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Please help me decide what’s best here.

(4 Posts)
owlpacker Tue 12-May-20 03:58:21

I genuinely cannot see the wood for the trees here so someone please tell me what to do.

I have an 8 month old baby and I am struggling enormously. My DH is wfh and I am on mat leave from my job in teaching. My ds is being difficult. His sleep has always been awful and now is no different. Up multiple times, horrid to settle and now apparently needing less and less naps in the day (2 30 min naps tops). He is demanding to the max, recently started crawling and wants to be everywhere all at once (the more dangerous the better) and sitting in highchair, pushchair or bouncer doesn’t last long before he’s whinging to be put down to crawl around again.

I know this is par for the course with a baby but Jesus. I’m exhausted and dread each day which makes me feel awful as I should be loving this time with my longed for baby but I’m hating it. DH is amazing with him and very supportive and gets up early so that I can sleep at least between 6-8.30 but I can’t help but feel resentful that he sits at his desk and ignores the crying 9-5.30 because he’s at work and I’m on mat leave so I have to look after the baby. Which is true but under normal circumstances I’d get a bit of a break in that my mum would have the baby for me or we could be out and about and he’d be tired out by new experiences and I’d at least be getting some enjoyment out of our time together.

Add to this that we moved before the baby came so I’m looking for a new job for September and teaching jobs are few and far between in these circumstances. I’m trying to write my application for a Friday deadline but only have nap time (which today he chose to coincide with walk time so by the time I got home and sat down to work on it he was up and crying) and by the evening my brain is fried and I just want to sit and cry tbh. Plus I feel so extremely stressed about going back to teaching under these conditions. It sounds awful and uncertain and I’d hate it even going back to my familiar and wonderful school but now I’m facing this strange new reality of being a teacher (no PPE with EY kids coughing in your face?!) in a school I don’t know with no idea how they do things and how the school runs under normal circumstances let alone this. (Again I know I’m not the only one, so much respect to my colleagues facing this utter bullshit every day, you are amazing).

So anyway my question is this. I want to take the baby to my mum for a day so I can get my application done and catch up on some much needed sleep. I was desperately hoping bojo was going to allow one house mixing so I could do this but he obviously didn’t. Mum is isolating with my dad, my 3 brothers and my 1 sil. My dad works as a hgv driver so out but minimal contact. My brothers all wfh but still go for their exercise shopping etc. None of them are shielding or high risk. It seems to me that the risk is minimal. My DH, DS and I could have been living with them and that would be okay but since we happen to live in a different house we are a different household. But surely mixing just those two households would be no different to us just moving in with them (not possible but in theory?).

I’ve nearly given in so many times and just taken DS there but something is holding me back and I think it’s the sheer number of them in the house. I don’t want to go in there myself so I don’t want to expose my son!! But I am at the very end of my tether. I am screaming at my baby to just go to sleep regularly and often just sit and cry while he climbs all over me for attention. It feels so bleak and if I can’t do a decent job on this application I won’t have a job in September unless I do a 90 minute commute each way, not to mention the issue of who would look after DS (was going to be my mum!). I need to resign by the end of the month but am terrified to give my notice and have nothing even though that commute and full time teaching and a young baby that doesn’t sleep will DEFINITELY break me.

I don’t know what to do but I can’t carry on like this. I know people have it so much worse atm and I feel dreadfully guilty for complaining but I am not coping with this at all and I’m at the point where something’s got to give or I truly don’t know what I will do.

Sorry for the ramble. My question is really just - would you in my circumstances let mum look after the baby for a day or not risk it? I really can’t decide.

Thanks so much for getting through this ridiculously long post and flowers to you all for whatever unique shit situation you are going through too.

OP’s posts: |
bigmamama Tue 12-May-20 04:11:31

A lot of people on here will slam you for even suggesting such a thing, and how the risk is so ridiculous you shouldn't even be considering it!
But I feel your pain. I have a 9 month old Ds and a 4yo Ds and similarly to you non of my children like sleep! It's often (always) me that gets up to see to either the baby or the eldest as my DH is wfh. So having said that I would take him to your mum. That's just my personal opinion, my mum lives alone isn't vulnerable and is quite young she wouldn't move in with us so we are acting as one household, she doesnt even go shopping.
I know your situation is different but I know how you must feel daffodil

AngryBird80 Tue 12-May-20 04:16:35

Could you ask your husband to use a half-day of holiday and give you the afternoon to get it done? You would need to wear earplugs during this time!

sansgender Tue 12-May-20 07:55:07

Yes I think your DH should be stepping up more - take some AL or something rather than you having to get help from another household. Sounds horrible and I really feel for you

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