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Advice - what to do.

(13 Posts)
LadyGAgain Sat 09-May-20 09:08:02

Sorry I know this is all becoming very boring but I would appreciate even one other independent opinion.

We have adhered to all rules. I've barely even been out for walks. Supermarket twice. At home with young children.

My parents in 70's and 80's. Live 10 miles away. We haven't seen them for 8 weeks and facing the very real reality that even with rules lifted slightly there poses a real risk to their health (one has had cancer).

MIL. Lives alone. Is finding lockdown unbearable. Desperate to see us and the kids. Literally every day is another day where we are dealing with her sadness. I get it. Totally.

What would you do? No idea how to keep the kids away from her if we were to drive there (8 miles) and I'm not into rule breaking.

Also, facing the possibility that she will soon be able to make her own decision to see us but that my own parents would not be able to as greater risk (MIL mid 60's no heath issues).

I feel torn. She's a lovely MIL. No back story. But I feel pressure to break the rules. DH thinks we should (he has also strictly adhered) for her mental health. I have another younger family member who is totally on their own too so once we do for one??

I want to stay put but I feel like I'm the big bad wolf. And I feel so irritated by it all.

So, would you go?

OP’s posts: |
tenterden Sat 09-May-20 09:18:29

No I would not. And I would tell DH that if he went there he could stay there.

LadyGAgain Sat 09-May-20 09:31:54

Thank you! That's one vote to not go. To clarify, only he would be going and would not be entering her home, touching her and would be maintaining social distance.

OP’s posts: |
Isadora2007 Sat 09-May-20 09:33:39

Go. Her MH needs are as real as physical health needs. If it’s a nice day go and let her see the kids playing in the garden and have a distanced cup of tea. If you do go in the house for the loo etc wash hands etc.
Your parents have each other. She has no one.

Mascotte Sat 09-May-20 09:33:44

I would go. I'd struggle to see a loved one suffering and not help if I could. Risk/benefit analysis would make it worth it for me personally.

Isadora2007 Sat 09-May-20 09:35:13

Can she make her way to yours if your garden is bigger? Honestly if she’s still going out to shops etc she isn’t at any higher risk from you and your kids anyway. It’s a farce tbh all this misery and heartache for so many.

bloodyhellsbellsx Sat 09-May-20 09:35:18

I would if she is really suffering, I couldn’t bear the thought of her so sad and alone.

Kcnana Sat 09-May-20 09:37:29

I would go. The risk is minimum and its horrible to think she is suffering on her own.

GabriellaMontez Sat 09-May-20 09:37:30

How old are the children? Have they also been in with you?

Piixxiiee Sat 09-May-20 09:38:53

I would go. Social distancing but let dh sit and have a cuppa with her. If theres a garden let kids play there.

GabriellaMontez Sat 09-May-20 09:41:33

And why have you barely been for walks?
Might you feel less irritated after a long vigorous walk?

SoloMummy Sat 09-May-20 10:55:00

Unless mil is within walking distamce and you could ymuse exercise to see her from her window as you pass, then no I wouldn't.
But you cannot stop oh doing so.
If things do relax, I'd visit both sets of parents, even if only from the window and at a distance.

LadyGAgain Sat 09-May-20 13:55:57

Thank you for your replies. Much appreciated. After a long chat we decided that DH would call her and in that conversation would express that we are worried about her and that he (alone) would go and see her but wouldn't enter the house and maintain social distancing. She was grateful for the offer but said that she thought it would make her feel worse to not be able to hug him so face time later with us all.

The kids are very young so have been with us the whole time.

@GabriellaMontez - I feel irritated because I can't do what is needed to help. Not in general. I haven't been out for walks as we have a decent garden and have been enjoying it.

Again, thank you for your replies. Another's perspective is really useful.

OP’s posts: |

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