthy, available and trustworthy for childcare, I wouldn't hesitate to use them.

KellyHall Fri 15-May-20 15:39:28

My dd is 3, she'd been in nursery from when she was 7 months old, until lockdown started at the end of March. DH is furloughed so dd has been at home with him because him being home means dd doesn't NEED to go to nursery although I'm a key worker so she could still go. She really misses nursery and is a very sociable little girl. We're thinking of sending her back for a couple of mornings a week from June but it's really difficult, I'm vulnerable so am working from home and have hardly left the house since March but I know she wants to go and from a mental health/development point of view it'll do her good confused

kittlesticks Fri 15-May-20 15:44:39

@AnotherEmma I completely get what you're saying there but how does that work with the guidance that we shouldn't mix households or use grandparents as childcare?
I previously had an arrangement that my son was looked after by my parents one day a week to help with the costs of nursery fees. I would love to go back to that but surely that's against the guidance or rules or whatever we are being told.

MinorArcana Fri 15-May-20 15:47:47

DC3 was going to school nursery before lockdown.

We had a message from the school today saying that the school nursery would remain closed for now.
TBH I’m relieved we don’t have to make a decision about whether or not to send DC3 in, given how impossible it would be to maintain social distancing in a nursery.

AnotherEmma Fri 15-May-20 15:48:43

"how does that work with the guidance that we shouldn't mix households or use grandparents as childcare"

I haven't read anything that says we shouldn't use family for childcare - I thought it was people in vulnerable category ie 70+ or health conditions.

But whatever the guidance says, I believe we have to apply it with common sense.

A lot of people are very black and white about everything, taking it all very literally etc, but I am a stronger believer in using our own brains.

This is not a common view in the current hysterical climate!

londongirl12 Fri 15-May-20 15:54:34

My sons nursery is only opening up again to the school leaver age, so he won't be going. But if he could go, I would send him. He's missing all his normal activities, but he doesn't understand why (he's 2), and his development is suffering. Partner and I are both in emergency services so feel we have more a risk being at work than him being at nursery.

whatswithtodaytoday Fri 15-May-20 15:54:43

My 14 month old won't be yet. I want to see the infection rates dropping and see what effect sending primary children to school has before I feel it's safe. We are both wfh four days a week, it's really hard but we're just about coping. I would rather just plough on and hope things improve, than send him and then have the worry of him or is getting ill.

And given that when he started nursery in January he got every illness going (and so did I), I really can't cope with him getting a high temperature every other week and having to self isolate as a family for 14 days!

user1471523870 Fri 15-May-20 15:55:59

My son will be back to nursery when they will confirm they will reopen. He is 1,5 year old and sooo active and curious. He used to love nursery (he's been attending since he was a baby) and will just have so many more stimulating activities. Possibly even a more balanced diet ha ha. We also both work full time in high demanding jobs and it's just crazy. As much as I love spending this time with my little one, he needs social interaction, stimulation and we are happy to take the risk.
By the way, ours is a super small nursery and it's local (5 minutes down the road).

Bol87 Fri 15-May-20 15:59:08

Yep. I can’t wait to send my 3 year old back! I’d pay triple the fees quite frankly!

Infection rate is pretty low where we are & I can’t say I’m worried about the virus itself as we are all young & no health conditions. Obviously, there is a risk we could be unlucky and get more seriously ill but that’s the same with any illness. The impact this is all having on my daughters mental health is huge & shes 3. Shes becoming anxious, upset & worried about everything. She needs some normality & socialisation. When balanced up against the minuscule risk to children, I’m picking her mental health.

Our nursery are proposing very sensible measures. It’s a full reopen, parents allowed in the building but not into the rooms. There’ll be no PPE or specific distancing other than children will remain in their dedicated room & dedicated garden area all day (handily for our nursery, each room has its own totally separate garden). Children will also be taken in small groups to the local woods & walks around the local farm tracks. These groups will remain the same children each time.

I don’t expect my child to socially distance all day & our nursery have made it clear that if they open, they won’t either. They’ll just do their best. And that’s more than OK for me!

MrsTravers Fri 15-May-20 16:02:52

I'm sending mine, but he's four and is completely missing out whilst I focus on his older siblings. If I were you I would - I always think there is a reason they are so sweet between 1 and 2 - it's to counteract how full on they are!!! They are very active and even if you watch them constantly, prone to all sorts, so I wouldn't want to try to work at the same time.

I am presuming the reason it's nursery before relatives is that there's seen to be a wider benefit - not everyone has family available to offer childcare. I appreciate not everyone uses nursery, but there is the option. There is also the benefit to children socially, particularly when preparing for school.

I was also interested to hear the Deputy CMO comment the other day that it might be difficult to relax rules for family locally for those who still can't see family as they are far away. I thought that showed great empathy for people like myself, whose parents are hundreds of miles away but no less missed for that, either by me or their grandchildren. I am unlikely to see them for many weeks yet.

PonderTweek Fri 15-May-20 17:23:49

I'm not. Mine is 3 and would benefit from social interaction with other kids and nursery teachers, but June is too soon. I'm not satisfied that it is safe for us as I'm vulnerable, and I want to see what the infection numbers are doing before deciding whether he should be going back or not. We've been told that we can "think about it" for 5 weeks after the nursery opens, so we don't need to decide now, which is great.

I think it would be a different story if our circumstances were different. My child is generally happy at home, I'm not working at the moment and my husband is working from home so we are lucky to be able to keep him home for a bit and just see how it goes.

QueenOfCatan Fri 15-May-20 18:58:00

We're trying to find childcare for September and have been told by everybody we were already on waiting lists for (I work term time only but started my job in January so family were caring for the kids until they got a childcare space) that we won't be able to get a space for a long while now as so many of their families are being put on waiting lists as they're having to cut numbers to socially distance, but most of their families aren't going back until July at least.

I'm really torn as we ideally need childcare again asap as husband and I are working from home, I don't really want to send them to a setting with so many other households mixing even if we could get the two spaces and my Mum would be our only option unless we hire a nanny, but it seems ridiculous that we're allowed to hire a nanny (even now actually! childminders and nannies allowed to care for one household as of Wednesday just gone) but we're not supposed to have a mostly healthy 50-something grandparent come round and care for the kids. Unless I hire her as a nanny hmm

AnotherEmma Fri 15-May-20 19:01:02

"childminders and nannies allowed to care for one household as of Wednesday"

This is why I think it would be fine to use family, provided family not in a vulnerable group there is no difference in terms of risk.

MaryShelley1818 Fri 15-May-20 19:22:23

I'm not sending DS back in June. We are both working from home (I'm 3 days a week) and managing. He's a totally chilled out little boy (almost 2.5) and happy just being at home with us. I'm on less pay due to not receiving expenses currently and just can't justify paying for nursery while we're both at home.
Like others I'd far rather him be able to visit and spend time with my mam and mother in law who he usually spends a day each a week with.

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