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Today I've hit a wall

(9 Posts)
Joan0fSarc Mon 11-May-20 20:57:26

Sorry for another thread like this.

Apart from the first week or so of lockdown and the couple of weeks leading up to it when admittedly I was a bit of a mess, I've been pretty much ok. Worried but muddling through. We're doing ok, DH's job is secure. We've been a bit bored and concerned for the future but it's been ok. Manageable.

Today it's hit me like a ton of bricks and I feel like screaming. I've accepted from the get-go that lockdown may be months long but after the announcement yesterday (garbled and confused as it was) it's obvious that there will be some form of it for months still to come. And today with the talk of there possibly never being a vaccine - again I always sort of accepted that might be the case but to hear the government acknowledge as much was very hard.

Someone I know died on Saturday, he was only in his 30s with no underlying health conditions. His wife was unable to be with him at the end. They have two young daughters. I can't stop thinking about how she must be feeling.

I know there are people worse off than me and I know we're all going through our own version of this awfulness. I hate feeling so woe is me, especially as I've kept it at bay so far. It just feels as if this is neverending. If there's no vaccine, it will be, in many ways. It's strange that lots of people I've spoken to have said the same has happened to them today - they feel hopeless and are completely done with it all.

Sorry for the moan.

flowers if you've hit your own wall.

OP’s posts: |
Anywaythewindisblowing Mon 11-May-20 21:02:39

Firstly I'm so sorry for the loss of someone you know to this fucking thing.
I could have written this myself. My husband is a cleaner for the council so he's doing ridiculous shifts to pick up the slack for those self isolating. I'm teaching online with a very bored and frustrated 3 year old at my side whom I am with all day every day yet simultaneously feel guilty that I am not giving him enough attention. I am hating teaching online, I'm exhausted by the delays and glitches and students ignoring me trying to blame the Internet. After yesterdays announcement (?) it feels never ending and I feel there is nothing to look forward to. I just want it all to go away.

Concerned7777 Mon 11-May-20 21:07:22

Yes wall hit here too. I hate wfh ( I know I should be grateful I'm still earning) but my desk is in my bedroom nowhere else quiet in the house I could work from. I'm spending majority of my time cooped up in the same room 24/7 I think prisoners probably have more time out their cells than I do. Sounds like I'm I'm exaggerating but its how I'm feeling. My mood and MH are at plummeting fast.
Feel like I'm failing at this home schooling too especially with my youngest as I haven't got the time to sit with him to make any significant progress. He is screen babysat why I'm working and DH is out the house working.
I'm longing for face to face contact with someone else outside my household and in a different environment

InTheFamilyTree Mon 11-May-20 21:16:13

Same here, I feel like I don't have anything left to sustain me and the family in this situation. My eldest is acting up, and I got really mad with her today. Poor mite, she's only young and I worry about the lack of play and social opportunities impacting on the kids development. The baby is a quiet one and possibly a bit slow with social milestones, can't help but put this down to the isolation. I feel really bummed out today. I don't know anyone who has died and wonder if I'd feel less fatigued if I had.

Patterjack Mon 11-May-20 21:18:26

We've done really poorly with the home schooling today, must try harder tomorrow. But I went to my Auntys funeral this morning and couldn't comfort my crying Mam so I admit I've had a fuck it attitude today.

Greenfinger555 Mon 11-May-20 21:36:48

Such a shock when someone you know who is young and healthy dies sad sorry to hear this. I also feel sad today. Pretty much muddled through this whole time, but today I went to school (teacher) and the kids that were there were not interested in learning (they are probably fed up too) on top of that a few or them were being really rude about keeping 2 metres apart when asked. It makes me wonder how on earth this will all work and it makes me sad to think my days in the classroom will be like this for a long time to come. I just feel flat and sad and miss my family and friends.

Megan2018 Mon 11-May-20 21:49:07

Wall hit here today too, I cried buckets and couldn’t explain why.
I am just so bloody lonely I think and the monotony is getting to me. On mat leave and adore my little person but I miss my family so much and there is no end in sight for it (they aren’t local so can’t meet in a park).

DH is WFH permanently (did so pre pandemic) but has to work securely so is locked in his office for 9hr shifts. I get about 1hr with him daily. He does loads around the house so no complaints there-but I just never see him as I co-sleep with baby and our awake hours don’t coincide well with his work shifts sad

Spinakker Mon 11-May-20 22:12:13

I feel the same. Initially last night and this morning I was happy about the schools going back but I think the realisation that things aren't going all the way back to normal any time soon has hit me today. What about kids play dates? Trips etc? Guess none of this fun stuff will be happening. I'm sure they'll be ok but I just feel a bit gutted for them. Are we supposed to avoid everyone forever? It feels like it. I'm sure things will be alot better in 6.months time but for now it's feeling like an eternity.

Mnthrowaway20202 Mon 11-May-20 22:18:32

Sorry to hear that someone you knew passedflowers it’s heartbreaking. Someone I went to school with posted about her dad being in hospital with covid, within days he passed - her posts made me cry. I didn’t really speak to her or know her dad, but it’s so tragic, abrupt, and shocking and I can’t imagine how she feels.

Personally after reading the recent government guidance, I reckon we’ll have some form restrictions in winter to prevent hospitals from being overwhelmed during flu season. So it sucks to think we may have to social distance and stay away from friends/family even in January. 2020 is a write off.

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