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To feel envious of my parents about impact of covid

(45 Posts)
Napqueen1234 Thu 14-May-20 13:17:52

I feel they aren’t being affected anywhere near as much as us and our generation generally.

Both my parents still work (early 60s) jobs stable and not affected by Covid. Live in a large house with huge garden (benefitted hugely from rises in property prices over the years). Can now meet and golf with friends. Will still be able to afford holidays in future even if much more expensive.

We have two young children (one 6mo) and I have quite bad PND not least due to the lockdown/whole situation. On mat leave and struggling in small house with yard entertaining them. Likely to be huge recession which could affect us (DH works in construction) and also likely stop us being able to move to a larger house or extend any time soon.

They keep saying be positive and we will get through it and I just feel like screaming of course you bloody will but the economy and world will be screwed for years which will have far more impact on us. I cry at the impact it will have on my kids early years and Education. This is just a rant really as I’m struggling to cope.

OP’s posts: |
SnuggyBuggy Thu 14-May-20 13:23:14

The impact of all this isn't being experienced equally by any stretch of the imagination.

Apolloanddaphne Thu 14-May-20 13:25:49

It's not really their fault though, is it? We are the same as your DP. Comfortable financially, children now adults, big house int eh country and a garden etc. We still worry about our DDs, especially DD1 living in a flat in London and working from home. We try to provide support where possible but we can't change the situation. I feel for everyone who has a young family and having issues with work/finances. I don't think you are alone in struggling to cope. This has impacted the mental health of many. You can only try to look after yourself, get through each day as it comes and try not to dwell too much what you can't change.

fluffiphlox Thu 14-May-20 13:29:35

Yes I’m in the same position as your parents. It’s a very different experience for us as opposed to someone stuck in a flat with small children. I recognise my good fortune as, no doubt, do they.

Greenpoppins Thu 14-May-20 13:31:04

I'm struggling with the same thing OP. Both my parents are sniffy about people worrying about losing their businesses. My husband works for a medium size company and now every £10k contract they bring in seems HUGE (even though previously it would have been a Drop in a bucket).

knittingaddict Thu 14-May-20 13:31:10

So there were never any benefits to you of your parents wonderful lifestyle?

Envy is a very unattractive trait.

JanewaysBun Thu 14-May-20 13:32:34

Well they are more likely to die...

I feel you though. We have a tiny 2 bed flat for a 7mo and 2 year old who have no space to play properly. It's shit

CurlyEndive Thu 14-May-20 13:34:08

I agree with you that the whole situation has tended to exacerbate existing inequalities sad

MissMarks Thu 14-May-20 13:35:28

Why on earth are you jealous of your own parents??

user1498572889 Thu 14-May-20 13:36:21

@knittingaddict 😁

Greenpoppins Thu 14-May-20 13:42:18

I don't think the OP is being unfairly envious. I think she is fed up with being told that everything will be fine when she has a harder road ahead than them. OP, you have my total sympathy. These are totally normal things to be feeling. PND is dreadful at the best of times, let alone at a time when you have fewer resources to try and get on top of things.

Reginabambina Thu 14-May-20 13:43:20

Fair enough. I a bit surprising that they haven’t offered you support with childcare/at least swapping houses given your situation. I can’t imagine my Dad telling me to be positive while I was suffering depression in a tiny house with no childcare and my economic certainty crashing down around me.

Bigfishylittlefishy Thu 14-May-20 13:43:48

I hear you OP. I hear you.

RoyalAlfred Thu 14-May-20 13:43:59

It is as if people have just noticed life inequalities.

It would be good to move away from the myth that we live in a meritocracy (I have X because I worked really hard - ability and talent) and towards how we make society more equitable (away from class, privilege and wealth).

SnuggyBuggy Thu 14-May-20 13:44:47

I think sometimes you also need a break from people who say irritating things.

LtJudyHopps Thu 14-May-20 13:50:00

It’s not their fault and they’re just trying to help. If that’s how you feel tell them and hopefully they will recognise that and stop saying it.
I completely get it though, but sometimes people just don’t know what to say.

Ocies Thu 14-May-20 13:51:26

I do hear what you are saying. It is much easier to manage in a big house with a garden and no children to educate and entertain. However, your parents have already lived through recession and uncertainty. Dh and I are not quite as old as your parents but our first mortgage was at 15% interest - it hasn't all been sunshine and happy times.

thewheelsonthebus23 Thu 14-May-20 13:54:20

I feel the same. My parents have hardly been affected by this. Their lives haven’t really changed. My dad always worked from home anyway. My mum doesn’t work anymore. They have a decent sized house and a big garden.

Ragwort Thu 14-May-20 13:54:27

There really isn’t any point in being envious - I am early 60s and have seen my pension fund slashed, won’t be able to retire any time soon, my DH is likely to lose his job and it will be hard to find another one at his age. But of course we are far luckier than many as we no longer have a mortgage.

My DPs are in a very good position, final salary pensions, good health, lovely lifestyle - but they are both nearly 90 & lived through difficult times during and post WW2 and recessions. And of course if they get Covid they are unlikely to survive.

Lots of people are not sympathetic to others, I had to bite my tongue talking to friends who have (very high) public sector salaries, no chance of losing their jobs, and loving their WFH lifestyle - each with a study, top of the range IT equipment and a swimming pool in the garden to relax in grin - yes, really.

But even they might be struggling with MH issues so there is no point being jealous or envious of others, we can only make the best of our own situation. smile

CaptainMerica Thu 14-May-20 13:57:25

I sort of know how you feel. I do get irritated with PIL complaining about being bored, sending links to online activities and making passive aggressive comments about us not getting outside enough.

We are tag teaming childcare and WFH from 6am to 8pm between us, to fit in work hours around home schooling and a destructive 3yo.

But then, there are other people who don't have two parents WFH who would think we have the ideal set up.

No point comparing.

HannahStern Thu 14-May-20 13:59:16

In general, it has been an older generation who have been shielded by the lockdown.

The younger generation have been the worst affected by the economic consequences of lockdown. Covid19 posed little risk to them.

Chloemol Thu 14-May-20 14:21:31

You may think they have it good now, but they will have hag tough times, recessions, high interest rates etc, but have worked to get where they are. You may be in the same situation at their age in the future. What was their position when they were your age now?

The economy may have an impact on them yet, they may lose their jobs, their pension may not be sufficient ,house prices may fall we don’t know yet but you are being unfair to compare your parents life to yours

KittenVsBox Thu 14-May-20 15:08:40

For us, DHs job is reasonably secure. My father is facing his business (of 40 years) going bankrupt. It's not all an age thing.

Genderwitched Thu 14-May-20 15:12:02

Well maybe they'll die of coronavirus and then you can have it all OP.

NoCaseToAnswer Thu 14-May-20 15:16:21

It's not a generation issue.

It's different lives and inequalities.

There are plenty of MNetters in their 20s/30s/40s with secure employment, housing and gardens who've been posting about 'loving lockdown' and could happily see it continue.

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